[pgrundy]

Hi,

I'll try to keep this short, (if I can).

I spent a week in the hospital the end of January after a bad reaction to an SSRI. The meds got straightened out in the hospital and they set me up with a therapist and a psychiatrist. It was my first (and hopefully last) hospitalization. It really scared me and really threw me--it seemed to come out of the blue.

I've seen the therapist they set me up with three times now, and my problem is, I just feel so burned out and flat. I've been in therapy over and over again over the course of my life, (I'll be 58 next month) and I feel like I've talked everything to death. My diagnosis is recurrent major depression with PTSD, and ending up in the hospital after a lifetime of work on this really knocked the wind out of my sails. Like, why? Why can't I fix this? Apparently I can't, I just have to learn to manage it.

This therapist wants me to write a letter to my 10-year old self and join a survivors of abuse group and all this stuff that just feels very Oprah-ish and not at all connected to my current issues. I feel like I did that kind of thing to death in the early 90s when I was in therapy for my abuse.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to quit because I do think I do better with support, but I don't really feel engaged either. It's different this time--like, harder to get back on track, harder to care or be hopeful.

Can anyone here relate? Sometimes it just feels like a big game to me.

[Suratji]

pgrundy - I shouldn't even reply because I've just started therapy in December. I can imagine burnout though. Even though I've therapy for only a few sessions, I sometimes feel that I've talked enough.

Can you talk to your T about your concerns? About how it's hard to feel hopeful or to care? And how disappointed you are that you landed in the hospital? I would go with a written list of questions and listen very carefully to the answers and have the T repeat the answers if I didn't quite understand them.

Is it a 'big game'? I don't think so. We are trying to find peace and meaning in our lives. My T keeps telling me that it's a process and doesn't happen quickly nor easily. Some wounds are just more difficult to heal. I suspect that you shouldn't quit. We all can use ongoing support whether we can detect progress or not.

[lastyearisblank]

It's not a game- it's your life! When I have been feeling this way it is usually either a) the therapy is not working out or b) my life in general is not working out and I want a little corner to push all that pain on to. Could that be the same thing for you?

Maybe focus on building up a connection with the t.. ? 3 visits feels too short to really be burned out. It just sounds like things are so hard for you right now with the hospital and all.. plus I almost forgot, lol, the med sickness-- that would shake my confidence in doctors for sure!

[embracinglife]

i hope you figure things out. I'm sure you can decide what is best for you.

[pgrundy]

Thanks everyone. I am going to stick with it. I appreciate the good suggestions. I did talk to my therapist a bit about how I'm feeling, but maybe I need to focus on that more until I get past it.

lastyearisblank--I think you nailed it. I think I'm still just kind of shocky from all the stuff that's gone wrong and how frustrating life is right now. Thanks for putting this in perspective.

I appreciate all the support you guys. Thank you.

[lastyearisblank]

Hi pgrundy- can you post on here how it goes next week? Just a thought...?

[pgrundy]

Thanks! I will do that. I go back Thursday morning and I will post how it went. I know I have to give it some time--and give myself some time.

I've just been bouncing back slower than I hoped. (Actually 'bouncing' isn't the right word yet. lol!)

[elliemay]

Some meds can be very numbing as well. Some people really experience this on SSRIs. Don't know if you ended up on one after the hospital, but just something to consider.

It may be the drugs and not the situation talking.

[pgrundy]

That's a good thought elliemay, thanks.

I'm on Effexor XR and Seroquel now. The Effexor I've had before, but the Seroquel is new, so when I see my psychiatrist again I'll mention the flatness if it isn't better by then. Thanks again.

[deliquesce]

oh, i know everyone has different reactions to it but seroquel really knocked me out. possibly it's taking some time for you to adjust.

the other thing i'm wondering is, how have you been previously when coming out of a depressive episode? i'm 26 and my docs think it's going to be a continuing part of my life (something to manage, not overcome completely) and so i've had to learn skills of how to accept it and work with the capacity i've got at any given time. i know when i sink into a massive depression that my therapy turns from working on issues to a more supportive forum. often with my pdoc (who i do therapy with), i just go in there and sit and let myself be 'taken care of' for an hour. i think proper therapy (tackling abuse issues, or any issue really) would be so much when i'm trying to recover from an episode.

so another idea is to keep seeing this T, but maybe work on really gentle stuff? i remember the last time i was recovering, me & my T just talked about how to challenge my expectations of progress... how finally having a shower and brushing my hair each day was something to value, even if i did just get back into my pjs and go back to sleep after. sometimes our bodies just need time to heal from the exhaustion of it all.

[sunrise]

Hi pgrundy, I am sorry you had this recent crisis that put you in the hospital. Thank goodness you survived.

Originally Posted by pgrundy

This therapist wants me to write a letter to my 10-year old self and join a survivors of abuse group and all this stuff that just feels very Oprah-ish and not at all connected to my current issues. I feel like I did that kind of thing to death in the early 90s when I was in therapy for my abuse.... I don't want to quit because I do think I do better with support, but I don't really feel engaged either.

I think it is OK to tell your therapist you don't want to do this sort of work, that you have done that in the past, and that you prefer to focus on your current issues right now. Many therapists want to know what they can do to help the client most, and are also eager to help with current issues. Does this therapist know what your current issues are? I think therapy can be so helpful even if just for support. If you need and want support and not inner child work, can you tell your therapist?

Good luck in your next session.