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#1
Jun 21, 2011, 01:10 PM
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So many things I would say in therapy if I could.
But I can't. I tend to blame others for not understanding. But in therapy I can be understood... This is one thing I am realizing. And it's not that nice. My T gives me negative feedback... about all kinds of things. But never for telling the truth. That makes her quiet, curious.... Why are we always stuck then? There is so much obfuscation from me. I am curious if others deal with this too? You know, this passive aggressive stuff from me, in session, just lying, making nice? Or giving sort of wrong answers in a way that clearly pisses her off? Is it a personality clash? Is it me? The reason I stick with my T is we both see that none of it gets close to the truth. Which is such ugliness.... I dunno. This is what I've decided. The truth is a beautiful thing but it's not pure. And the other parts are what we struggle so hard to hide. The non-beautiful, non-pure parts. Yeah. Has anyone ever been here????? |
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#2
Jun 21, 2011, 01:58 PM
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Do you not trust your T yet? If you have this wall up because you afraid to get down and dirty with the truth isn't it just a waste of time and money? Are you getting anything out of going to therapy? You stay with her because she doesn't make you face the truth. You are confrontable with the lies, which is kind of understanding because if your confortable then why change it but if you don't change it then how is this proving yourself. If she is giving you negative feedback that is not good because how are you going to change yourself if all you hear is the negative. Why change if you all your going to get is negative feedback. The other question is are you really getting negative feedback or are you only hearing the negative things that come out of her mouth? If this sounds mean or rood in anyway, I'm sorry. I mean this in the nicest way possible. I'm just curious and kind of confused. Hope I didn't hurt your feeling or make you angry that was not my intentions.
__________________
"To err is human, to forgive is devine." by Alexander Pope |
| lastyearisblank
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#3
Jun 21, 2011, 02:20 PM
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truth is a multi-faceted thing, and not every aspect is beautiful and glorious. sometimes the truest things are the hardest ones to say, because they cut very deeply and expose the dark corners of our souls.....
despair and depression have a way of making it so, at least for me, I don't care about the ugly parts of the truth about me being shown.... |
| lastyearisblank
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#4
Jun 21, 2011, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Jun 21, 2011, 03:22 PM
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Hey lastyearisblank,
it sounds like you have a fear of opening up, maybe of being vulnerable or of what others will think. It is your defensiveness that tells the lies to your T or who dodges the truth. It's your way of thinking you are protecting yourself and so many people do it. Can I ask what made you attend therapy in the first place? I am just wondering if it was your decison or if someone else pushed you into it? Because if you attended of your own free will its because you believed talking to someone would help...but something happened when you went to the sessions that your defensives went up and it's stopping you getting what you want. Often a client will be defensive if they did not want to attend therapy and were pushed into it. Have you been able to talk to your therapist about your fears of being open with her? *huge hugs*  Diz xxx |
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#6
Jun 22, 2011, 12:04 PM
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Thanks all, some great things to think about. I'm wondering if it's partly a physical reaction. I don't know how to describe it because I really like my therapist and think fondly of her outside of session. I like her! But then when I go into session I often feel like she's a hawk and I'm prey. My guts are just churning because I don't know what she's going to say... you know, if it's going to hurt my feelings...
And it's like all this adrenaline gets going and I find myself talking faster and more sharply and sort of joking around and I think she considers that sarcastic so it just becomes a whole thing. I guess we'll work on slowing it down. |
| ECHOES
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#7
Jun 22, 2011, 09:54 PM
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 ). Lots of stuff to think about....
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#8
Jun 22, 2011, 10:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#9
Jun 22, 2011, 10:17 PM
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#10
Jun 22, 2011, 10:32 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| lastyearisblank
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#11
Jun 22, 2011, 10:34 PM
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Hi lyib... I'm pretty sure it's your decision to go to therapy, right? And I think you're being really strong to stick with it... and it's really important to get help. I'm really admiring what you wrote in your op... you're being so honest and self aware about when you're honest and when you aren't and why it's hard... it sounds like you're almost there to being able to talk about whatever you need to talk about. Working on slowing it down sounded like a good idea. Maybe telling her/showing her stuff you wrote here if you think it would help. I'm glad you have a t you like. It sounds like she cares about you. Hope I'm making sense and good luck
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#12
Jun 23, 2011, 02:03 PM
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Thank you! Wow, strong! Thanks for the encouragement guys.
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#13
Jun 23, 2011, 02:28 PM
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#14
Jun 23, 2011, 08:59 PM
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To be continued...
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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