The coaching phone is changing and I am devastated!

For the past three years I have been able to call me t when I need him, after hours on a coaching line. I use it for coaching and for reassurance from him. I typically call once a week. But now everything is changing. The agency my t works for is in a pilot program for DBT and since they are getting accreditted in our state they have certain criteria they have to meet. So now they are offering phone coaching to everyone in DBT regardless of there personal t's. The phone will be traded between five therapist and so my t will only have it every 5th week.

I used to feel so secure having that number to get a hold of him in times of crisis. I am so devastated this is such a big change for me. I broke out in a head to toe stress rash last week over this and had to go to the dermatologist for meds. I feel like everyone else in DBT is getting a huge benefit and I am losing out on something very special. I cry a lot over this and my t tries to reassure me that he still cares about me. It is hard to believe anymore. It has been this way for three years and now poof...huge change. There is nothing I can do to change this. I have begged and pleaded and cried. I have been very angry, I have threatened to quit. He won't budge on this. I can not believe this is happening, this is a nightmare.......

wow kacey that is a big change and i would feel so abandoned by my T.i'm sorry.i wish i could say more because i can just feel the pain and panic you are feeling.i kind of felt this way when my T said absoluitly no e-mail

I'm so sorry, Kacey. That would be fairly devastating to me, too. I wish I knew what to say that could help

I feel your pain too. I always worry that one day my T will not be available 24/7 for phone coaching. I am very careful not to call unless I REALLY need to so she doesn't think i am too dependent on her. But, just knowing she is there when i need her is a big thing for me, even if I never need to call. So I can understand how this change must feel for you.

You can still call for coaching right? It will just be a different T on call every week. This could be an opportunity to get to know the other Ts too and have more people involved in your support system. I know it's not the same though. Changes are so hard.

Kacey- something very similar to this has happened to me in the past 5 weeks or so and I am still reeling from it. My heart is truly breaking for you. I understand and know where you are coming from on this. It feels like you are being abandoned and that no matter what, you have absolutely no say in what is happening in your own care. Something that gave you great comfort has been yanked out from under you with no warning and you feel like you've fallen flat on your face as a result of it. It destroys you doesn't it?

The only advice I can give you is to just not fight it anymore, try to adjust and accept this as quickly as you can. Learn from my stupid mistakes and experiences if you can...... It's been very, very hard for me, and it's only served to interrupt a relationship that I held dear. I struggle everyday with this. The longer it goes on, the harder it's getting to stay in the present and progress. Don't let it be something that stops your forward progress.

((((((Kasey)))))) I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I would find that a devastatingly hard change to adjust to too.....but the positive I think is that you still will have coaching when you need it and still have your t....I hope you can adjust to it. many hugs to you......

Hey Kacey,

I am truely sorry that this has happened and that it's hurting you so much, I can understand that. To have something so comforting taken from you is a huge upheavel and it will take time to get used to being without it, at least in the form it used to be.

I know it's not much concilation but your T probably doesn't have much say in all the changes happening . I know talking to different therapists won't make up for the loss you feel but hopefully it still means if in need you have someone to speak to....

I bet your therapist cares about you a lot

Don't really have anything to add, just wanted to let you know I'm sorry this is tough for you. Change is hard, especially when it's something we've relied on for a safety net.

I am so sorry about this. Have you talked to your T about this?

I'm so sorry this is changing for you. I would really struggle with having just a generic coaching line to call and not always getting MY T. I struggle enough with just calling my own T...I'd never call someone I didn't know, and if I did call, I wouldn't say anything!

Could you maybe ask your T if he'd be willing to accept emails from you in between sessions? At least then you'd be getting him directly. Not the same as a phone call, I know, but maybe a do-able work around for a while. Maybe even suggest it as a short term bridge to not having the constant phone contact you're used to...kind of like weaning off of it.

Thanks for all the support everyone. I feel like turning away from t right now in a big way but I am trying to tell myself to let him support me during this change. It would probably go better if I did, it's just that I feel so abandoned. I have a scheduled phone call this Monday to check in and keep the "connection." I am not sure if the change is going to happen this Thurday or in two weeks. I almost just wish it would be done and over with right now because not knowing exactly when this will happen is really stressful. It is like when is this going to be taken away for good? In 5 days or in 12 days?

I think that I will call him for reassurance...kind of like my last meal.

Oh Sweetie....((((((((HUGS))))))))))

gigantic hugs!

This sounds like it is really difficult for you, but I'm glad that you have supportive people on-line to give encouragement and as a place to vent. I'm sure your t still cares. The email option sounds good, my t doesn't answer my emails, but at least I have another safe place to vent.

ugh, KC, I would feel devastated. I'm so sorry this is happening The uncertain timing of it all is making it much more stressful too...

I'm so impressed, though, that you've identified how you're feeling (abandoned), and the action urge that goes with it (withdraw from T), and you're trying to act opposite (let T support you). This is something I'm still grappling with and often (especially with T!) I've reacted so quickly and can't slow it down enough to see any of what you've seen for yourself. I hope T validates how difficult this change is for you, and that you and T find other ways to stay connected... Thinking of you

I think improving said it well! Change is so hard, but you are doing a good job at identifying the feelings and ways to cope!

(((( HUGS ))))

Wow, this is so hard. Change is hard, but especially when it deals with your ability to contact T. I know I'd be freaking out too. I would also hope, though, that it would give me an opportunity to work through those feelings and draw from my inner strength to learn from the change. Easier said than done. I am not sure how far past freaking out I'd get.

((( HUGS )))

I sort of know how you feel. I have 24/7 access to my team as well, but they switch off and on by weeks. So I would ask at the beginning of the week who had it. Or they did do weeks, till people started taking advantage, so now they trade off days randomly. I've only ever called it twice the whole four years I've been there, but it was just knowing when the people I was close to had it and when they didn't. Now I am terrified to call it in the event of a crisis, because I have no idea who will pick up and whether they are familiar with my case enough to help me.

I'm really sorry you feel abandoned.

Your T is still available to you, just not in the same way as before. I know that it's hard, but change is OKAY. It really is.