Pre-therapy anxiety?

I've been seeing a CBT therapist for awhile now- longer than I care to admit... And the feeling's the same!
I don't get intimidated usually, or anxious. My days for anxiety attacks are few now, thankfully... Except on a bad day. Which gratefully are becoming slightly fewer as time goes by.
However, I swear, the night before I go to her? I'm debilitated. I can't function. I dream about it at night... And then in the morning, I can't eat because I'm THAT anxious. I'm usually very numb- I don't feel anything, ever.
Even when I get there, sometimes I'm filled with trepidation! I don't know!!
No one has ever intimidated me that much.
It's such a new feeling...
And even after a session, I need to go home & sleep before I could function again!!
Argh!

I think the obvious answer is to discuss this with her? It must be so hard for you C&B. I wonder why you feel intimidated. Can you say more?

I also feel a surge of anxiety before T and it manifests itself in various ways so your not alone. Be well.

I feel the pre-therapy anxiety and post-therapy exhaustion also. I think some of it is because therapy is tough work...worried about how the session will go and then worn out because of the emotional toll.

Therapy brings feelings to the surface to be felt. Quite the opposite of feeling numb, which is a defense/coping mechanism. The tension you feel before therapy is so understandable. Could it be some excitement too?

I'm glad you are generally feeling better. Wondering why you are judging yourself for how long you've been in therapy?

I think it's pretty normal to feel anxious before a session and completely drained afterwards although it does sound like your anxiety before a session is quite intense. Have you talked to your t about this? You say you usually feel numb so maybe on some level it feels safer for you to allow yourself to feel some of your feelings just before a t session rather than in the middle of the week when you don't have your t for support. And then you're interpreting those feelings as pre-t anxiety when that might not be completely accurate. Just a thought. I'm glad you're having less anxiety attacks though - I have them as well and they're horrible.

I've actually never brought it up. But it shows in how I act in the session. I guess because that's the most vulnerable I ever let myself be. I hate that.
I don't think I'm excited to enter that building. I smile all the same to the admins, but when I sit and wait on the couch, at one point I thought there was an earthquake, but it was just that my legs were shaking. :\ THAT has never happened to me before
I see her once every 4-5 weeks though, because of my insane schedule.
And I don't think I'm dependent on her for support -> she works with exercises in cbt mostly. I'm mentioning the period of time, because it's been over a year, and I still get these feelings... and cbt is supposed to be SHORT.

I'm especially anxious the night before session... in the last weeks I really struggled a lot to sleep a little. Curious, as the other days I always sleep normally.. but whatever.

I got all the kind of thoughts on my way to T, even some really anxious ones...

After session I'm usually pretty destroyed emotionally.

You are definetely not alone, I think a lot of people experiment this, one way or another!

I'm kinda scared to bring this up with her.
There's no one who intimidates me more than her. lol.
I have problems sleeping the night before too I don't think it's excitement... Just fear. Even when I'm there, I speak softly and quickly. I jumble my words. I'm not usually like that. I'm articulate etc.

I always feel sick right before therapy...it goes away sometime during the visit.

Hi Crash&burn,

I think it is understandable for people to experience some level of nervousness before a session, even just from wondering how it will go etc I know I definately experience it just before I walk into my session and I actually really cherish my therapy time and my Therapist, so I often wonder why I feel nervous beforehand.

Your anxiety does seem to be very high however and I am concerned that you find her so "intimidating". What is it that you find intimidating?
I also think that the level of anxiety is possibily increased due to only having a session every 4-5 weeks as it means that in between sessions you have lost connection with her and aren't really getting the opportunity to get used to her; So even though you feel that you should be ok with her as it's been over a year, techniqualy thats only maybe 10-12 sessions ina year which have been very spread out.

I am also a bit concerned that if you have such fear surrounding the sessions if you are actually benefiting from them at the moment?

sending you hugs and comfort
xxxx

I too, get pre-T anxiety on top of the norm anxiety lol.... I have found through my own personal reasoning...that you know you are going to have to go in there and talk about stuff thats going to be difficult and hard to talk about and maybe that is why you feel so intimidated because you have someone sitting there, looking at you, asking and trying to pull out questions and answers from you...
Not sure in your case, but maybe you should mention this to her it may make you feel less anxious to talk about it out in the open?? Hopefully it works out well for you next session

I don't think it's her per se (ok, maybe a little), but the mere fact of me being there. That vulnerability is not really something I enjoy.
We're doing that because I told her I couldn't handle the 2-3 weeks thing. I've a tight schedule, and the post therapy exhaustion is not something I could afford often.
I've seen a general improvement from when I started.. but i'm not so sure.
Maybe therapy isn't for me?

Sounds like you ARE benefiting from the sessions. I think, too,the anxiety might be partly from having them spaced out so, and having had these anxious feelings before so you set yourself up in your mind to feel that way again.

Anyone can benefit from therapy--even the healthiest of us. CBT is wonderful--I picked up the "logical distortions" from a management tape I listened to when I was working as a manufacturing superintendent. I had the notes in a little notebook and referred to them at least once a week. Didn't recognize it as CBT till I read a book years later when I was hospitalized for depression. So I'm not as prone to illogical thinking as most people, as I trained myself years ago. But I still can slip into negative thinking and paint everything black. But T quickly corrects me, or hubby--he's heard it all from me so many times during our "discussions".

If you can afford the cost of therapy or have insurance to cover, why not go and see what benefit you get? If you aren't sure if you are accomplishing enough, why don't you bring that up with your therapist too. I think you should discuss the anxiety for sure. Your T may be able to tell you something to help relieve that. As for the exhaustion afterwards, I think that is entirely normal. Probably not much you can do about that.