But I understand.

My therapist, who I've been with for a few years told me today it wasn't a good idea we work together anymore. I'm a major liability to him. I have DID and one of my alters is determined that he will harm us. So much that it becomes a delusion. He's afraid that this alter will mark him as a predator. And I worry about that too. He is afraid of the liability involved in this. He could loose his license or be suspended if she accused him of something he didn't do. And it's not that she lies, but it's a delusion, she's convinced he is really harming her, or going to at any moment.

This is really sad to me, because it won't get better with another therapist. I've had many in the past where this same things happens. My small ones really like him and feel safe with him, and this one that is convinced he's a predator have ruined it for them. They are very sad. They are hurt. They feel abandoned. They wonder "will any therapist not consider us a liability"? And if they do, then who will we see? How will things ever get better?

I got so upset, after he said that I should "stay with a therapist till things get too deep and then get a new one again, in order to stop one from feeling as if too much trust will hurt her". But then I thought... how will I ever get married. How will I ever trust anyone if i have to keep moving from one to the next. What kind of life is that? And the idea is for me not to trust them? How crappy is that? Is that my only alternative? I just wanted to cry, thinking after all these years of knowing me, that his one solution for me was to just keep bringing new people into my life to learn to trust, before she forces them to leave. I don't know what it's like to love somebody, or be loved. I don't know what it's like to feel truly close to anyone.

I got so upset, that I just got up and left the session. I was going to do something stupid, but at the last minute I just took another turn and went for a walk. Is this really what my life will be like forever?

[Brighid]

OH MY GOSH! I am so sorry! I am here for you through this if you need to talk plz dont hesitate to PM me. Please dont feel defeated......try, as hard as it is.....to think positive. major prayers for you

[Omers]

I am so sorry. My gut reaction is "that is what liability insurance is for". Did he offer any alternatives like maybe recording your sessions? Does this happen with female Ts too? I dunno... guess I just feel that with some creativity there should be a way to work this out.

[WePow]

VERY big hugs for you! You CAN get better. It will take the RIGHT T though. Someone who is a expert with DID. It is hard to have DID and heal when parts of us are trusting T and other parts don't trust anyone. It is so hard. But there is hope. YOU are the hope your alters have. You can lead them into peace.

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

But I understand.

My therapist, who I've been with for a few years told me today it wasn't a good idea we work together anymore. I'm a major liability to him. I have DID and one of my alters is determined that he will harm us. So much that it becomes a delusion. He's afraid that this alter will mark him as a predator. And I worry about that too. He is afraid of the liability involved in this. He could loose his license or be suspended if she accused him of something he didn't do. And it's not that she lies, but it's a delusion, she's convinced he is really harming her, or going to at any moment.

This is really sad to me, because it won't get better with another therapist. I've had many in the past where this same things happens. My small ones really like him and feel safe with him, and this one that is convinced he's a predator have ruined it for them. They are very sad. They are hurt. They feel abandoned. They wonder "will any therapist not consider us a liability"? And if they do, then who will we see? How will things ever get better?

I got so upset, after he said that I should "stay with a therapist till things get too deep and then get a new one again, in order to stop one from feeling as if too much trust will hurt her". But then I thought... how will I ever get married. How will I ever trust anyone if i have to keep moving from one to the next. What kind of life is that? And the idea is for me not to trust them? How crappy is that? Is that my only alternative? I just wanted to cry, thinking after all these years of knowing me, that his one solution for me was to just keep bringing new people into my life to learn to trust, before she forces them to leave. I don't know what it's like to love somebody, or be loved. I don't know what it's like to feel truly close to anyone.

I got so upset, that I just got up and left the session. I was going to do something stupid, but at the last minute I just took another turn and went for a walk. Is this really what my life will be like forever?

Hi there,

you are not a liability-you are an important, unique person with many fantastic qualities. If there is any liability at all it is not about you as a person, it's about a part of your condition that you cannot help.

I can only imagine how upset you must feel by your T saying what he has and feeling you can't be helped, which isn't true so please dont think it is. Perhaps he is not the right T for you.

You say this "one" who thinks your T is a preditor and who has done with T in the past, does this include female Therapists?

xxx

[darkrunner]

Safe hugs, Lydia.

I can relate a bit to how you are feeling - some therapists won't take clients with eating disorders because of the physical risks and the potential for them to be held liable.

How long have you been seeing this T? Is he open to any other options? Like, maybe you could come up with waiver form that would release him from any liability if the later should accuse him of something?

Or, is there someone you could trust that could attend your sessions? Or maybe you could video record them, or audio record the sessions?

I'm sorry you're going through this.
It might seem hopeless now, but try not to give up, ok?

OH MY GOSH! I am so sorry! I am here for you through this if you need to talk plz dont hesitate to PM me. Please dont feel defeated......try, as hard as it is.....to think positive. major prayers for you

thank you for the support

Omers-

hmm Idk if he has insurance. since he's just an MS. The recording sessions is a good idea... It does happen with female Ts. not this bad, but I've never gotten THIS close to a female T.

WePow-

I think a specialist is what I need... but someone is going to have to take the risk to work with us. This T is someone who has a lot of liable cases. A lot of high risk cases. and if he's not willing to do it, then no one else will want to. At least on an outpatient basis...

dizgirl

you're right I am sad that he doesn't believe in me anymore. So many other Ts had given up on me long before he did. And he has always believed, past what I believed that things would get better for me. No matter how bad things were. And now that he doesn't, it makes it so hard to believe it myself.

darkrunner

I know this is true, my friend struggles with an eating disorder that therapists won't take her on. It's hard...

[elliemay]

It sounds to me as though you have accepted this mantle of liability without hesitation. Do you not think that is quite sad?

Is it okay with you that one of your "alters" has decided that your therapist is a predator? Is there someway that you can challenge that belief?

I completely understand that you don't want your life to be this way - and it doesn't have to be. It takes a lot of work to challenge beliefs that you know are not true. You are not powerless in this situation.

You deserve good mental health, good treatment and not to accept the label of liability so quickly.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by darkrunner

How long have you been seeing this T? Is he open to any other options? Like, maybe you could come up with waiver form that would release him from any liability if the later should accuse him of something?

Or, is there someone you could trust that could attend your sessions? Or maybe you could video record them, or audio record the sessions?

I was going to say virtually the same thing...are you open to recording your sessions? There might be some way around this.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I want to reiterate...YOU are not a liability. You are a person who is suffering and deserves help.

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

But I understand.

My therapist, who I've been with for a few years told me today it wasn't a good idea we work together anymore. I'm a major liability to him. I have DID and one of my alters is determined that he will harm us. So much that it becomes a delusion. He's afraid that this alter will mark him as a predator. And I worry about that too. He is afraid of the liability involved in this. He could loose his license or be suspended if she accused him of something he didn't do. And it's not that she lies, but it's a delusion, she's convinced he is really harming her, or going to at any moment.

This is really sad to me, because it won't get better with another therapist. I've had many in the past where this same things happens. My small ones really like him and feel safe with him, and this one that is convinced he's a predator have ruined it for them. They are very sad. They are hurt. They feel abandoned. They wonder "will any therapist not consider us a liability"? And if they do, then who will we see? How will things ever get better?

I got so upset, after he said that I should "stay with a therapist till things get too deep and then get a new one again, in order to stop one from feeling as if too much trust will hurt her". But then I thought... how will I ever get married. How will I ever trust anyone if i have to keep moving from one to the next. What kind of life is that? And the idea is for me not to trust them? How crappy is that? Is that my only alternative? I just wanted to cry, thinking after all these years of knowing me, that his one solution for me was to just keep bringing new people into my life to learn to trust, before she forces them to leave. I don't know what it's like to love somebody, or be loved. I don't know what it's like to feel truly close to anyone.

I got so upset, that I just got up and left the session. I was going to do something stupid, but at the last minute I just took another turn and went for a walk. Is this really what my life will be like forever?

((((( LydiaB )))))

This sounds to me like your current therapist has the problem, it's not your problem. A good experienced therapist would be able to help you what ever one of your alters threatens. A good therapist would not tell the client that they are a liability but rather say that they themselves (the therapist) are not yet experienced enough in this area. Has this particular alter ever attacked the therapist? It is the therapist's job to gain the trust of all of you and to work through these difficulties, not run away from it!

Also, your current T saying that you will have to keep moving therapists is wrong, there will be a good experienced therapist out there that will be experienced enough to care and support you all the way, honestly.

I feel like I need to start a new life. I've not wanted to be around this treatment team for some time now and my therapist knows this. I feel like I need to move to a big city and start a new life. I've been looking into options. I don't know if I will pursue treatment there.

[(JD)]

I agree with Pegasus... this is your T's issue... are you saying this T is not expert with DD? That would be key to find someone who is, and if they are hesitant (if all of them are) then open to videotaping maybe without sound... however, insurance liability is always an issue as the insurance company has to pay if the T is unable to work etc...whether it's on tape or not. But someone expert with DID will know how to handle an angry or violent alter. There are ways and I'm sorry your own T has fears that T cannot work around.

All clients / patients are liabilities...whether with DID or not... and that's why insurance is so high for professionals in private practice.

[Fartraveler]

Didn't your T give you a referral? Isn't that what T's do if they feel they don't have the skills to handle a particular issue?

I agree with Pegasus... this is your T's issue... are you saying this T is not expert with DD?

No he's not. But it's not his fault, it's my fault. I decided to push people away. I decided to let it happen. I decided to do exactly this time what I do every time. It's my fault. I could be more open. I could have done something else. I could have NOT told him about what was going on, what she was saying. I could have been more in control. It's my fault. I did this. I went to therapy. I let him get close to me. It's my fault.

I hope you can find another therapist that can help you through all of this.

I did warn him. I told him "don't get too close to me" I said it. I told him "you can't fix me", but he told me he could. He took my words as a challenge and not advice, and look where we are now. I told him so. I told him this would happen. But he led me into it. He told me something else. He said he was there for me. He promised. He told me to trust him. FOR WHAT?! So he can turn around and leave also!? Just like the rest of them. He told me I was going to get better. He told me he was there for me. He was so upset when he realized he had only been talking to one of the many. He called us liars. Told us we were ego states. Told us to forget about it. Wanted to shut up what was already silent. He said things like "We work so well together" and then told me I was delusional when I told him he would hurt me. He said things like "I feel like I have to protect you" and favored us above the rest of his clients. He wouldn't let us talk to anyone else. Took over all the positions in our lives. I tell him he's awful. I tell him he's a predator. I tell him what I think of him, because no one else will.

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

Didn't your T give you a referral? Isn't that what T's do if they feel they don't have the skills to handle a particular issue?

Well I'm not done with him quite yet. Him or the rest of my team will give me a referral, but I have to find at least a new psychiatrist for meds before I leave the ACT program completely.

>>He called us liars. Told us we were ego states. Told us to forget about it. Wanted to shut up what was already silent. He said things like "We work so well together" and then told me I was delusional when I told him he would hurt me. He said things like "I feel like I have to protect you" and favored us above the rest of his clients. He wouldn't let us talk to anyone else. Took over all the positions in our lives.<<

Wow! Listen, LydiaB, you have to really understand that this T was on a major ego trip. Any time a T starts telling you that he "needs to protect" you or limits your contact with others, he is in serious need of his own therapist. Therapy isn't about isolating you or telling you that the T can "cure you". It's about guiding and supporting you, helping you find outside supports. This guy had his own needs and unfortunately you were there and he reeled you in. When things got tough (which they can in therapy with trauma survivors), he got scared and blamed his fear and anxiety on you. It isn't you! It's his incompetence and because he was scared and feeling inadequate, he dumped it all on you. Sometimes it really amazes me that T always talk about transference and projection but forget about countertranferance and their own ability to project ugly uncomfortable feelings onto their clients. They especially forget about those topics when it makes them act crazy LOL And that can happen! I sincerely hope you find a new T who treats you with the respect and care you deserve!

[Omers]

You are not a liability. You will find a T that can work with you. I have a part that can be very threatening to Ts too but when we found the right T that part hasn't started any trouble. The T didn't engage that part until it was able to talk to her without being threatening. There are Ts out there that can do this and you deserve that!!! Keep searching until you find the right one. Also, the Ts my protective parts have worked best with are the ones that are the least controlling and who work very hard NOT to allow dependance on them. I think the feeling of dependance is really scary for protective parts and creates the threatening postures. My current team helps me feel connected and secure and I know that I can count on them but they make sure I don't feel dependent on them.

[(JD)]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I agree with Pegasus... this is your T's issue... are you saying this T is not expert with DD?

No he's not. But it's not his fault, it's my fault. I decided to push people away. I decided to let it happen. I decided to do exactly this time what I do every time. It's my fault. I could be more open. I could have done something else. I could have NOT told him about what was going on, what she was saying. I could have been more in control. It's my fault. I did this. I went to therapy. I let him get close to me. It's my fault.

Sorry, this is not your fault... there is no "fault" for a patient who is going to therapy to become better. I won't go into a myriad of ideas I have as to why you feel this way, but most assuredly if the T couldn't handle the dx, then the T should have referred you , or sought personal help in self educating about the best way to help you. Yes, those with DID do need to feel their T is a protector in a way... but not to any extent that T takes over for your own personal protector... we all have those parts of us, whether DID or not...

Please stop telling yourself these things. Yes, this is not a good place to be, but you can get through this... look at how your system has functioned in keeping you alive and all till now...and can continue to do so.

Now, are you in communication with the rest of your system...do you journal, have other parts of yourself voiced any concern or decisions as to what they think you need to do?

Please do discuss this fully with your T, but don't give the blame on yourself...try not to blame anyone...and see what your T can offer.

[Brighid]

My heart is breaking for you but going out to you at the same time...just know THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! this is, like so many have said already, your T's issues NOT YOURS!

You are in my heart and prayers and I so hope this can all be worked out in a positive way. much love to you

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I did warn him. I told him "don't get too close to me" I said it. I told him "you can't fix me", but he told me he could. He took my words as a challenge and not advice, and look where we are now. I told him so. I told him this would happen. But he led me into it. He told me something else. He said he was there for me. He promised. He told me to trust him. FOR WHAT?! So he can turn around and leave also!? Just like the rest of them. He told me I was going to get better. He told me he was there for me. He was so upset when he realized he had only been talking to one of the many. He called us liars. Told us we were ego states. Told us to forget about it. Wanted to shut up what was already silent. He said things like "We work so well together" and then told me I was delusional when I told him he would hurt me. He said things like "I feel like I have to protect you" and favored us above the rest of his clients. He wouldn't let us talk to anyone else. Took over all the positions in our lives. I tell him he's awful. I tell him he's a predator. I tell him what I think of him, because no one else will.

wow. I want to say that when I read this all I could think of was how unprofessional, unethical and hurtful he is as a Therapist, there are so many red flags in what you have said here.
A Therapist should NEVER promise a client they definately will get better or that the therapist can "fix" them...that is totally wrong! No one can promise someone that and to say this to someone vulnerable is very unfair. A therapist can hold hope and offer to support you to hopefully improve things for yourself but not offer promises.

You say he got "upset" when he found out he was talking to one of many - A therapist should not be getting upset over what a client is disclosing to them as their issues, worries, fears, realities etc. Getting upset affects the client, perhaps inducing guilt for upsetting their therapist, shame or emabarrassment over what they have said which could stop them from opening up to the Therapist again...an endless list of negative impacts!! A therapist is meant to stay as neutral and objective as possible and help the client explore things. Also calling a client a liar is a big no-no!!

Can you explain what you mean when you say that he "wouldn't let us talk to anyone else. He took over all the positions in our lives"? This sentence really concerns me.

You have done nothing wrong by seeking help and trusting in someone who is supposed to have your best interests in mind! Please don't blame yourself because you opened up and told the truth in therapy. If you can't tell your therapist the truth then your not with the right therapist because your Therapy sessions is theone place your supposed to be able to tell the truth, be yourself or yourselves and be accepted. You are not at fault!

You all deserve big safe hugs!

[Emotionally Dead]

I don't have much to offer but am so sorry you're going through this. A lot of people who have the type of problems you do (paranoia and such) have their therapists abandon them in this way. Which is why I do think that your therapist wasn't the right therapist for you. Don't give up though, I think you'll find the right one who won't be like this one and will be able to help you with the problems instead of making them worse. This isn't a very good therapist if he won't see you anymore because he is scared that you or your parts are going to do something or accuse him of something. That is nonsense, and you deserve a better therapist than that.