[granite1]

most people wish there T was a friend or something.i found myself wishing a coworker was my T . anyone ever experience this .

i have been thinking a lot about the posts and comments about getting your needs met bye your T. if it is good to have your T try to meet some of your needs

as i think most of you know i have had an awful time at work and how i have been so out of control.i am crying every day and having huge tantrums.one person who has been so helpful has been my ESR employee services rep.she has really been taking care of me big time and standing up fpr me speaking for me to the other Mgr and has told me that she is feeling that she needs to protect me she is really helping me feel safe at work some the other day she said she is waiting for me to talk to her about what is going on so she can do something about itshe said that these people don't scare her at all and all i need to do is talk to her and she will take care of the rest.

now i started thinking i wish that she was my T.but i don't know if this is good or not.my T's response to what little she knows about my stuff at work is that i need to act like and adult and that she will be on vacation the next week.with her being gone i am being forced to get my need elsewhere but i don't know if this is healthy or not.i mean i like that this person feels like she needs to protect me and is really helping me be OK at work and is essentially taking care of me these days.is this healthy.

i think my behavior at work has gotten even worse .i am even wondering if my inability to keep things under control is made worse because i am mad that my T has gone on vacation when i need her here so badly to help me deal with things that are going on with me.i don't know all i know is i am so totally out of control it is turning the work place upside down and i just want to crawl up in a hole and die.i worry that when my T gets back to work she will decide i need a break and ask if i will go in the hosp or something and i think my husband will agree.so in the end i really wish right now the ESR Ware i work was my T at least she is there for me somewhat

[PTSDlovemycats]

((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) I always struggle when my T is away too, which she is right now as well. Hang in there Granite, things will improve!

[arcangel]

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time now. I think that sometimes people can put too much faith in their therapist. Or that they can rely too much on a therapist.
I've never had one who I felt could help me get through a day or a week. Maybe I've never had a great one
You're having a really hard time at work now. Is it possible you could take some time off? It might be best for you and your future relations at your work place. Just a thought.
To answer your question...I've never had a co-worker who I'd like as a therapist.
If I could have a fantasy therapist though I'd pick Joanne Woodward

IMHO i don't think it is bad to let this person help you at work if you feel this helps you till t gets back

about needing to go into the hospital though, usually when i need to go in, the need is immediate and so i don't understand how you can put that off even if t is gone? and H supports the idea? that is a good thing

granite, please do what you need to do to stay safe

sending tons and tons of safe hugs

[granite1]

Originally Posted by arcangel

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time now. I think that sometimes people can put too much faith in their therapist. Or that they can rely too much on a therapist.
I've never had one who I felt could help me get through a day or a week. Maybe I've never had a great one
You're having a really hard time at work now. Is it possible you could take some time off? It might be best for you and your future relations at your work place. Just a thought.
To answer your question...I've never had a co-worker who I'd like as a therapist.
If I could have a fantasy therapist though I'd pick Joanne Woodward

i am trying at this point i am running the department and am doing between 50 to 55 hours a week.the esr cut my hours back to 40 and it caused all kinds of dramam betwenn her and my boss and i ended up working.this is part of the problem i am burning out and i cant say anything.the esr can only do so much with out my help . i cant seem to say no or open my mouth at all.my husband says im behaving like a battered wife only it is work.i do have two days off in a row two weeks from now.but my esr has been so unbelieveable nice and careing i just wish she was my T

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Granite,

*huge hugs* It sounds like your having a really rough time of it at the moment. I am really glad that this lady has been so supportive of your. I was thinking that maybe at the end of the day it doesn't matter what title she has because she is still someone who is being very supportive. You don't need her to be your therapist because as your ESR employee services rep she is doing great. Or maybe just as a fellow human she is doing fantastic .

How do you feel about hospital? I know you say that you think T and your husband may think it would be a good idea but what are your thoughts?

I am glad that this lady can be there for you whilst you T is away.

Do you feel you have any control over your behaviour and mood whilst at work, it sounds like your feeling completely out of control?

To answer your question I think the only person I wished was my T was my tutor last year who was actually a T herself anyway, I sometimes thought, I would like her as my T, but not always.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[granite1]

Originally Posted by jbmomg

IMHO i don't think it is bad to let this person help you at work if you feel this helps you till t gets back

about needing to go into the hospital though, usually when i need to go in, the need is immediate and so i don't understand how you can put that off even if t is gone? and H supports the idea? that is a good thing

granite, please do what you need to do to stay safe

sending tons and tons of safe hugs

i am so use to being just thrown in the hosp by T's i'm just scared this one will do the same esp if my husband is saying it may be a good idea.but that could be because he may be tired.

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by granite1

i am trying at this point i am running the department and am doing between 50 to 55 hours a week.the esr cut my hours back to 40 and it caused all kinds of dramam betwenn her and my boss and i ended up working.this is part of the problem i am burning out and i cant say anything.the esr can only do so much with out my help . i cant seem to say no or open my mouth at all.my husband says im behaving like a battered wife only it is work.i do have two days off in a row two weeks from now.but my esr has been so unbelieveable nice and careing i just wish she was my T

You're very lucky you have someone like that in your work place. By all means let her help you to whatever extent she can. Your job is obviously very important to you but please put your self first...it sounds like you need a break. If you burn out and need to be hospitalized, the company is going to have to manage to get along without you. They will just have to get along without you if you take some time off
I hope you work this out in the way you think is best.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Granite are you able to contact your T via texting or email right now? Perhaps you could let your T know what is going on and see what your T sugggests. Thinking of you!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey Granite,

*huge hugs* It sounds like your having a really rough time of it at the moment. I am really glad that this lady has been so supportive of your. I was thinking that maybe at the end of the day it doesn't matter what title she has because she is still someone who is being very supportive. You don't need her to be your therapist because as your ESR employee services rep she is doing great. Or maybe just as a fellow human she is doing fantastic .

How do you feel about hospital? I know you say that you think T and your husband may think it would be a good idea but what are your thoughts?

I am glad that this lady can be there for you whilst you T is away.

Do you feel you have any control over your behaviour and mood whilst at work, it sounds like your feeling completely out of control?

To answer your question I think the only person I wished was my T was my tutor last year who was actually a T herself anyway, I sometimes thought, I would like her as my T, but not always.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thanks diz i wont let them put me in the hosp.i hate them.
i dont feel i have any controle at work or at home.i dont know what is going on with me .i did try to talk to T about it some but it is really hard.then she went on vacation she came back and saw me once just to say she wasnt going to be thare next week.
it devistated me .i'm not holding it together untill she gets back.i am falling appart more every day.i am in my bosses or mgr's office at least once every day just crying.today the esr wasnt working and it was so hard i was falling appart instantly after dealing with one customer.i just am having all kinds of problems and it seems like my esr is more caring than my T all she wants is vacations

just wondering what was you tutor for.i had a speach T when i was in 3rd grade because they figured me not talking was causing delyrd speach.i remember him always bribing me with M&M's if i made all the sounds he wanted me to.LOL

[PTSDlovemycats]

Maybe taking a week off work is an option for you? do you have any vacation time you could take? I just want to see you get through this safely and with as much support as possible. More ((((Hugs))))

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Granite are you able to contact your T via texting or email right now? Perhaps you could let your T know what is going on and see what your T sugggests. Thinking of you!

i so wish i could i sent her a letter but she wont contact me.no calls or e-mail either .she just isnt thare for me at all for another week.i dont know what place i will be in at that point.i really am trying it is just hard.i am thankfull for my esr she is really going out of her way to help.she says she feels she needs to protect me.i like that

[PTSDlovemycats]

Ok, well if things get too bad there is always the crisis line. Have you thought about that at all? I am sorry that your T isn't there for you right now.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Maybe taking a week off work is an option for you? do you have any vacation time you could take? I just want to see you get through this safely and with as much support as possible. More ((((Hugs))))

i cant even get two days off without causing drama and i just want it all to go away.i have noone to replace me right now it kind of sucks.i just want two days off.in two weeks i will have a monday and tuesday off.if i dont loose it totally.the esr will be thare tues my next work day.i only have to go in for a few hours tomorrow so that wont be bad i wont have to interact with noone

[PTSDlovemycats]

What about going and getting a note from a doctor (like a clinic) saying that you need a few days off for personal reasons?? Is that possible??

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Ok, well if things get too bad there is always the crisis line. Have you thought about that at all? I am sorry that your T isn't there for you right now.

i dont know any .i did think about that but remember someone here saying they were talking on a crisis line and the cops showed up at her house.i wouldnt want that

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

What about going and getting a note from a doctor (like a clinic) saying that you need a few days off for personal reasons?? Is that possible??

cats you are so so sweetit may just have to come to that.if i have the guts to do it i am so chicken.i hate conflict

[PTSDlovemycats]

I have phoned the crisis line MANY times and I have NEVER had that happen to me. As long as you don't say something like "I am going to kill myself" you should be fine. I have called them before when I was suicidal and they were able to talk me through my urges and help distract me and also help me come up with some distractions. The one i called was 1-800-SUICIDE. You have nothing to lose Granite.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by granite1

cats you are so so sweetit may just have to come to that.if i have the guts to do it i am so chicken.i hate conflict

Awe Thanks . Granite, I think it is called Karma. You have been there for me so now I am here for you. What goes around comes around right?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Awe Thanks . Granite, I think it is called Karma. You have been there for me so now I am here for you. What goes around comes around right?

[PTSDlovemycats]

Just make sure right now that YOU take care of YOU Granite and keep us posted with how you are doing.

[rainbow8]

granite, I'm sorry work is so difficult for you right now. Do you talk to your ESR? I mean, more than you do to your T? I'm trying to get a sense as to whether you speak at work or if not, how do you manage without speaking?

I can understand why you feel close to this person, the rep, since she is compassionate towards you. I think other people can sometimes help more than a T. Often people on PC help me more than mine! I used to have a close friend who really listened to me whenever I needed her to; she was sort of a T to me.

I also think you need some time off work, or at least cut down the hours. Why do you have to work so many hours? I wish you could talk to your T about all of this, including how your ESR makes you feel, and how her taking so many vacations make you feel. It could be healing for you if you could tell her, but I know you know that, and I know that wishing it doesn't make it happen.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

granite, I'm sorry work is so difficult for you right now. Do you talk to your ESR? I mean, more than you do to your T? I'm trying to get a sense as to whether you speak at work or if not, how do you manage without speaking?

I can understand why you feel close to this person, the rep, since she is compassionate toward you. I think other people can sometimes help more than a T. Often people on PC help me more than mine! I used to have a close friend who really listened to me whenever I needed her to; she was sort of a T to me.

I also think you need some time off work, or at least cut down the hours. Why do you have to work so many hours? I wish you could talk to your T about all of this, including how your ESR makes you feel, and how her taking so many vacations make you feel. It could be healing for you if you could tell her, but I know you know that, and I know that wishing it doesn't make it happen.

no i don't really talk that much at work.i do talk to customers somewhat when things are OK.i can answer questions and all.but not many co workers at all.this is part of the huge problem at work.i am so upset i cant even look at the customers never mind talk to them.some complain and this is also why i am being brought into the office so many times and i cant deal with that and all i do is cry or explode when i am doing my work.acting like a little brat.this is the problem I'm not managing without speaking.it is getting so out of control.things are going on in my head at work also.things i don't know if they are real or not.like thinking this coworker wanted to hurt me .he tried to hit me with a swinging door because he was mad at something i did .he called me a bunch of names and went in the back.i went in the back a little while after and he saw me through the window and pushed the door into me so it would hit me in the face.i put my arms up.he looked like he wanted to kill me.his face was so angry.i panicked and ran to the esr and all i could say was I'm done and cried and cried.i couldn't tell her what happened still cant.i am very short so this guy goes around all day singing short people have no reason to live.he also jumps at me if i ask him for help by saying stuff like you going to be a useless girl all your life.why cant you just do it yourself etc...he is the person i need to go to if i need help with something .he is suppose to be one of my Mgr.i don't ask him for help at all i cant even look at him,i just get very overwhelmed and try to do things myself then start to break down.then act like a brat throwing things screaming crying etc...totally out of control. i think they are all laughing at me and everything and talking about me in the back room,how could they not.it is just bad
my relationship with my esr is strange.i don't know what to think about it.especially sense i started fantasizing about her being my T.yes she is compassionate ,understanding ,she says she wants to protect me and makes me feel like she wants to rescue me.everything i would want.BUT when i was in her office someone came to check on me and i herd her say she was trying to get me to talk(wrong thing to say)i felt that just feeds into my not talking.i have two reasons i feel i don't talk 1 is fear most times 2 is control the more out of control i feel the more i don't talk to gain some sort of control of the situation.i don't know if all of this is healthy.

as far as getting time off it isn't going to happen.i am running the department right now and the only help i had is the guy i talked about.the esr tried to cut my hours down to 40 and give me 2 days off ,but the very next day my mgr came over yelling saying she has no right or power to change his schedule and told me i needed to work those hours because i was already on the schedule.i couldn't tell him no at all all i did was shake my head OK.the esr went nuts when she saw me working and it got into a big thing between them but he told her i was fine with working the hours when he asked me. but i couldn't say no.

sorry so long but it did feel so good to just get out some of the stuff that is going on,all this is also affecting my home life and my relationship with my husband.i think he is getting a bit overwhelmed also

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

he is the person i need to go to if i need help with something .he is suppose to be one of my Mgr.i don't ask him for help at all i cant even look at him,i just get very overwhelmed and try to do things myself then start to break down.then act like a brat throwing things screaming crying etc...totally out of control. i think they are all laughing at me and everything and talking about me in the back room,

the more out of control i feel the more i don't talk to gain some sort of control of the situation.

it got into a big thing between them

So your manager triggers you? How long has this been going on? You must have been managing this before but now it is harder to manage?

Does this fighting about your hours between these 2 trigger you too?

[granite1]

accually the maagers have not ever had to deal with me directally exsept for the las few months because i am now running the department.i kind of just flew under everyones radar.now i cant and i am having a huge hard time interacting with them and also them me i think.i dont think they know how to deal with me