[Suratji]

I find that I make notes daily on what I'll cover in t session each week. And everyday it changes a bit. I try to list and prioritize. I try to plan what I think is most important.

I want my T to take over. I want her to tell me what to cover and what's important. One time I thought I wouldn't begin and let her begin. Then she asks a simple question and I'm off and running blabbing away. I am self-propelled.

But I don't know if I'm doing it right. I need some guidance. I want to know what I should be talking about. I want to know if this is the way therapy works. I want to know if I'm getting closer to my goal. I want to know what progress looks like. I want to know if I'm wasting my time. I want to know exactly what my problem is. I want to know what the solution is. I want to know what the 'process' is.

Those of you who have defined diagnoses, maybe have it a little easier. You know if you have social anxiety, that when you're able to meet and greet easier, then you've made progress. And for others, you may see improvement in your reactions to triggers. But, for me, I don't even know what's wrong with me. That is why I began therapy. 2 of the 3 goals was 'find out what's wrong' and 'fix it'.

So, does anyone else plan their sessions in detail? Do your T's guide you? What overt help do they offer?

[rainbow8]

Did you ever go to a pdoc to get a diagnosis? Maybe if you did, it would help you with therapy goals. Have you asked your T what she thinks is wrong with you? What do you want to be different about yourself? What are you looking for? You said you almost ruined your life. Have you explored that period in your life and worked through what and why you did?

I used to plan my sessions but with this T I don't. We just work with "this part" or "that part", whatever seems important.

I think it would be a good idea to write down your goals with your T, or have you already done that?

[embracinglife]

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing a very good job if you're able to plan and lead sessions like that. I would think that you would do the best job figuring out for yourself what to prioritize each therapy session...because you know yourself best! Even better than the therapist does.

What I have learned from therapy and the work of healing, is that often times when we want to find a specific problem and "fix it" there may be many things going on to cause our problems. For example, I go into therapy with a problem, and I work through that pretty well, but I am still struggling with depression. It could be meds/biological things, but there may be something else underneath....another layer to uncover in my healing. so now I am going deeper, and looking into my childhood family and relationships growing up and working on healing some of those dysfunctional issues.

Maybe there will always be things to uncover. We are complex beings. not robots. So therapy and healing isn't always as easy as fix "a" and I am done. There will always be more work to be done.

[embracinglife]

Maybe think of therapy as a way to build self-help skills, so that when you are done with T your life is healthier. What will healthier look like for you? explore that? maybe relationships are better, setting better boundaries, maybe you are feeding yourself healthier, and working out, and getting enough sleep. Maybe you are doing things fulfillng to you, and you are at peace with your past. explore what you want to work toward and maybe set some small goals with T, so that you can see those little improvements that you want to see....so you know you are making progress. You can do it to even without a diagnosis.

[BlessedRhiannon]

With my previous two T's, I didn't plan sessions, but I also didn't trust them very much, and I don't think I made much progress.

With my current T, I do tend to go in to my sessions with an agenda in mind. I usually have a primary topic I want to discuss, and if there's time, a few others that I'd like to touch on. We always start with what I want to talk about, and the session seems to flow from there. My T usually asks me to give her a high level of what I want to talk about before we start, so that she can make sure we at least touch on the things I'm concerned about.

Occasionally, I will either not have a plan, or know what I want to talk about, but not how to start. I will tell my T that I'm not sure what I want to talk about and ask her to guide me...she does. Or I'll tell her I want to talk about xxxx but I'm not sure how to start, and I'l ask her to ask me questions or guide me and she will.

[SpiritRunner]

I often have an agenda, or journaling homework she has given me, so I do have an idea of what to talk about and I do like that. But sometimes, having no agenda is the best agenda for me, because something straight from the heart comes out......and sometimes, despite having an agenda, something comes out from the heart that was not on the agenda. And as my T likes to say, her prayerful intent for each session is that what is discussed is what most needed to be discussed....whether it was something I planned on or not!

[learning1]

I like your post Sujarati because I've struggled with how directive therapy should be too. Well, I'm not talkative by default, so I guess in the past I waited for the t to lead the discussion. I didn't feel like therapy ever helped much for the first bunch of therapists I went to over the years. I think the t's who just push for a specific, concrete problem to fix don't know what they're doing. I think they should help the client understand the problem based on what the client presents with. Otherwise it's almost like you have to tell them the exact solution and then they tell you you should do it. Gah!

I went to couples t that was a lot more directive. That seemed to make a lot more difference. Then I went to another t and got frustrated that she didn't seem to have any direction or purpose, so I quit. But the next t was the same, so then I got used to coming up with an agenda and it seemed to work better. She would at least engage with the topics I brought up, so I didn't feel like I was doing it all on my own.

Now I go back and forth. I prefer to suggest what to talk about, but sometimes I feel lost, like I'm not sure there's anything therapy can help with, especially when the t doesn't really respond much to the topics I bring up. Having a diagnosis doesn't actually help me much because the diagnosis seems vague and possibly trumped up to satisfy the insurance. It still feels like it's up to me to say whether there's really a problem or not, and I'm pretty sure the t and everyone else would go along with it if I said it's not a problem. It helps to push myself to believe it when t does give any advice, even if it seems too simple.

Expressing my frustration a little helps sometimes. I say, "I feel lost on where to go with therapy." I feel bad about being slightly argumentative, but it's probably better than feeling ignored.

I think asking the questions Rainbow suggested sound like a good idea. Good luck with getting some more support from your t. I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

[Sweetlove]

I used to plan every session...I would think about it the night before and on the way to my appt.. If I didn't have anything to talk about, I would get so panicky and think that I should cancel. I would actually get nervous in the waiting room too, and hope he never came out to get me!

Now, I try not to plan...I've realized that more comes out and I'm more productive if I work with whatever happens during session.

There was a time a few months ago, when I went and didn't have much to say for the first time. I said "I don't really know what to talk about today". He said "Well if I was a really "shrinky-type" therapist, I would say that this is where the real work begins". So, ever since then I feel much more comfortable with not having so much to talk about.

[lastyearisblank]

"Well if I was a really "shrinky-type" therapist, I would say that this is where the real work begins"

Omg that is too awful! LOL! I love when shrinks joke about that kind of stuff.

[lastyearisblank]

Oh yeah, I don't plan, because then I feel like there are fewer opportunities to jump off and explore new stuff if it feels like on a schedule. (I plan everything, vacations, weekends... but I try not to plan therapy).

[Gently1]

Use of lists for appointments.

Planning is one of my strengths’, impatience my weakness, but for Therapy, my plans consist of making notes as things of interest during the week. The morning of the appointment I review, see what has been most on my mind, and I bring my list.
Therapy is two way interactions so the T, will let me know that he as a few items on his agenda, and often it was on mine as well.

I am also aware that planning can not be a control issue. As when things come up it is often what needs to be discussed even if not on the list.

I think my past Therapists worked on a system like they could 'fix' you and this can never work for me as I felt that it was my fault that I did not get 'it'.

As I now know as much as I wish to sit back and be fixed. This is my life and it is my work.

Critical is the trust the T will guide us by showing errors in thinking, showing us on the spot when we have an need to stop and breath, to teach awareness, opening other options and supporting us by teaching coping skills, that we can take away and practice in daily life.
Feeling authentic concern and intent to treat me as an individual, and to create a space where I can learn to walk with freedom to be myself.

I am grieving the ending of the best T relationship that I have had to date with the entire team of the day program. The ending is due to institutional mandates (maladies), rather than what the individual patient needs.

Having a list for the session, leads to meaningful work in real time.
My past has set the stage, and future worries distract with anxiety, so I find a list is a great starting point to be real to the present.

Suratji What you do is what it is what you choose, and it will be what it will be. Non judgement - mindfulness.
take care
G

[Suratji]

This is my plan for this week's session - I alternate, it seems, between highly emotional topics and analytical exploration. This week will be analytical (well, we'll see)
1. Review the goals I gave in my 1st appt. in December

2. State that 1 of the goals has been met. (She may not agree with me - do T's just let you believe what you think you believe and wait for you to discover that your beliefs were wrong or do they ever contradict you at that moment?)

3. Examine the next 2 goals and try to determine how far I've advanced. I'll bring a list of what I think has been accomplished and ask her for what she thinks.

4. Discuss the methodology to advance the completion of the final 2 goals.

5. Explore how completion of goals will look like.

Well, that's the list so far. Any other ideas?

[Gently1]

3. Examine the next 2 goals and try to determine how far I've advanced. I'll bring a list of what I think has been accomplished and ask her for what she thinks.

My Therapist would ask me what I think! So be prepared.

do T's just let you believe what you think you believe and wait for you to discover that your beliefs were wrong or do they ever contradict you at that moment?)

I think mine finds a way to have me 'consider....'
and he would give an example reasearch or story and then label the error in thinking.
And check to see if I understand.

My list has had items Like: review mindfulness, ...fear of hospitals... what I learned between sessions- I guess it depends on what the goals of your therapy are.

My new Therapist is for PTSD, and I do not know what that could look like, but Friday will come soon enough.

G

[Liam Grey]

Usually, when something I think I should talk in therapy comes to my mind I write it in a memo (a readme on my desktop) to remember it, but I usually fail at reporting most of the stuff to my T, I don't know why, maybe cause my T majorly leads the topics of the session.

But I think that writing down is a great idea, all round!

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by Liam Grey

Usually, when something I think I should talk in therapy comes to my mind I write it in a memo (a readme on my desktop) to remember it, but I usually fail at reporting most of the stuff to my T, I don't know why, maybe cause my T majorly leads the topics of the session.

But I think that writing down is a great idea, all round!

How does your T know which topics to address? Do you feel frustrated by not talking about stuff that comes up between sessions? Does you T pick topics you think are relevant.

[Liam Grey]

Originally Posted by Suratji

How does your T know which topics to address? Do you feel frustrated by not talking about stuff that comes up between sessions? Does you T pick topics you think are relevant.

Well, it depends... sometimes she just ask me how my week was, she pick the biggest concern from what I say about it and we start discussing it... some other times she ask me what I want to focalize on and I however have problems in bringing up most of the things I write home ...

I think I maybe poorly expressing myself here... it's not like my T isn't giving me room to communicate or bring up stuff (she actually is), it's just that i'm not able to do it, mostly. Expecially if it's something strictly therapy related... if it's an "outer" problem (interesting that now I think as "outer" as a real problem in my everyday life , at least compared to a therapeutic one) I'm usually able to bring it on.

But anyway latelay T is stressing on a topic about my future that I don't like a lot to talk about at the moment... but she says it's important, so whatever.