another disappointing session & changing t's

I hope it's okay to repost most of what I posted on a different forum here to ask for feedback from you all.

In my session yesterday, T acknowledged he hadn't slept well. I can't imagine having a job where I can't get by when I have a sleepless night once in a while, so I should give him a break. Has your t had a session like that, where s/he seemed really off?

But, I don't know. This t already is slightly over my line with spending time just chatting & talking about himself. I get the sense my issues might not be worth taking too seriously. Yesterday the whole session seemed like just chatting. I brought up a few things, but felt uncomfortable to talk about them deeply. And he didn't ask. Am I taking myself too seriously?

He talked about his travels (interesting and related to what came up, but not exactly therapy-ish), gave me a suggestion for a restaurant, talked about the changing diversity of the town where we live, talked about his experiences in grad school (again, related to a topic I brought up, but didn't seem like therapy). He actually said at one point, bring me back if this is too far off with talking about myself. I don't know why I didn't feel comfortable to do it. Should I have to be the one to take the conversation (to what i think is) deeper? Maybe he's a little afraid to do it, now that I've told him I want to initiate the topics we discuss? Or he was just too tired?

I'm getting to the point I'm not confident therapy can do much for me, but I don't want to believe that. My diagnosis is mild to moderate depression, ongoing for decades, nothing else. I'm not sure my issues are serious enough or real enough for therapy to help.

I'm getting closer to emailing a t I had earlier, though I'm nervous. I feel bad about maybe leaving this t. He's nice to me & I like him, even though I can't tell as he's helping. Other t was challenging/intimidating, but seemed to make a difference. rrg.

In case this post isn't long enuf, I posted about my current t before and the challenging t here

No way! If it's happening this early, this is a sign that this therapy is dead in the water. You can do better.

(((((((((((learning1))))))))))

My T has had days where he has been sleepy, or "off" for some other reason...but he always tells me about it, in case I sense something is weird and it affect my therapy.

What concerns me in your post, though, is the fact that his behavior in session (talking about himself, taking the focus off of you) is making you question whether your issues are "serious" and whether therapy can help you. It sounds like it's making you devalue yourself, and maybe question whether therapy, and YOU, are worth it.

You ARE worth it.

Have you tried talking to him about this? Something like "T, I'm worrying that my issues aren't even important enough for us to talk about". Maybe is he uncomfortable with silence and is filling in the gaps...or maybe he just isn't a skilled therapist, and not the right one for you. Or..??? The only way to really find out is to talk openly about it (don't you hate that about therapy?)

If you feel like leaving this T, that is your right. You really aren't responsible for his feelings. Lots of people are nice to me, but that doesn't mean I would pay them to help me with something as important as my mental health. BOTH can be true...he can be a nice person AND he can be the wrong therapist for you, and that is really, truly okay.

Lots of hugs to you.

Thank you lastyearis. That's the tricky part when it comes to having faith in therapy. At least for me it is. Believing it's worth it, not self indulgent, and that there's something I can actually work on. I think there is but it really helps to read your support here.

(If I could make the icon in bold, I would )

As far as I got with talking to him about it was telling him that I want to initiate the topics we talk about, which he supported. I also interrupt him a lot, or at least it feels like a lot to me. I think both of your suggestions might be true, that he might be uncomfortable with silence and that he might not be that skilled with some populations (he works with court mandated clients a lot, and I get a sense he's good with them.)

I appreciate your thoughtful post. It's tricky to figure out what's the line between where I want to take responsibility to tell him how to help me, and where that will feel like I'm trying to teach him skills I think other t's I've been to have (which I don't think I can do).

I'm remembering some of your posts where you write about something like figuring out what will help with your t. That seems really ideal. My t's qualities of being genuine and nice make it easier to seem like I could say things like what you suggested. But it still feels like I'd be trying to teach him the skills I've experienced some t's have. I don't know if it's a good trade off.

I'm still leaning toward trying with the other t again atm.

thank you again.

If you're in a position where you feel you need to coach your T on therapeutic skills, it's probably not gonna work! That's the point of seeing a professional--presumably those skills are already in place so you can pay for the privilege of utilizing them.

Trust your gut on this one. I had a similar dynamic with my former T--super relaxed, loose and easy...but just couldn't keep focused and get my work done with him. Go where you can get your work done.

Good luck!