[jazzy123456]

"When therapists create a ... 'Plan'..."

One time I opened up to my T and told her that I denied seeing her at times because I didn't want to ever feel attached. She replied, kind of in a shocked way and convinced: I don't think you are too attached at all. Your doing well to me.

Well, what if T's well and my well is different? IDK .. maybe its not.

but, for the past 3 or so months..I've been forcing myself to see T less,
so much so, that she thought we should create a plan where I see her a certain amount of times a month, so I wouldn't worry about when to make an appointment...

anywho, i've gone a month without seeing her many times before, or two or three weeks or one week...

Well, ever since we decided this new "rule" of sorts, I feel troubled, and I also feel troubled that I am attached although my T doesn't think I am. I think the attachment lessened but, came back as life got increasingly hard and I began to distant myself from people I use too be close too.

I think if my personal life was better, I wouldn't feel this need as strongly, because this use to not effect me as much as it does right now.
in this current moment..

However, I'm sick of denying what I want all the time. done it for 3 months. And right now, I wish money grew on trees cus' I miss T and need someone to talk too and don't want to wait until 3 and a half weeks to talk again...The plan was to meet with her for 90 minutes once a month.

I suppose I could tell her through an email, in brief, that I'd like to see her but, then I'd be breaking the rule/plan we just came up with. and I'd be abusing my student loan money, as I have to take 25 dollars out of it a month in order to afford it. Then, I combine work from my job to complete the payment. I don't like it.. I just want to see T and talk and talk. Really though, I wish I was a happy enough person to NOT need T at all. Thats always in the back of my head, you've been with T a year and a half Jazz, thats far too long, get better already! I tell myself. My dad stopped paying for it last year, so that didn't help my confidence at all either. blahhg. I swear, the first day I walked in therapy I thought I'd be in there for a couple of months, maybe 3 or 4? Has this happened to anyone else? Thinking they would heal a lot faster than they have? I had no idea I had so much personal stuff to work through...

[PTSDlovemycats]

I didn't think I'd still be in therapy 10yrs later. That's for sure. I do think that you need to talk to your T though. I couldn't imagine going that long without seeing my T. I go twice a week...

[lastyearisblank]

I started seeing a therapist in college. He was especially good because they know a lot about students. Would you be all right with seeing the home T less frequently and a college one when needed?

[Perna]

I don't quite know why you are in therapy if you don't want to go? I don't think you can get what you want from it unless you go there and participate. Being attached is a human condition; we're social animals. One becomes attached to one's mate, children, friends, etc. If you are working together with your T, you and your T will be "attached" to one another. Yes, it will hurt when you move one and don't work with her anymore but that's life (remember how sad you were at the end of each grade in grade school, you would be started anew next year with a different teacher/students in the class). It's not a whole lot different from changing jobs, moving house, etc.; we get attached, otherwise we're free-floating in outer space?

[geez]

(((Jazzy))) I've been seeing my T now for 3 1/2 years. I thought I would be done by now too (I thought maybe 3-4months tops !!! During that time I've stopped and started therapy a couple of times. Once with a break of a couple of months and another time with a break of about 3 months. My insurance runs out soon and I have two young children. I feel like I'm strong enough to carry on and do some of this work by myself and with the help of a few on PC :-) I will miss my T like mad and she said she is always available if I need to see her at a later date (after I stop going). Hope you find some peace of mind in all this Jazzy. I too will never be 'done' I feel as there is always something to work on (much like taking care of a house :-)

[jexa]

Paying for therapy with your student loan money is not abuse of those funds. It is an important medical bill and can be justified as a treatment for a real medical condition! It is a part of your cost of living.

[itsmeshorti]

I have been in therapy for 3 months now and feel like I should be done by now. But truth is I do have alot to work on. T is my support system right now until I can build my own, which is a slow process, you cannot build relationships overnite or even in a few months this takes time. Talking with my T about struggles, gives me a new way of looking at things, to enable me to make more friends.

Just 2 weeks ago I was feeling great, had friends a girlfriend. Who needs therapy, well things fell apart with that, and now I still need that support, it shows I am not healed yet. Not enough to do it on my own.

I suggest you tell T all of this maybe even copy your post and email it to her.

As far as money goes I see therapy as an investment in my well being. That is priceless. I look at how I was 3 months ago and where I am now, I tell you what if I need therapy for the rest of my life (hopefully not), just to keep on track I would get a second job to pay for it.

Best of luck to you!

[laceylu]

Originally Posted by jexa

Paying for therapy with your student loan money is not abuse of those funds. It is an important medical bill and can be justified as a treatment for a real medical condition! It is a part of your cost of living.

when in college that is exactly what I did, i used my loans to help pay for therapy. I had too, I was really sick.

[jazzy123456]

Thanks ppl.

Jexa/LaceyLu---just want to be sure I didn't offend anyone with the "student loan" comment... just hard for me to even spend that money in general, for whats its supposed to be used for, school...I have a hard time using it to buy school supplies, just cus I just hate the idea of debt, so from a personal standpoint, its just something thats a little bit harder for me to do.. use that money, not to say or imply that others can't do that.! cus, u very well can.!

Plus, when my dad stopped paying that communicated to me that my personal issues are not important enough for an investment..at least not to him and although I try hard not to let that effect me, it certainly does sometimes...

As for all the feedback, thanks agn,

PTSDLovemy cats... a month really does FEEL like forever sometimes and haven't decided if I want to give this to my T,?

LastyearisBlank... I went to a school counselor for 3 sessions and then quit. Don't know whats next for me in that? Don't even know why I just didn't "click" with that counselor and I could have switched to a new one but, I didn't know what to say or who to go to for that...

Perna, although I hear you and I'm listening... for me, therapy is A LOT different than changing a job or school... I never felt the need to write numerous entries about the job I was leaving or the school I was changing... if therapy wasn't such a unique experience I would have never joined PC... going to therapy and sharing the most intimate, personal concerns, have left me with the most intimate, personal issues with the thought of leaving or ever leaving. just scares me to be attached to something, even when I know that is part of the process, at least a little bit.

itsmeshorti-- wow.. think you summed up something I was unaware of...

"Who needs therapy, well things fell apart with that, and now I still need that support, it shows I am not healed yet. Not enough to do it on my own. "

Just the sentence you said... "I am not healed yet."
I just need to think on that... maybe I have a lot more left than I thought...

GEEZ I think itsmeshorti made the point you we're trying to make... you are stronger now, I'm happy that you are, very proud of that! But, just like you, I feel we will always feel we have something to work on and grow in..cus' thats part of living... I guess its a matter of deciding what needs EXTRA tuning and attention (a.k.a. Therapy) and what can be dealt with, by forging your own path, goals, and healing in life.