[I_Love_Pink80]

hate the question “What brings you to therapy?”. It’s like “What is wrong with you and how can I fix you?” It makes me feel like I am weird and crazy. I feel like my husband just looks at me and thinks I am crazy. I can see it in his eyes. I can’t do this on Monday. Im canceling.

[SoupDragon]

As someone who struggles so much in going to therapy, all I want to say is please do go - I constantly feel weird and crazy, struggle to go shopping, to be around people, however still manage to work although it is really hard to keep up the pretence of being "normal" (whatever that means).

I have sat without saying much in therapy for 15 months now and I am only just beginning to realise that my T can't fix me, it is something that I have to do for myself. However my T has a really important role within this.

I began by just telling my T, that I didn't know who I was, how I was feeling or where I was going - that was enough to get us started. Since then we have just worked on creating an environment where I can start to open up more and explore those weird and crazy things.

People said to me just tell your T what you posted on here - i.e. hate the question “What brings you to therapy?”. It’s like “What is wrong with you and how can I fix you?” It makes me feel like I am weird and crazy.

I really hope you are able to find a way to go on Monday.

SD

[I_Love_Pink80]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

As someone who struggles so much in going to therapy, all I want to say is please do go - I constantly feel weird and crazy, struggle to go shopping, to be around people, however still manage to work although it is really hard to keep up the pretence of being "normal" (whatever that means).

I have sat without saying much in therapy for 15 months now and I am only just beginning to realise that my T can't fix me, it is something that I have to do for myself. However my T has a really important role within this.

I began by just telling my T, that I didn't know who I was, how I was feeling or where I was going - that was enough to get us started. Since then we have just worked on creating an environment where I can start to open up more and explore those weird and crazy things.

People said to me just tell your T what you posted on here - i.e. hate the question “What brings you to therapy?”. It’s like “What is wrong with you and how can I fix you?” It makes me feel like I am weird and crazy.

I really hope you are able to find a way to go on Monday.

SD

I don't have the money to go like you do. I have to pay 20.00 each time (Copay)

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by I_Love_Pink80

I don't have the money to go like you do. I have to pay 20.00 each time (Copay)

I am a single mum and do struggle to meet the cost of T - it is sometimes the reason why I tell myself to quit - but I read somewhere that I should think of this as an investment in me and my future, so somehow I manage to keep funding it ( I took out a loan to help pay for it and don't really spend money on anything else other than essentials - having no social life helps!) - I pay £40 per session and try not to think too hard about what that has added up to so far - I just know I need to do this.

Maybe you could decide what you can afford and how many sessions you can commit to and then formulate some sort of plan with your T - also I understand that many T's have a sliding scale payment thing if funding is difficult - I wonder if yours does?

Is the money the main obstacle for you?

[I_Love_Pink80]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

As someone who struggles so much in going to therapy, all I want to say is please do go - I constantly feel weird and crazy, struggle to go shopping, to be around people, however still manage to work although it is really hard to keep up the pretence of being "normal" (whatever that means).

I have sat without saying much in therapy for 15 months now and I am only just beginning to realise that my T can't fix me, it is something that I have to do for myself. However my T has a really important role within this.

I began by just telling my T, that I didn't know who I was, how I was feeling or where I was going - that was enough to get us started. Since then we have just worked on creating an environment where I can start to open up more and explore those weird and crazy things.

People said to me just tell your T what you posted on here - i.e. hate the question “What brings you to therapy?”. It’s like “What is wrong with you and how can I fix you?” It makes me feel like I am weird and crazy.

I really hope you are able to find a way to go on Monday.

SD

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I am a single mum and do struggle to meet the cost of T - it is sometimes the reason why I tell myself to quit - but I read somewhere that I should think of this as an investment in me and my future, so somehow I manage to keep funding it ( I took out a loan to help pay for it and don't really spend money on anything else other than essentials - having no social life helps!) - I pay £40 per session and try not to think too hard about what that has added up to so far - I just know I need to do this.

Maybe you could decide what you can afford and how many sessions you can commit to and then formulate some sort of plan with your T - also I understand that many T's have a sliding scale payment thing if funding is difficult - I wonder if yours does?

Is the money the main obstacle for you?

Yeah finances are the main thing right now. I just bought a new car.

[SoupDragon]

I love my car - it is the one place I can relax without anyone else pressurising me to do, say or be anything - let us know what you decide re: your session on Monday.

[I_Love_Pink80]

I will. Husband thinks I should go....Sigh...Trying to not be angry with him.

[I_Love_Pink80]

I am just so angry at everyone and everything. I cant concentrate. My husband and I have nothing in common but this since lately. Its always on my mind but yet....I can't seem to find it "normal" to go.

[rainbow8]

Hi,

I posted in one of your other threads. Did the drs. tell you that you have post partum depression, which is not uncommon, and is not your fault at all? You would need meds to help, but you wrote that you switched to St.John's Wort. Is that helping? Feeling depressed with a new baby to take care of, and not being married so long either, is going to be overwhelming! It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, either.

Please keep your appointment with the T and tell her all of what you're going through. I hope you feel better soon!

[I_Love_Pink80]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Hi,

I posted in one of your other threads. Did the drs. tell you that you have post partum depression, which is not uncommon, and is not your fault at all? You would need meds to help, but you wrote that you switched to St.John's Wort. Is that helping? Feeling depressed with a new baby to take care of, and not being married so long either, is going to be overwhelming! It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, either.

Please keep your appointment with the T and tell her all of what you're going through. I hope you feel better soon!

At my ER visit, they mentioned it but I was never "Diagnosed". I've cancelled it. I can't get myself to go.

[I_Love_Pink80]

My thing is that I don't want to to go to therapy. I should just feel great and happy.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by I_Love_Pink80

hate the question “What brings you to therapy?”. It’s like “What is wrong with you and how can I fix you?” It makes me feel like I am weird and crazy. I feel like my husband just looks at me and thinks I am crazy. I can see it in his eyes. I can’t do this on Monday. Im canceling.

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much with going. I think you would probably find it very helpful, and I do wish you'd call back and un-cancel.

I understand the feeling that others think you're crazy...but maybe you can look at it in a different way. Maybe what you're seeing in your husband's eyes is just concern...mind-reading is an easy trap to fall in to when you're worried about something. If you were suddenly unable to...say...walk across your house....you'd be concerned enough to go see a doctor, right? Well, your anger and other concerns are basically the mental equivalent of that...you have something going on that is preventing you from doing things you used to be able to do. The right thing to do is to seek a professional to help you figure out what's going on. It does not mean you are crazy or weird, it means you recognize that something needs to be worked on so that you can live your life more fully.

When a T asks you "what brings you to therapy" it really is just what it sounds like...they do need to know why you're there. If that question bothers you so, then say that. Say "I really don't like that question." Or, answer honestly..."my husband made me come, I'm angry all the time, etc." The T just needs someplace to start. Think of it like a medical doctor asking the reason for your office visit...they need you to point them in some direction to start with.

When I was really struggling with emotions a few weeks ago, my T replied back to an email with the following - "You are NOT losing your mind, you are integrating body, mind and spirit." That comment meant so much to me that it made me cry in relief. I'm sharing that with you. You are not crazy, you are simply struggling with integrating your body, mind, and spirit and it's so much harder without any help!

[dismantle.repair]

And have you felt great and happy? Could you? Do you?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by I_Love_Pink80

I should just feel great and happy.

Ah - those "should" statements...they're one of the worst things you can do to yourself! Why "should" you feel great and happy? Who says you should? Why is that the rule, rather than that you are allowed to feel what you're feeling?

[I_Love_Pink80]

Yes sometimes I am happy and sometimes I am not.

I hate the word Mental, Psych.

[I_Love_Pink80]

And what the **** is Psychotherapy??????? That's real nice.

[SoupDragon]

"Psychotherapy" ? Depends onyour perspective I guess.

a) supportive / pressured
b) expensive / free
c) worthwhile / slow
d) something everyone can benefit from / something only mad people do
f) a string of letters put together in a certain way that make a certain sound

What does it mean to you?

[I_Love_Pink80]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Hi,

I posted in one of your other threads. Did the drs. tell you that you have post partum depression, which is not uncommon, and is not your fault at all? You would need meds to help, but you wrote that you switched to St.John's Wort. Is that helping? Feeling depressed with a new baby to take care of, and not being married so long either, is going to be overwhelming! It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, either.

Please keep your appointment with the T and tell her all of what you're going through. I hope you feel better soon!

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

"Psychotherapy" ? Depends onyour perspective I guess.

a) supportive / pressured
b) expensive / free
c) worthwhile / slow
d) something everyone can benefit from / something only mad people do
f) a string of letters put together in a certain way that make a certain sound

What does it mean to you?

What it says...... "Psycho.....Therapy"

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by I_Love_Pink80

What it says...... "Psycho.....Therapy"

But you're letting your own anger and worries color your perception. The true definition of the word is much more mild than you are allowing it to be.

Really - "psychotherapy" is an English word with Greek roots. The ancient Greek "psyche" meaning "breath; spirit; soul" and "therapia" meaning "healing;medical treatment." So the word in it's most pure form is simply a healing of the spirit or soul. It doesn't mean "therapy for a crazy person" which is the definition you seem to want to assign to it.

[SoupDragon]

As with the name of this site - Psych comes from the Greek word to mean "life" "soul" "spirit" "self" - so physical therapy is therapy to treat our physical selves and "psych(o)" therapy is just therapy to treat our inner self.

It is unfortunate that the term "psycho" has been adopted by some as a slang term - maybe psychotherapy would be better labelled as psyche therapy.

I can however understand how difficult it may be for you to engage in psycho therapy - particularly with your initial experience and the meaning this term has for you.

[I_Love_Pink80]

This is all relating back to my ER visit. I will tell you in detail what happened in an hour.

[I_Love_Pink80]

Okay here is my ER experience.

I was taking the shot Depo Provera which has a side effect of severe depression and that is what I was having. My mom and Husband called my OB. I would only see 2 doctors out of the 7 that are there because only two am I 100% comfortable with. If I am not comfortable then you miles well forget trying cause I am 100% stubborn. Anyway, the 2 doctors were not available but I talked to the one who delivered my daughter and she said to go to the ER then I talked to one of the nurse's from my OB office who suggested "Psych ER". I said absolutely not and that I would go to regular ER but not psych ER. She PROMISED me up and down I would be going to the "Regular" ER. So okay I agreed. I didn't want my husband there because I was so angry at him thinking this was his doing. So, anyway we get there and a nurse came to get me to take me down this hallway which was regular ER till she turned me into another hallway which turned into "Psych" ER. I didn't know I was in "Psych ER" till they put me in an all metal room. I was freaking out. Then the nurse J was just sitting there waiting for me to put my gown on. She was going to watch me undress. I told her no so she left BUT she opened the blinds for EVERYONE in the hallway to see me (Security MALE guards, Nurses, Doctors, Patients, etc.) I changed. Then she had a "Patient Companion" girl come in to sit in my room. Every word I said or every move I made, she wrote it down on a sheet of paper. They made me take my WEDDING rings off and they wanted to lock everything I had up. I told them no but my mom took my wedding rings from me and wouldn't give them back.

My husband did show up after I told my mom to call him. The Psych doctor asked him if he wanted me admitted. He told them no and if he did say yes, They would have admitted me. I felt alone, scared, abandoned. I had to AGREE to see a Psychiatrist in order for me to leave to go home. When we left, It was like walking out of prision. It was FREEDOM for me again. It was like I hadn't been outside for 35 years. I did end up going to see a Psychiatrist in May and he told me I didn't need to be seen again. He told me that my OB was stupid to send me to the ER and that all It seemed that I had was a panic attack which I did have as soon as I saw my husband in my ER room. I could barely catch a breath.

I have nightmares and I have daymares (Day nightmares) about it. It is ALL I think about. All I can talk about. It is consuming my life.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by I_Love_Pink80

Okay here is my ER experience.

I was taking the shot Depo Provera which has a side effect of severe depression and that is what I was having. My mom and Husband called my OB. I would only see 2 doctors out of the 7 that are there because only two am I 100% comfortable with. If I am not comfortable then you miles well forget trying cause I am 100% stubborn. Anyway, the 2 doctors were not available but I talked to the one who delivered my daughter and she said to go to the ER then I talked to one of the nurse's from my OB office who suggested "Psych ER". I said absolutely not and that I would go to regular ER but not psych ER. She PROMISED me up and down I would be going to the "Regular" ER. So okay I agreed. I didn't want my husband there because I was so angry at him thinking this was his doing. So, anyway we get there and a nurse came to get me to take me down this hallway which was regular ER till she turned me into another hallway which turned into "Psych" ER. I didn't know I was in "Psych ER" till they put me in an all metal room. I was freaking out. Then the nurse J was just sitting there waiting for me to put my gown on. She was going to watch me undress. I told her no so she left BUT she opened the blinds for EVERYONE in the hallway to see me (Security MALE guards, Nurses, Doctors, Patients, etc.) I changed. Then she had a "Patient Companion" girl come in to sit in my room. Every word I said or every move I made, she wrote it down on a sheet of paper. They made me take my WEDDING rings off and they wanted to lock everything I had up. I told them no but my mom took my wedding rings from me and wouldn't give them back.

My husband did show up after I told my mom to call him. The Psych doctor asked him if he wanted me admitted. He told them no and if he did say yes, They would have admitted me. I felt alone, scared, abandoned. I had to AGREE to see a Psychiatrist in order for me to leave to go home. When we left, It was like walking out of prision. It was FREEDOM for me again. It was like I hadn't been outside for 35 years. I did end up going to see a Psychiatrist in May and he told me I didn't need to be seen again. He told me that my OB was stupid to send me to the ER and that all It seemed that I had was a panic attack which I did have as soon as I saw my husband in my ER room. I could barely catch a breath.

I have nightmares and I have daymares (Day nightmares) about it. It is ALL I think about. All I can talk about. It is consuming my life.

On my goodness - it sounds such an awful experience that you had in the ER, wow what a breach of trust when the nurse had assured you it would not be psych ER and then the humiliation of having to undress and have everything taken from you - I can completely understand how that must make it so very difficult for you to trust "psycho" therapy and how it would need to be a big step for you to take to go to a session, let alone build a relationship where you feel able to talk about things.

Thanks for sharing that stuff, please post some more if you are able - there are lots of good people on this site.

[I_Love_Pink80]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

On my goodness - it sounds such an awful experience that you had in the ER, wow what a breach of trust when the nurse had assured you it would not be psych ER and then the humiliation of having to undress and have everything taken from you - I can completely understand how that must make it so very difficult for you to trust "psycho" therapy and how it would need to be a big step for you to take to go to a session, let alone build a relationship where you feel able to talk about things.

Thanks for sharing that stuff, please post some more if you are able - there are lots of good people on this site.

So now maybe everyone has a better understanding of why my trust is broken with ANYONE in the "Psych" department of "trying" to help me. This is why I would LOVE to cancel my Appt.

What you experienced was kind of the extreme psych er experience. The steps they took are actually pretty standard and are meant for the protection of the patient, but you weren't so severe that they needed to go through those steps with you as apparently you were not a danger to yourself or others.

I can assure you that the psych er experience is NOT standard treatment and is certainly nothing like what you will experience in therapy.