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#76
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The following is an article that explains it more fully: http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=18 |
#77
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Hi Sunrise, I'm kind of afraid to ask her what she meant when she said "I don't particularly like feeling vulnerable either." I'm pretty sure she didn't mean that she was uncomfortable with my vulnerability. I interpreted it to mean that she was talking about not liking to feel vulnerable herself. But I didn't really understand how my telling her how i feel about her (the attachment) in my emails would make her feel vulnerable??? Maybe she is trying not to feel too attached to me in return. Or, like you said, maybe her feeling vulnerable means that she feels responsible somehow for how attached I've become to her. I guess unless i ask what she meant, i won't know. But I'm scared to ask. It has been several weeks ago since she said it, so I don't know if she would even remember it now. After talking to her on my session Wednesday, I am pretty sure that she is not discouraging my feelings of attachment, even though i always think she is doing this. (She feels like I'm the one who keeps disengaging, because of how attachment triggers my abandonment issues. So she wonders if i am withdrawing and then projecting it on her, as though she is the one who is distancing). This has happened several times between us over the years we've worked together. I start to feel attached and cared about, but then i get afraid, and the next thing i know, i notice my t is distancing from me, so i get to feeling pushed away. But it turns out that my t was not distancing to start with. So maybe it really is me who keeps finding reasons to get upset and think she is abandoning me, because it is just too scary for me to feel attached and good with her. I really need to figure out if this is what i am doing. . .without realizing it consciously? In my session Wednesday, she asked me how we could make the sessions feel more connected, so that i don't feel that separation pain between sessions. I think maybe all i am needing is a reassuring reminder about the connection before i leave her office. She said i could tell her when i need to hear this reassurance. My t says the coping skills are not a replacement for the therapy relationship, but they can help me cope with the separation feelings. So i need to use them more between sessions to manage the anxiety i get because it is not based on any real abandonment that is taking place. I think it is all in my head! ![]() |
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