[Can't Stop Crying]

So I told my trauma story, many times. I'm wondering how much it would benefit me to continue talking about. There are still things that keep me chained to the past, but talking isn't releasing them. Whoever said time heals, lied. It's been years and it is still a daily struggle. How many times do I need to say thins stuff before it is enough? Is it benefiting me if therapy makes me feel suffocated by memories and flashbacks every time I talk about it?

[stolen_innocence08]

I half wonder the same thing. I would like to know others opinions too. Big hugs, you arent alone in this

[Suratji]

Have you asked your T this question?

[onlymedid]

I have been dealing with the same thing for YEARS and only recently have I been able to let go of some of it. When I say years, I am talking 23+ years. I have been in and out of therapy and it's been such a struggle, but I have found a T that has really helped me deal with some of it. I think you will deal with it in your own time, when you are ready. No one can say how long it will take because it's for each individual person to deal with on their own, but know that you should never give up. I have hope for you! *hugs*

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

I have been dealing with the same thing for YEARS and only recently have I been able to let go of some of it. When I say years, I am talking 23+ years. I have been in and out of therapy and it's been such a struggle, but I have found a T that has really helped me deal with some of it. I think you will deal with it in your own time, when you are ready. No one can say how long it will take because it's for each individual person to deal with on their own, but know that you should never give up. I have hope for you! *hugs*

How do you cope in between sessions? How do you manage the daily life demands, when your mind is stuck in the past?

I am so overwhelmed by all this..in between sessions it feels like I'm being tortured all over again.

[lynn P.]

(((Can't Stop Crying))) Hopefully this painful stage is nearing the end. I searched for some links that might be useful for you, but you would need to check with your therapist before venturing into another recovery program. I hope this bad stage will end soon, where you can move on to a recovery. Since you're making progress with this therapist, I hope that's a good sign.

12 step recovery program http://www.siawso.org/

Stages of the healing process(optional forgiveness)
http://www.theadvocacycenter.org/adv_abuseheal.html

http://www.redroom.com/publishedwork...d-sexual-abuse

[purple_fins]

I've read somewhere(can't remember where, on some therapy site)that "good" therapy is one in which the client doesn't go back
to the past until that client has enough tools to work with, such that they can find ways to cope with the feelings of the past traumas that are coming to the surface.

I think this sounds good to me..... I think this is how the therapy I am doing is going.... for the most part

I don't think it helps at all if one just keeps reliving by recalling and ruminating the traumas over and over......
seems like it's a dog chasing it's tail--
there is no end to it..... just goes around and around....

NOT that you are doing this
.... just that some people, I think, can get in this "circle" of dramatic chaos-- where nothing is ever resolved.

I hope you are learning coping skills and getting communication tools --
they are like the flashlight beam on a dark night path.... they get us going towards the place of inner peace.

peace to you

fins

I agree with PurpleFins. My therapist and I went through the old traumas, but once the story was told, we stopped revisiting it. Instead, we work on my current relationships and issues and how my old experiences influence who I am, how I think, what I do, today. So, yes, sometimes the old stuff comes up, but only in context of today. I don't need to rehash, retell, relive, the old traumas over and over again. I can look at the old experiences now without being retraumatized by them because instead of telling all the gory details, I look at what long-term effect those experiences have had on me. I guess instead of being at the mercy of those memories, those memories are more in my control. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

[Can't Stop Crying]

It's not the story as much as it's the feelings. Cognitively, I have been able to accept what happened, but my heart won't listen to my brain. When I told the story it was from a distance, now the issues we are addressing are the emotional ones that I have managed to numb for so long. I wish I could control the memories, they are completely overwhelming!

I've read somewhere(can't remember where, on some therapy site)that "good" therapy is one in which the client doesn't go back
to the past until that client has enough tools to work with, such that they can find ways to cope with the feelings of the past traumas that are coming to the surface.

I agree with this.
and this:

My therapist and I went through the old traumas, but once the story was told, we stopped revisiting it. Instead, we work on my current relationships and issues and how my old experiences influence who I am, how I think, what I do, today. So, yes, sometimes the old stuff comes up, but only in context of today. I don't need to rehash, retell, relive, the old traumas over and over again. I can look at the old experiences now without being retraumatized by them because instead of telling all the gory details, I look at what long-term effect those experiences have had on me. I guess instead of being at the mercy of those memories, those memories are more in my control. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

Are you also learning good coping skills?

[Can't Stop Crying]

Coping skills.....grounding techniques, distraction, journaling, painting, visual imagery.

Sometimes none of them work, maybe I'm not trying hard enough?

I don't think it's that you're not trying hard enough. It sounds like you have had a lot of trauma and hurt and it's probably just going to take awhile.

Have you talked with your therapist about this?

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

I don't think it's that you're not trying hard enough. It sounds like you have had a lot of trauma and hurt and it's probably just going to take awhile.

Have you talked with your therapist about this?

Yes, he doesn't seem like he has any other answers. He doesn't specialize in trauma, so sometimes I think he is at a loss of how to help me. I've built a relationship with him now and I actually trust him - I don't trust many people - so I don't want to change T's now.
I guess I just feel stuck.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can relate to what you're going through, although at the moment, I'm in avoidance mode, so the feelings are not quite at the surface.

My T tells me that the reason it keeps coming back is because I haven't worked through it entirely, that there's still unfinished business surrounding it and that I need to figure out what I need in order to get some peace around it.

There's a very big difference between sharing the story of the trauma and actually working through the feelings. Perhaps you can talk to T about maybe supplementing your work with another T to help you with this specific issue.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I can relate to what you're going through, although at the moment, I'm in avoidance mode, so the feelings are not quite at the surface.

My T tells me that the reason it keeps coming back is because I haven't worked through it entirely, that there's still unfinished business surrounding it and that I need to figure out what I need in order to get some peace around it.

There's a very big difference between sharing the story of the trauma and actually working through the feelings. Perhaps you can talk to T about maybe supplementing your work with another T to help you with this specific issue.

He's said something similar..about different layers of healing and the reason we get "stuck" is because there is still something that needs to be addressed. I think I understand what is holding me back (it's in a thread in survivors of abuse), but talking about all the underneath stuff is the hardest I think. Thank you for understanding! The feelings and the story are so different!
Insurance issues only allow one T. He suggested I try a support group, I went one time and fled in tears and have never been able to go back. That's why I joined PC...a virtual support group.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

He's said something similar..about different layers of healing and the reason we get "stuck" is because there is still something that needs to be addressed. I think I understand what is holding me back (it's in a thread in survivors of abuse), but talking about all the underneath stuff is the hardest I think. Thank you for understanding! The feelings and the story are so different!
Insurance issues only allow one T. He suggested I try a support group, I went one time and fled in tears and have never been able to go back. That's why I joined PC...a virtual support group.

Insurance issues are the worst. Grr. I'm surprised though that your T would suggest a support group, unless it's one that is specifically to deal with trauma issues. I am also in group therapy, and I find it even more difficult to address trauma in group. I haven't been able to do it yet, and am not sure I will find the safety and space I need in group T in order to work through those kinds of issues. I just don't see it there. Of course, my group T is gestalt based so I'm having trouble figuring out how it'd fit anyway.

I hope you find helpful resources to deal with working through your unresolved issues....

[Can't Stop Crying]

He wanted me in a Survivors of abuse group so I wouldn't feel so alone and to help me understand that what I was feeling/thinking was "normal". People in general make me nervous, especially in groups. I feel safer at my keyboard, at home, where no one sees me shaking or sees my tears.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

He wanted me in a Survivors of abuse group so I wouldn't feel so alone and to help me understand that what I was feeling/thinking was "normal". People in general make me nervous, especially in groups. I feel safer at my keyboard, at home, where no one sees me shaking or sees my tears.

Ah, I see. Thanks for clarifying.

And I totally understand feeling safer at home at your keyboard. I do too. It's much easier to share my feelings when I am anonymous and in the safety of my own space.

PC has been a wonderful place for me to gain understanding and support. So many people can relate to what I'm going through, to help me feel as though I'm not alone.