help me figure this out

Being on a chat board instead of in person can be so hard sometimes.
We can't look into the eyes of those we are sharing with and see when they are in tears. And we can't see when another person is trying the best they know how to hold out a hand to us.

That thread just shows me the extremely confusing messages zoo has been getting from her therapist. Very confusing. I would be SO confused too.

zooropa - I'm so sorry you having such a hard time right now and struggling with this.

(((zooropa)))) I'm sorry to hear that not only is therapy with this T ending, but that it isn't bringing any closure for you. Changing Ts is always difficult to begin with...that you feel invalidated only adds to that angst.

Now let me state up front that I am not a fan of DBT at all. Maybe good ole' CBT is what will work better for you, and since this T doesn't engage in that method, it is time to find one better suited for you?

There are resources on PC for how to interview a therapist...and I would suggest that by using one of those you will find a T better suited to how you learn, with the disorder you may have.

Last, let me remind you that this may very well be HER issue and not yours! Don't take all the blame, don't take all this quite so personally if you can shield yourself some from it...SHE may be having issues she can't handle or, like any good therapist when they hit a wall and is no longer helping a patient/client, refers to someone that might be able to further help. Plus, when a patient/client states they are ending therapy or looking for a new therapist, it is almost unethical for the T to try and convince the patient to stay. So if you truly don't want to leave this therapist, try once again with a talk, and state that you were mistaken and aren't looking for a new T and really want to work with her and how or what is the best thing you can do right now to continue to heal.... etc.

Good wishes. You'll get through this, and will be stronger I hope...

geeeez. I went back and read the first half of that thread again. I can't believe it has been 2 months of basically trying to connect and failing. There have been moments of true connection in that time, and I guess that's what kept me going back, but wow. A lot of misses, too.

What strikes me, besides the raw emotional pain I expressed, is just how much my Ts words, her "rules", have changed in those 2 months. I guess what she started that day has taken time to evolve and ripen, and what at first was, I think, a request to call for reassurance less often has turned into telling me to call for coaching only, and then a pattern of not returning or delaying returning those phone calls requesting coaching.

It looks like T is just stretched impossibly thin right now and can't seem to figure out how to remedy that. She is asking me to back off, and I am doing it, and she just keeps asking more. Meanwhile, I've gone through this huge medical problem and am still going through it, which hasn't helped with my emotional vulnerability nor my ability to learn to cope without T.

The last week or so I have been feeling better and I am much more able to find what I need within myself rather than looking for T to "help" me. I truly doubt that this T can actually help me anymore, I think what byz said way back in April has shown itself to be true: the connection is irreparably broken. It just is. It's not Ts fault and it's not my fault, and it doesn't matter if it WAS someone's fault. It's broken and blaming or analyzing isn't going to help with that.

Thank you for helping me figure that out, PC. I'd like to ask that this thread be closed now.