 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Mar 21, 2009, 04:53 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
This will probably be all over the place with random bits of info. It's really late/early and I'm stressed so forgiveness is asked for any confusion or headache!
My T is on vacation, returning either Saturday or Sunday, I'm not sure. I also won't be able to have a session with her until early April because our schedules clash that much. But I know we will have contact once she returns. We (I'm multiple) usually have a lot of contact - email, phone calls, and texting when needed. Where she's at though, she has no cell phone service, so we've been flying solo for only a couple of days. We have a second T who we are close to as well, though no nearly as attached as we are to the one that is on vacation. Being apart from our T is very stressful. Mostly because we have horrible abandonment fears and the realization that we only technically have 2 sessions left with her because of University policy. We're unsure of how it will all work once we have to be terminated. She wants to continue seeing us as much as we want to continue to see her. Anyway... Today I had this wonderful dream about her. It was very loving and caring. It also had her husband and son in the dream. It was like they had taken me in as part of the family, protecting me from my biological mother and all of her harm. I woke up and for a moment I felt great - it was truly a great dream. I felt safe and loved. Then I got upset. Upset that I am so attached. Upset that deep down I really want to be a big part of her life but realize that's not possible. It also triggered me because that's a core issue of mine. I'm seeking a family, a parent, specifically a mother. And my other T (not Uni) has made it clear that that will never happen. That I pretty much have to deal with this void. After that dream, I think I realized that I can't do that. It's something so core to me, so tied to me, so desperately needed, that it's not something I think can be fixed in therapy. So now I just want to quit. I want to run because I can't deal with the pain of attachment. But at the same time all I want to do is cling tightly to her and say please just don't let me go. Her gone and this dream has just triggered the hell out of me and made me realize how badly I just want her. How badly I just want to know that if I reach for her she'll be there. And I think it's slapped me in the face that it's not the case. |
|
#2
Mar 21, 2009, 07:18 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Stormy,
 .
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
|
#3
Mar 21, 2009, 10:04 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
((((( HUGS )))))
 
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
|
|
#4
Mar 21, 2009, 11:38 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I kinda know about the mom thing.
|
|
#5
Mar 21, 2009, 09:37 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Thanks for the many hugs.
I talked to T today. I was losing it. But I still couldn't really let it show just how badly I was losing it. It's just exhausting.  I told her... I just want to be kept. Ugh it hurts so bad. |
|
#6
Mar 21, 2009, 10:49 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I know exactly what you are going through. I've carried a void in my heart for many years... the longing for a mother's love. I used to watch movies that portrayed a mother/daughter dynamic because it was the only way I could relate and fill my void. Now, my mother is very much alive. However, she didn't raise me and therefore I'm not emotionally attached or connected. I was raised by my stepdad. This has caused me to guard my heart and build a wall around me. I'm currently working on changing this in therapy. On the other hand, I think of my T in very much the same way( motherly), and she gave me one piece of meaningful advice... there's nothing wrong in pretending
 Likewise, this may help you.... When your T is away, ask if you can borrow something in her office that will comfort you while she is gone. This has helped me so far. Hang in there and know that you are not alone in how you feel.
|
|
#7
Jul 04, 2011, 12:36 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((STORMANGLES)))
You have a desire to have a mother figure. Are you close to any older ladies that generally care about you? Could you ask them if its okay, if you picture them as your mother? Like in high school, I have a mother but she wonderful but she doesn't fill the whole I have in my heart all the time. I had a couple teachers that truely care about me. I have graduated and they still talked to me and hangout with me. I see them as my mother. I guess I was just wondering if that would work for you? I know everybody doesn't find what I got. I just got lucky, I guess. I know you want her to be that figure and you say you know she can't but have you asked her? I know counselors aren't supost to but some people will do that for some people but at least if you ask her. Maybe she could help you with that feeling. I don't know, if this even make sence to you. If it doesn't im sorry for wasting your time. Take care and best of luck.
__________________
"To err is human, to forgive is devine." by Alexander Pope |
|
#8
Jul 04, 2011, 01:05 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I hear you on this. It's where I am right now and I feel your pain. It's quite unbearable. I am in the same dilemma of wanting to quit and wanting to hold onto T for my life. I dont know whether to keep seeing T and hurting a bit more every time I see him or to run away from the pain- my mind changes on a daily basis- can I really live through this much pain? I'm sorry you are hurting...know that you are not alone
__________________
Take a good look at my face You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears.. I need you, need you- Smokey Robinson |
|
#9
Jul 04, 2011, 01:06 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
stormy, at first I was so confused by this thread!! Then I saw that it was from 2009!!! It made me feel hopeful to read that you had the same attachment problem and need for your T as many of us do, and now you're a T!
xeneon, I'm glad you have had teachers who serve as mother figures for you. You gave stormy some good advice. It's interesting that you found this old thread (how did you find it? Did you search the site for threads on attachment? I'm curious) just when a few threads are discussing this very issue.
|
|
#10
Jul 04, 2011, 01:09 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
The thread WAS from 2009, wasn't it?
 But it's VERY relevant, isn't it Chronic? I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain. Sometimes I feel it more than other times, but I definitely know that unbearable feeling.
|
|
#11
Jul 04, 2011, 01:23 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Oh, my bad-I didn't look at the dates! I was a bit confused too.. Yes very relevant, Rainbow, and also gives me hope that things might one day get better. Maybe. Thanks for the hugs
__________________
Take a good look at my face You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears.. I need you, need you- Smokey Robinson |
|
#12
Jul 04, 2011, 02:20 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I was confused too about the dates.....I wonder how someone found this thread from that far back.....anyway, the issue raised is still relevant even if the o.p's situation was probably resolved a long time ago!
|
|
#13
Jul 04, 2011, 04:39 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Wow blast from the past. I wonder why it was brought out from so long ago.
Yes - even as a T I have my own issues. As many can read in my public profile I have DID, PTSD, Anxiety, and depression. I am currently working through a long history of CSA, SRA, etc. Being a T doesn't/didn't just make my problems disappear. I continue my own therapy 2x a week and struggle with not having a supportive mother. I struggle with abandonment fears that feel bigger than me at times. But, through working on things it does get better. Though, sometimes the rug still gets yanked from under me. I've had fears for quite a while about everyone knowing on the board that I am a therapist. And that, if I too were to continue to share how intense or bad things may get with myself and my T, that it would be triggering to others. But, maybe it would continue to show that T's have their own stuff too, but it can be managable. |
 Hope-Full, learning1, PTSDlovemycats, rainbow_rose, skysblue, WePow
|
|
#14
Jul 04, 2011, 04:49 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
In terms of wanting to quit therapy, been there. Very currently. The want gets so big and the goal feels unreachable at times. Sometimes I wonder, what's the point? Some sessions are worse than others. But, there is healing. It takes a while. I've been in therapy about 5 years, though I've bounced through several due to their stuff, not mine (retire, policy, pregnancy, etc). It gets better.
In terms of finding other mother figures, it's a work in progress. I very much still wish my therapist(s) could be my mom. They accept me for me. They love me unconditionally. They have seen the worst parts and continue to give my skills to fly out on my own, which is exactly what a mother should do. They are giving me the tools to fly the nest, and succeed. I find 'mothers' in my friends, my colleagues, my therapists, etc. They each give me tiny pieces of what I never had and slowly the void gets filled. But I have to really force myself to focus on what I'm GAINING instead of what I'm MISSING. Which is an everyday battle right now. I have to willing to accept what is given. Anyway, I'm glad this may be helpful to others on the board. It was just a bit weird to see it brought forward after over 2 years!! Many hugs. |
| Hope-Full, learning1, PTSDlovemycats, rainbow8, rainbow_rose, skysblue, WePow, Xeneon
|
|
#15
Jul 04, 2011, 06:33 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((((Stormy)))) I bet your clients are beyond blessed to have you as a T. I know that my own T is a recovered sex addict with PTSD. And I wouldn't change a single thing about him. He is the kindest and bravest man I have ever met.
I think it is WONDERFUL that you work so so so hard on who you are so you can go on helping others every day. I think it would be very hard to be a T when you have PTSD because so many things can trigger that. I have seen my Ts eyes change when I am telling him about my past. But he stays with me. I am sure you do the same thing. He amazes me, like I am sure you amaze your clients. For me, it heals me to know that the man I am telling these things to KNOWS what I am talking about. I hate it that he knows. But I couldn't heal without what he brings to the relationship through his past and who he is. The very fact that he fights day in and day out to continue to be the best he can be as a human for all of his clients and for his wife and kids tells - no SHOWS - me that maybe I can one day heal to that same level. He makes it. And because of that, I believe that I can make it as well. YOU give that to your clients. Thank you so much for who you are! |
| crazycanbegood, Hope-Full
|
|
#16
Jul 04, 2011, 07:32 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
 (LOL) Well this is going to sound stupid and werid. I'll make this short. For some reason this thread popped out to me. I went to her page to get to know stormy more but I ended up finding this thread. Step by step I went statistic and clicked on thread by stormy. I read 2 threads and this was my last one. It made me think all day but of course I didn't see the date. lol
__________________
"To err is human, to forgive is devine." by Alexander Pope |
| rainbow8
|
|
#17
Jul 04, 2011, 11:55 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
 . . . . Psst! I stalked her too when I realized she was a T... |
|
#18
Jul 05, 2011, 12:11 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
My page doesn't have much.
 Feel free to 'get to know me' by sending a PM. |
|
#19
Jul 05, 2011, 01:30 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I did however, enjoy this one very much though and am glad you dug it up! 
|
| Xeneon
|
|
#20
Jul 05, 2011, 08:39 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
"To err is human, to forgive is devine." by Alexander Pope |
|
#21
Jul 05, 2011, 08:41 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
"To err is human, to forgive is devine." by Alexander Pope |
|
#22
Jul 08, 2011, 07:47 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I think it's great that Stormy can share her issues. I don't think I would trust a T if they were 'perfect'. I don't know about my T but I hope she also sees a therapist or has in the past. I would say that a T who has not experienced the struggle would not be able to understand fully.
|
|
#23
Jul 08, 2011, 10:50 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I think that it is common for T's to see a T. I know for a fact that mine sees a T as well.
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
