[karebear1]

I just sent an email to my T telling her that I think it would be best if I stopped going to T- I feel dead.

[zooropa]

((((((kare)))))

I'm so sorry. I know that dead feeling inside.
I have been so wrapped up in my own little drama that I'm not keeping track of what's going on with other people here. What prompted this?

[granite1]

karebear do you want to tell us what happened.sending big hugs your way

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Karebear,

*huge hugs*

I'm sure your therapist will want to talk to you face to face about this or at least have an ending session if your determined to end. Has something happened?

Thinking of you! (((hugs)))

[swimmergirl]

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Karebear,

What happened? Can you get a referral and look for another one? Send positive thoughts your way.

[Brighid]

Hope you are ok and that things work out for you

[Elana05]

(((karebear)))

I'm so sorry to hear you are in such a sad place. My heart goes out to you. Would it help to share something about it here with us?
Thinking of you.

E.

[lastyearisblank]

((((((karebear)))))) sending you karing thoughts. hope you share if you feel up to it

I'm so sorry. What happened? Are you okay? Please tell us what's going on.

[karebear1]

Thanks everyone. I'm not alright, but, there's just no way I can go back. I just do too many things the wrong way and I can't live with the pain they cause people I care about. It's better to just keep things to myself.

I'll be ok- it'll just take some time to forget.

[SpiritRunner]

((((((((((karebear))))))))))

[WePow]

((((Karebear))))

Can you get a different T?
Not all Ts are equal.
In fact, no two Ts are alike! They are like snowflakes that way

You have a RIGHT to mental health.
You have a RIGHT to see a T.
You have the RIGHT to change Ts until you find a good match.

[karebear1]

She was a good match WePow. I messed things up. ANd I don't want to get another T because it will just happen again.

[swimmergirl]

Karebear, if you don't mind me asking...........did the same thing happen before with another T? How long have you been with this T? Do you trust her? ((((((((hugs))))))))

Karebear, I agree with what WePow said

Give YOURSELF another chance, you deserve the best!

sending safe hugs

[love2drum]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I just sent an email to my T telling her that I think it would be best if I stopped going to T- I feel dead.

Don't stop going until you feel ALIVE We're here for you.....all struggling to feel alive too...

[WePow]

The T is in charge of knowing HOW to get the therapy relationship to work.
If they don't manage the relationship, and it falls apart, it is NOT the fault of the client. A client has "issues" that they have to work through. That is why they are in therapy. Don't give up on your peace of mind. The right T will see your pattern and will be able to offer some tools to help you fix those patterns that are no longer helping you.

[dizgirl2011]

Karebear - we are here for you if you change your mind and want to talk ((((((huge hugs))))))

(((((((((((((((karebear)))))))))))))))))))

I have made mistakes in my T relationship...we probably all have. I think one of the amazing things about the therapy relationship is we get the chance to learn how to make a mistake and to still be accepted and to get help working through it. Those are big, important lessons that we can then bring out into the world to our "real life" relationships. I know that working through the bumpy spots in my relationship with T has made my other relationships that much more authentic.

It sounds like YOU feel like you messed up, and that it's making you want to withdraw...but that T is ready and willing to continue seeing you (since you were the one who quit...). Could you allow yourself to go one more time and give yourself the chance to feel what it's like when we do something different? When I used to want to quit, T would tell me "just this once, can you try to do something different?". It helped.

Thinking of you.

[karebear1]

Thanks Tree- what you say makes sense. I'll think about that.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Karebear - I've had similar expereinces as Tree....not that I felt that I screwed up the relationship, but that I completely panicked after revealing something to my T, and just wanted to pull back and quit. When I told my T that I wanted to quit, she always asked me why, told me she was very glad I didn't, and asked me to trust her just enough to try one more session. My T always managed to make things better, but I had to take that first step of doing something different and not running away when I felt the relationship might be screwed up.

Just this once, maybe you could try something different too...maybe you could try turning things over to your T and asking her to help you fix whatever it is you think you messed up and help you learn how to change that behavior. If you keep running everytime you think you've messed up, you'll never learn how to not run away.

Thinking of you, and hoping you can work through this.

[karebear1]

Thanks BR.

You all are right. I know you are.... it's just so hard for me to face someone that I feel I have wronged......... even though it was not intentional. The idea that I would do something to hurt someone is just so unforgivable. It's not hard for me to accept responsibilty for anything- I'll gladly do that, and I'll gladly apologize. What's hard for me is having to wait through the time it takes for people (and me) to believe what I say and the time it takes for the relationship to heal back to what it was. That is so painful to me. It brings back overwhelming memories of always being responsible for everyone's happiness, but never being allowed to do (or think about) what I needed to do for my happiness.

Anyway...... I thought you might be interested to know that T emailed me back. We're 'talking' about it to some degree. I'm just so afraid it's not going to work out. I'm so tired of what's in my head always being there and never going away. I'd like to feel just some respite from all this stuff. I'm weary and I don't have much hope or strength left to deal with a whole lot.

Do any of you ever feel like that? What do you do to make it go away?

[nannypat]

Originally Posted by karebear1

Thanks BR.

You all are right. I know you are.... it's just so hard for me to face someone that I feel I have wronged......... even though it was not intentional. The idea that I would do something to hurt someone is just so unforgivable. It's not hard for me to accept responsibilty for anything- I'll gladly do that, and I'll gladly apologize. What's hard for me is having to wait through the time it takes for people (and me) to believe what I say and the time it takes for the relationship to heal back to what it was. That is so painful to me. It brings back overwhelming memories of always being responsible for everyone's happiness, but never being allowed to do (or think about) what I needed to do for my happiness.

Anyway...... I thought you might be interested to know that T emailed me back. We're 'talking' about it to some degree. I'm just so afraid it's not going to work out. I'm so tired of what's in my head always being there and never going away. I'd like to feel just some respite from all this stuff. I'm weary and I don't have much hope or strength left to deal with a whole lot.

Do any of you ever feel like that? What do you do to make it go away?

I call myself a people pleaser because I am the one that always makes sure everyone else is ok. I started very young and I can remember making sure that I never said anything that would hurt my parents feelings. I was 5. I am trying to learn how to not do that but it is hard.

I hope you can work things out with your T and learn what makes you happy before you get to my age(old) and your still in therapy trying to figure that out.

[karebear1]

Oh... I'm pretty old nannypat. I'll be 52 this summer. I do wish I had learned about this long ago- I've probably passed this onto my children and I hate the thought of that.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by karebear1

Thanks BR.

You all are right. I know you are.... it's just so hard for me to face someone that I feel I have wronged......... even though it was not intentional. The idea that I would do something to hurt someone is just so unforgivable. It's not hard for me to accept responsibilty for anything- I'll gladly do that, and I'll gladly apologize. What's hard for me is having to wait through the time it takes for people (and me) to believe what I say and the time it takes for the relationship to heal back to what it was. That is so painful to me. It brings back overwhelming memories of always being responsible for everyone's happiness, but never being allowed to do (or think about) what I needed to do for my happiness.

Anyway...... I thought you might be interested to know that T emailed me back. We're 'talking' about it to some degree. I'm just so afraid it's not going to work out. I'm so tired of what's in my head always being there and never going away. I'd like to feel just some respite from all this stuff. I'm weary and I don't have much hope or strength left to deal with a whole lot.

Do any of you ever feel like that? What do you do to make it go away?

oh my gosh, yes, I feel like that. I feel like that right now. I was trying to express that to my own T today, telling her (trying to) how it makes me feel to think that she, highly trained in working with BPD as she is, can't deal with me. How it makes me feel to think that I let her in as far as I have ever let anyone in, and it was too much for her. How broken I must be.

so yes, I know. I wish, for both of us, that I knew how to make it go away. I suspect is has something to do with acceptance and not avoiding, and just keeping moving ahead. But I don't know. If I ever find out, I will tell everyone.