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#1
Apr 27, 2011, 02:17 PM
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My session was awful. Horrible. I'm still trying to process it. I will say my t was probably glad, in that way only a therapist can be, to see me break down into sobbing tears more than once.
I don't know if I'm going back. I'm giving myself permission to not decide that right now as I take some time to lick my wounds and contemplate how everything just changed. |
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#2
Apr 27, 2011, 02:21 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go well. I think it's wise to wait to make any decisions. Can you say what happened? Sorry you are hurting so much.
hugs |
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#3
Apr 27, 2011, 02:23 PM
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I will post more in a bit, I'm still on my way home and posting from my phone right now. Mostly because I NEED to talk but doing so in front of the driver is, uh, awkward. Still can't stop crying.
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#4
Apr 27, 2011, 02:40 PM
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((((( zoo )))))
I'm sorry you're enduring such pain right now. I hope your tears will help release some of that pain. Please post when you can....I will try to get back online later tonight. Just know that I care....((( BIG HUGS )))
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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#5
Apr 27, 2011, 02:41 PM
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She did most of the talking. When I did talk, she interrupted me. A lot. She was sarcastic and condescending. She didn't hear most, if any of what I had to say.
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#6
Apr 27, 2011, 02:42 PM
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Poor zoo.
 I'm sorry it was so painful. What can we do to help make it better?
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#7
Apr 27, 2011, 02:54 PM
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Yike, that's terrible!!
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#8
Apr 27, 2011, 03:07 PM
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Awww Zoo I am so sorry
I wish I could give you a real hug right now. I think I would have cried too if I felt my T was being condesending and sarcastic towards me, as well as talking over the top of me we are here for you when you are ready to talk about it.
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#9
Apr 27, 2011, 03:13 PM
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Oh, (((((((((ZOO)))))))))))))
 Please post when you can, and know that there is a lot of love and support for you here on PC and out in the world. 
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#10
Apr 27, 2011, 03:34 PM
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I am so sad. T did a really good job of pretending like she cared about me, or liked me, for the past 2 years. It is painful and startling to see the reality is different.
So much of this is tied in with my abandonment stuff and with issues with my mother. So much. I know this could be an opportunity for me to finally work through some of that stuff, but at the same time I am so stung by Ts words and her demeanor towards me that I don't know how I could force myself to go sit in her office again.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#11
Apr 27, 2011, 03:36 PM
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(((((((((((((zoo)))))))))))))))) i am so sorry this is so hard!
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#12
Apr 27, 2011, 03:36 PM
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Unbelievably, stupidly, I want to call her. I want to tell her how much I'm hurting. I want to tell her how I don't trust her anymore. I want to tell her that I knew this would happen all along and she TRICKED me into believing her and trusting her, only to have her hurt me in the end just as I feared. And I know those are my thoughts and feelings and not the reality of what happened. But, shoot. It sure FEELS real.
I am almost literally fighting with myself. I know calling her won't help. I KNOW IT WON'T HELP. And I am almost overwhelmingly temtped to do it anyway. I can't see how I can sit alone with these feelings. Damn. Why am I so horrible that no one can handle being in a relationship with me, not even a trained professional? Wow.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#13
Apr 27, 2011, 03:39 PM
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Quote:
I just blasted her and then I said, "And, so what do you have to say for yourself?" I think it's good to express what we're feeling. that's the whole point, isn't it? |
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#14
Apr 27, 2011, 03:39 PM
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((((((zooropa))))) Sorry you had a bad session.
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#15
Apr 27, 2011, 03:44 PM
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ok, this is what I'm feeling right now, and it is almost knocking me over. I am so horrible that nobody will love me. Ever. I feel sorry for my kids because they have to live with me and they don't have a choice and anyone who ever does have a choice chooses to leave.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#16
Apr 27, 2011, 03:45 PM
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aw zoo it must have been a really horrible session for you!
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#17
Apr 27, 2011, 03:46 PM
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dammit. somebody tell me not to call her. I know it won't help. Dammmit.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#18
Apr 27, 2011, 03:48 PM
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Quote:
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 zooropa
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#19
Apr 27, 2011, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
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| zooropa
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#20
Apr 27, 2011, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
(((((((zoo))))))) |
| zooropa
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#21
Apr 27, 2011, 03:50 PM
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then don't call if you believe it won't help!
but keep in mind, you are NOT unlovable, you ARE lovable, you are loved by your creator! |
| karebear1, rainbow8, Suratji, zooropa
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#22
Apr 27, 2011, 03:50 PM
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Quote:
decisons made when emotions are very high are usually not the best
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| Suratji, zooropa
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#23
Apr 27, 2011, 03:50 PM
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Zoo, find something to do that will distract you from this for awhile. Stewing over it will just send you into a spiral. You need some mental "space" from this so that you can look at it more objectively. Let yourself calm down for a bit before you do anything with what you are feeling.
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| Suratji, zooropa
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#24
Apr 27, 2011, 03:56 PM
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How horrific.....someone who is supposed to support and help you...to disrespect and abuse you further. You could send her a letter of restorative justice: This is what you did; this is how it made me feel.
SHAME on her! |
| zooropa
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#25
Apr 27, 2011, 04:22 PM
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(((((((((zoo)))))))))
Do you want to share what she said? Do you want to share what you want to say to her? Sometimes writing it ALL out on PC helps me. I don't feel alone with it anymore, and even though it doesn't "fix" it, it lightens the load a bit. Just to be able to keep coming back and saying "it still hurts, I'm still scared" and have people hear me and GET it. I agree with Chris...don't call yet. Wait. Breathe. Type. Breathe some more. I so know the "I'm unlovable" place, and it's the most painful place for me. It feels SO REAL when I'm in it. I love you. And I am glad I have a relationship with you. And that is the Truth.
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| zooropa
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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