[sittingatwatersedge]

More than once in this last session, I tried to inject a little humor ... mostly it didn't work... for example, I told T that I think I will get a button made up that reads, "Safety First" - that's me all over ... she didn't laugh.

Sigh.... Anyone else have a good way of getting T to lighten up?

Hmm. I don't know. My t and I share a lot of laughter. Just keep trying I guess.

[Suratji]

Maybe she's just missing the humor gene. My T is naturally light-hearted and she makes me laugh a lot. It just brings a grin to my face when I remember some of the things we've laughed about.

[with or without you]

if I met with a new T and he or she had no sense of humor, it would be our first and last session.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by with or without you

if I met with a new T and he or she had no sense of humor, it would be our first and last session.

T loves to laugh; it was a very difficult session.

[darkrunner]

Maybe she thinks you are using humor as avoidance, so she is trying not to encourage it?

I actually have the opposite problem. My T uses humor a lot, and I wish she wouldn't.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

T loves to laugh; it was a very difficult session.

Forgive me, I misunderstood

My t does have times when he tells me to stop deflecting with humor. Was that what was going on?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

My t does have times when he tells me to stop deflecting with humor. Was that what was going on?

if "deflecting" is what I think it is, probably yes.

so what would yr T tell me is appropriate? Just let the misery drag me down into the darkness? The pain is horrible - are we not allowed even to writhe a little?!

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

if "deflecting" is what I think it is, probably yes.

so what would yr T tell me is appropriate? Just let the misery drag me down into the darkness? The pain is horrible - are we not allowed even to writhe a little?!

I agree. I think we should be able to sidestep when it gets to be too much. A T should know what our limits are. I've experienced my T pulling back when she senses I can't do much more.

I certainly understand what you are saying. Been there; done that. He wants me to keep focusing on the topic at hand, hard as it is. Generally I'm right at the edge of an important insight and he doesn't want me to lose that insight by changing the subject with my humor. Sometimes getting to those insights is a painful process.

[ECHOES]

Yes, we share laughs.
But when I'm using humor to avoid... not so much.

[lastyearisblank]

Omg, if you make me laugh when I'm crying, I will adore you forever. I definitely see a place for humor in therapy.

[granite1]

my T laughs sometimes and i dont like it much sometimes because it feels like she is laughting at me.like i told her once she scared me after a huge rupture and i almost quit and she kind of laughed like she thought it was crazy that i would be scared.i know she was just trying to show me i dont need to be scared and it shouldnt be a worry but boy did she miss that one lol.but i dont think she would laugh either if i was to use humor as a way to avoid talking about something.i do remember once i made a list of what my perfect therapy session would be like.and at then end of the list i wrote and as long as im dreaming can i get a huge overstuffed couch so i can hide in it .she did laugh at that and asked if the old uncomfortable chairs just aren't doing it for me and that made me smile and lightened the mood

[sittingatwatersedge]

>>> and at then end of the list i wrote and as long as im dreaming can i get a huge overstuffed couch so i can hide in it .

that made me laugh too, thanks Granite! I needed it.
so................. did she get you the couch?

[SpiritRunner]

today I was laughing instead of crying and T was laughing too......and I said, stop laughing at me! she said, I am laughing WITH you..... and it is true, I WAS laughing but I really wanted to be crying and hated that she laughed too because even though I said something darkly humorous and laughed I DID NOT want her to laugh too. And sometimes she does that and I don't always like it because I feel laughed AT.....but I need to reframe it so that I see that she is laughing WITH me, like she might cry with me if I cried......

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((poetgirl)))) Yikes, if my T cried with me I think I would freak.


maybe we (at the Therapy Client Accessory Store) could get a pin that lights up green "you can laugh now T" or red "whatever you do don't laugh, T" hmmm how else will they know since (they say) they can't read our minds...........

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Sigh.... Anyone else have a good way of getting T to lighten up?

Since she doesn't respond to humor during these difficult therapy times, maybe just directly say, "that was so intense, I need to take a little break and lighten things up a bit," and then do a few deep breaths and lean back in your chair and try to relax. Hopefully, she'll take your lead and draw back too and let you have some space to take a rest from the intensity and pain.

Sorry it was such a tough session!

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by poetgirl76

today I was laughing instead of crying and T was laughing too......and I said, stop laughing at me! she said, I am laughing WITH you..... and it is true, I WAS laughing but I really wanted to be crying and hated that she laughed too because even though I said something darkly humorous and laughed I DID NOT want her to laugh too. And sometimes she does that and I don't always like it because I feel laughed AT.....but I need to reframe it so that I see that she is laughing WITH me, like she might cry with me if I cried......

Were you able to explain your feelings about that? Sometimes my T apologizes for laughing because she thinks it may have offended or hurt me, but for me, it always feels good - that she is there with me and joining me and even maybe making fun of some of my silliness. But I so resonate with her laughter that it feels supportive no matter what.

How can your T know that your laughter isn't real?

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Suratji

Were you able to explain your feelings about that? Sometimes my T apologizes for laughing because she thinks it may have offended or hurt me, but for me, it always feels good - that she is there with me and joining me and even maybe making fun of some of my silliness. But I so resonate with her laughter that it feels supportive no matter what.

How can your T know that your laughter isn't real?

I don't know if she can know if it's real or not.....sometimes I don't know!
It's just that I did say something funny, though it was dark, and I laughed....so she laughed too....
I think she knows that sometimes it is a deflection, but sometimes that it is a reflection of tears really....the trouble is sometimes it is both, sometimes it is neither, sometimes I don't know which it is! So how can she know?!
Some of it is just my perception, the cognitive distortion that I am being laughed at when really I know I am not....that it is a supportive laugh, or a laugh that understands that there are tears behind the laugh....
Because I said, I might as well laugh as cry.....and she said, yes, why not? So it wasn't that bad. It ended up being a shared sort of moment of emotion which I think we both understood was really tears....
Sorry, I think I hijacked the thread with this....sorry SAWE!

[Transcending1]

My boyfriend says that my sense of humor has become more refined since entering therapy. It's a defense mechanism that I employ often during sessions. My therapist doesn't laugh at my attempt at humor, although I notice that my friends/co-workers seem to find me more amusing. He either has no sense of humor or sees it as an avoidant measure.