Developmental issues...

Hey guys, I am just wondering do any of you know what are or have any or have any examples of developmental issues? (emotional/psychological ones) I'm asking bcuz my T says I have a bunch but apparently she has told me about them several times but I am not a good listener and I am too embarassed about it to ask her again. Hoping you guys can help me out if you can!!

Sigh... I typed out a super long reply to lose it to cyber gnomes.

You may want to look at Erik Erikson's Stages of Development. That was the first thing that came to mind, about how our experiences at those times in development shape how we respond throughout our life time.

Thanks Stormy, I will go google it right now!

I'm gonna go google it right now to Cats. Maybe we'll see each other there!

Uh-oh!!! I have a lot of developmental issues alright! T was right. I am stuck in Infancy (Trust vs. Mistrust), Younger Years (Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt) BIG TIME!!, and Later Adolescence (Intimacy vs. Isolation) Oh man! I kinda wish I never asked "Why?" or in this case "What?" It looks like I deinitely have A LOT of work ahead of me with T. Only thing is, I have NO idea how we will work on this? Anyone else know how we will work on it??

Cats, yes. I have a lot of developmental issues in my relationship with T.

Believing that I only exist to her when I'm with her (object permanency?).
Her consistent behaviour being more important to me than her consistent feelings (can only read feelings from behaviour)
I could go on (and on and on!!)...

I often say to T "I wish I could be your baby and be allowed to do x and y and z with you". And everytime I hear myself, I'm shocked. I'm not even a little girl... I'm a baby in these wishes. Even her 2.5 year old daughter is leaving me behind...

I know I have developmental issues as well....it's a good thing we're in therapy! I hope T will help lead the way for us to re-learn these in a healthy way.

Sounds like you found some interesting stuff there.
Not sure where I fit in (haven't googled this though) but I battle with guilt and lonliness. T said we'd work on it

OMG what a lightbulb moment!!!!!!!this also so sounds like me.
it seems i am the same way with only being able to see feelings from behavior.wow these are perfect words.it kind of explains why i dont believe my T when she says she isnt the person i see her as.it is like i think she is acting angry be the way she is walking and talking and looks so i think she is angry, even if she isnt.but wow it realy does feel like she is totally angry and frustrated.
she sometimes doesnt exsist to me if she walks up the stairs behind me.

i know all this sounds stupid but it just suddenly makes so much sence got to try and read this book.to worked up today but maybe soon.
thanks cats for asking this question

I'm 'uh-oh' right along with you! I've got those things too......mainly the intimacy vs isolation thing, with some shame and trust issues mixed in there. But certainly, I see how not having at ALL that emotional nurturing and security I needed so desperately as a teenager has left me feeling stuck in some ways at 16 - and I have told my T that in a sense I feel 16 sometimes in my relationship with her! The game of reaching out and getting close but then withdrawing in fear....wanting emotional intimacy but not feeling secure enough in myself, in my own self-identity to handle it and being afraid of it, so retreating into isolation, the 'I am a rock, I am an island' thing! The needs of PG at 16 were not met.....and the longing and the pain and the need of that 16 yr old to be held, to be safe and comforted and secure emotionally are still unresolved within me....that is why I have such a strong feeling that I want her to simply hold me in her arms, so that I feel loved in a way I simply can't believe without the tangible tingling of the body-memory that loving touch leaves with me.
cats, really, this may feel overwhelming to you, but it's good to know what your needs are, because now you can work on meeting them. You can work on growing, changing, healing, and it is ALL very possible, very doable!

OMG Poetgirl! What you just wrote strikes a note with me except that you have words for it, and I don't! I mean I literally cannot allow words to spill out of my mouth because I don't know what the words are. I recognize the feeling, but just now (because of what you wrote) felt familiar with the words. Is that possible? Could the difference between your ability to verbalize and my inability to verbalize be the ages at which the need came to be? (Oh PLEASE let what I just wrote make sense to someone!)

Cats, this is how I look at healing, as catching up on our development. I think that you have a great therapist! Catching up on development isn't so bad. This is exactly what I had to do.

Karebear, maybe pgirl has been thinking about these issues more and this is why she can verbalize them?

I hope so too!!

I completely undestand this as I often say to T that I feel really little. When she asks how old I feel, the answer is almost always 2 or 3yrs old. Other times she just tell me I'm acting like a teenager or acting like a small child.

Thanks!!

It makes sense to me.

I can relate to this too as I tell her I wish that she was my mom and sometimes I even call her mom.

It does make sense.....
What Sannah wrote about me thinking about it a lot is true....but thinking was my refuge from feeling when the world around me was nothing much but pain, pain, pain - and the world within me was pain, pain, pain. Thus I can think these things and have so little ability, so few skills, to actually handle emotion very well or emotional intimacy very well, despite the ability to verbalize well.
In any case, I am so glad these things helped you find some words and insight for your feelings!

Why is it so freaking hard to develop autonomy if you didn't develop it when you were younger?? ARG!!!

This is amazing. I want to like, crochet this on a pillow (well that would take a long time, but you know what I mean!). I think <-- uh oh, there's the word again... this is the main problem for me too.

the older you get, the harder some things are to learn. like languages, for instance....a little child's brain is like a sponge, so elastic, so soaking in the learning, but get to my age, and it really does take a lot more conscious effort and is more of a struggle.
in this matter, this is like learning an emotional/social language we should have been learning when we were younger and it could have just been soaking in. but instead it's like we have to unlearn behaviors, emotional habits, too, along with learning new behaviors, habits, beliefs, emotional patterns....a whole new of being and it doesn't come easy.
I feel so discouraged if I look at the whole of what I have to do now, so I'm going to just find a smaller area to focus in on first, and go step by step....

I guess you are right, go step by step. It still totally sucks though!!

I know, it does, it really does.....my T even said it does (and yes, she said, it sucks, doesn't it!)

Totally sucks, yup.

I'm assuming that you haven't started working on it yet?

Autonomy vs. shame and doubt

I'm assuming that you learned the shame and doubt instead?

For you to learn the autonomy, you need to be working in this area. Are you talking about your shame and doubt?

Hey, I love questions (and I like to ask them too!). Many people don't feel comfortable with all the questions, however. I think that I'm getting at what you are talking about in your other thread about asking "why".