[PTSDlovemycats]

You start crying? That is if you do actually let yourself. I know a lot of people don't and find this very difficult and I was one of those before until my T talked to me about it and said "it is ok to cry in here you know"

She prefers when I cry instead of smile and try to make a joke. Humour was my biggest defensive mechanism in therapy for the first year or so when I started seeing her. She said that hard part about that was the fact that I am actually pretty funny and I always make her laugh, which she liked but didn't like it in the context that it was happening in.

Does your T pass you the box of kleenex? give you a hug? sit closer to you? Just stare at you? Ask you questions?

Just curious. Mine used to pass the kleenex box to me because I always sit on the couch and they are usually in between the other 2 chairs. Once she came and sat with me on the couch and held my hand and I cried on her shoulder until she said that she was getting soaked from my tears.

Usually now when I cry she sits in her chair and watches me. So I watch her too. (it was kinda weird the first time) She tells me to feel the sensations of the tears rolling down my cheeks. And to try to notice any other sensations that come with it. She knows that I don't cry very much at all and will only cry infront of certain people and she said commented on that and that she is happy that I have chosed her as one of the people that it is ok for me to cry infront of, She will also help me stay grouded if I try to run and dissociate from it which still happens a lot. And I almost forgot she gives the most awesomest hugs too!!

Just wondering what your T's do when you cry -IF you cry that is!

I don't cry very often, but when I do, he usually tells me not to hold it back (I tend to do that). On the rare occasion that I have cried uncontrollably, he has held my hand.

[darkrunner]

My T sits in her chair and watches me, although usually we continue talking even though I'm crying so it's not like she is just watching.

She has gotten out of her chair and handed me a tissue a couple of times; once she said, I know I'm not supposed to do this.....

(I've heard that in posts here, too, that Ts aren't 'supposed' to offer a client tissues, but I'm not sure why....)

I am ok with how she acts. I feel slightly embarassed crying in front of her, but I don't want any physical comfort from her at all.

[granite1]

i dont really cry at all infront of anyone i seem to have to be in quite a desprite place to cry at all and that is usually after i havnt slept in days and have no controle of i an scared for my son like yesterday.i think i am so scared or detached with those kind of things that it will never happen.but thats ok for me i dont like it anyway.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I don't cry very often, but when I do, he usually tells me not to hold it back (I tend to do that). On the rare occasion that I have cried uncontrollably, he has held my hand.

That is very sweet that he held your hand!

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by darkrunner

My T sits in her chair and watches me, although usually we continue talking even though I'm crying so it's not like she is just watching.

She has gotten out of her chair and handed me a tissue a couple of times; once she said, I know I'm not supposed to do this.....

(I've heard that in posts here, too, that Ts aren't 'supposed' to offer a client tissues, but I'm not sure why....)

I am ok with how she acts. I feel slightly embarassed crying in front of her, but I don't want any physical comfort from her at all.

My take on the offering of tissues is that it is enabling us. We know where the tissues are (most of the time) and if we need one we can get it ourselves. Otherwise T's are treating us like a small child that can't do that for themselves. Does that help?

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by granite1

i dont really cry at all infront of anyone i seem to have to be in quite a desprite place to cry at all and that is usually after i havnt slept in days and have no controle of i an scared for my son like yesterday.i think i am so scared or detached with those kind of things that it will never happen.but thats ok for me i dont like it anyway.

Granite, are you able to cry when you are alone? I hope that you are because it isn't good to hold it all in, Sometimes it even feels good as it is a release. But I completely undestand you not crying infront of people. I save that for my 2 cats and T. Lucky them!

[ECHOES]

She tells me it's okay, might ask me to say more about where the emotion is coming from and what it's about, and just accepts it. She has said empathetic words, but those never sound genuine and I've told her that so I think she might think about saying them but doesn't.

The kleenex are always there on a small table within reach, right in front of me.
Sometimes I get mad at myself for crying (again!!!) and angrily snatch a kleenex or two and deal with the anger and frustration about crying.

For the first many months, crying was about all I had to put out there in session; I had very few words.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

She tells me it's okay, might ask me to say more about where the emotion is coming from and what it's about, and just accepts it. She has said empathetic words, but those never sound genuine and I've told her that so I think she might think about saying them but doesn't.

The kleenex are always there on a small table within reach, right in front of me.
Sometimes I get mad at myself for crying (again!!!) and angrily snatch a kleenex or two and deal with the anger and frustration about crying.

For the first many months, crying was about all I had to put out there in session; I had very few words.

Echoes -Your T sounds wonderful. Very caring and supportive of you. I am glad your kleenex is in reach! Mine alwas seems to be MIA when I need one...

[DelusionsDaily]

I havent cried in session. Although this past wednesday a few tears got away from me. We just kept talking but I hated it because the more we talked the harder it got to hold back the tears...but I still managed to. I know its not good for me to do that if I would just let myself get it out there maybe the week between sessions wouldnt be so tough??? I dont know just dont let myself cry.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Melissad -That is understandable. My T always says track the tear coming down your face and do the same for the next ones, this helps me a lot.

[elliemay]

I always thought they handed us kleenex to help keep the stuff that looks like water, but it's snot, contained.

My T sits in his chair. I can promise you if he took one step toward me I would freak out.

I still feel held most of the time. Which is an astonishing feeling.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I always thought they handed us kleenex to help keep the stuff that looks like water, but it's snot, contained.

My T sits in his chair. I can promise you if he took one step toward me I would freak out.

I still feel held most of the time. Which is an astonishing feeling.

LOL Yea, I guess my T wouldn't want a big snot puddle on her nice persian rug. LOL

[vanna123]

I do not cry -- alone - with others or with my T ==== she said I would never be completely healed until I was able to cry. I cannot imagine crying in front of her but if it ever happens I do hope that she is as compassonate as some of the responses I have seen here ---

[darkrunner]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

My take on the offering of tissues is that it is enabling us. We know where the tissues are (most of the time) and if we need one we can get it ourselves. Otherwise T's are treating us like a small child that can't do that for themselves. Does that help?

Yeah, that's the explanation I've heard, but no, it doesn't make sense, and it doesn't help. I don't agree that it is enabling. Many times when I am crying, I am scared and embarassed and feel frozen to my chair. Or I am so intensely in the middle of my emotions that I don't even think of it.

I guess this is off-topic....don't mean to hi-jack the thread.

[SpiritRunner]

I don't think it is enabling either, to hand you tissues, I just think it's a gesture of kindness and compassion and care....the other day T thought I might cry, so she put the box closer to me, as she said, just in case! But of course, in her doing that, it made me think she was expecting me to cry and it gave me some space to push the tears away again, actually.

Thanks for starting this thread, cats....we were getting off-topic in my thread, and getting into this line of thought about crying in front of T, so I'm glad you started this, since it's big on my mind....

This is what I posted in that thread before I saw this one -
***I have a huge issue with crying, period, never mind crying in front of others....think maybe I will forget about crying in session. If I want to feel like I am crying alone, I will cry alone, in private, at home, in the dark! Or here, virtually..... ***
I often feel moved and get teary, yes, but to really let the flood come forth....no. Just feels like losing control and this is frightening; but then I keep wanting to keep control, and this is holding me back in therapy and otherwise anyway, I do know it.
Gosh, I wish T would at least hold my hand or put a hand on my shoulder if I did cry....it would make it so much easier for me. But I know she won't....her boundary on this is unshakably firm, and so it is.....

[Sweetlove]

I used to just cry and let the tears roll down my face or wipe them with my hands. Once when it was really bad he said "do you ever use kleenex when you cry"...I quickly said no to be sarcastic.

A couple of weeks ago, I was the worst I've ever been, crying hard with my head down and he slowly got up and handed me the kleenex box without saying anything. This was big since he never moves from his chair and doesn't do touchy-feely stuff. Ever since then I've felt so much more comfortable crying in front of him.

[peridot28]

My T has cried with me and it's comforting to have her to connect with me in that way. I was severely abused and my T says I have a lot to cry about and be angry about. I usually am too embarrassed to cry and try to stifle it with all my might, but T tells me I'm trying way too hard not to cry. She'll say something like, "It's okay, hun, to cry with me. You're safe here with me. I'm so, so sorry this happened to you." She's really comforting and loving when I cry. She stays in her chair and let's me cry. If I needed her to sit next to me and be with me if it was just too much for me she would definitely do that for me.

As far as the Kleenex, she usually tosses me the box. Her chair is pretty close to the loveseat that I sit on, but for some reason the Kleenex is usually closer to her than to me. She ALWAYS hugs me like a momma bear before and after my sessions. She has no problem with touch, at least with me she doesn't. I feel sad for you guys who desire a hug or any touch from your T's, but your T is against it. I'm very huggy, even with strangers in the grocery store, and couldn't imagine not having that connection with my T. I didn't hug her the first session, because I didn't know what her rules were. But, at my 2nd session I asked if she gives hugs and she said she most certainly did. She knows of my desire to be held and I think she may pounce on me one day in the middle of one of my crying sessions and hold me tight like I desire. I see the look in her eye. LOL!

[Perna]

When I give up and cry, I still keep talking, LOL. My husband actually started laughing in delight the first time I did that because he was use to his ex-wife who couldn't do anything but cry hard, couldn't make sense or explain what was going on, so he never knew what to do because she wouldn't get out enough of the problem so he could help!

I have gotten so I don't mind crying that much as I keep going and explaining and the tears just add/explain how tough and important what I'm talking about is.

[sunrise]

My T encourages me to let myself cry because I will often try to hold it back (still, after all this time). He can see me struggle to hold it in. It actually is a big release if I stop that struggle. Letting out a little sob can really feel good. But usually crying for me means tears leaking out of my eyes and running down my cheeks. I am not a noisy cryer or a sobber--more of a subtle cryer. But I do struggle with trying to maintain control and being embarrassed about crying. If I am crying more than just the tears leaking type, I might cover my face with my hand to get some privacy. Sometimes I get frustrated or impatient (not again!!) with myself for crying. The biggest problem with crying, actually, is me, not my T. He is great and sits there across from me and encourages me and sometimes will make little soothing noises. There is always kleenex within arms reach. My T does not touch me when I am crying, but I feel very held. Sometimes he has said, when I am recounting something especially painful and crying, "I am sitting right here, giving you a hug," and he makes a hugging motion with his arms (giving himself a brief hug). It's very touching.

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

My take on the offering of tissues is that it is enabling us. We know where the tissues are (most of the time) and if we need one we can get it ourselves. Otherwise T's are treating us like a small child that can't do that for themselves. Does that help?

If my T did offer me kleenex by hand, I would not find it not therapeutic. Some people have such a hard time crying in therapy, that I think if the T can enable that by offering a tissue, then great! My T does enable my crying by creating a safe environment for that and being a safe person to cry around. IMO, T's should enable us to express our emotions. My T helps enable my crying by having a box of kleenex nearby. I don't see that this is less enabling than him handing me one. It is interesting to me that people talk about enabling as if it is a bad thing. That is part of the T's job in many ways. A good T should be good at enabling, IMO. If they are not, we would just sit there and say nothing, too scared or intimidated to talk.

[Can't Stop Crying]

It took a long time for me to let my guard down and cry in front of T. Now it's almost like once it started, it doesn't stop. Sometimes I start crying on the drive there. I usually bury my head because the most uncomfortable part is knowing that he is watching. He usually just waits (if I'm outright sobbing) otherwise he continues the session like it is nothing unusual to have someone bawling their eyes out on his couch

[Suratji]

I haven't done any all-out bawling but close to it while discussing some tough issues. I wouldn't want my T to touch me or hug or anything. What she does is provide me with a silence that feels protective and comforting. It's like she's there for me and words or touch are not necessary. It feels good and it feels right. To me, THAT is a hug.

[googley]

Ts are not supposed to hand clients tissues because it could be interpreted (by some but not necessarily all, and your T doesn't know exactly how you would interpret it especially when you are upset) as telling the client to stop crying or to pull it together. Because some clients could interpret it that way, Ts are supposed to be careful and not do that.

My T asks what is wrong (I've only cried twice uncontrollably in t and it started at the beginning of session so she didn't know what was going on.) She has told me that she is there with me.

The few times I have cried while we have talked, we just went on talking. It was kind of like she was ignoring it, but at the same time it made me not feel self conscious.

[WePow]

I cry a lot - esp my very young alters who carry a lot of the pain. I end up being sorta messy and not even think of using tissues because it is my alter mind that is not old enough to think about using a tissue. So it is usually my shirt that gets messed up. Sometimes T will throw me a box of tissue.

[Elli-Beth]

I almost never cry, so when I start he goes with whatever the trigger we were talking about was and stays with it for days. It's kind of annoying but it helps in the end