Things we've learned in therapy

Lists make me happy, keep me sane and give me perspective.

I've made a list of things I've been able to change about my life and behavior since I began therapy. I'd like to share it with you and invite you to share your own!

I don't cut, hit, burn or infect myself anymore.
I don't puke in my yard or urinate in my closet.
I don't have contact with my abusive ex.
I don't let food go rancid in my bedroom, I take out my trash and do my dishes and my laundry.
My diet no longer consists of merely fast foods, I don't eat only at 3am, I don't eat rotten food.
I am building a home that helps me feel safe and proud.
I attend to responsibilities like paying bills, schoolwork, and job searching.
I make a daily effort to be honest and searching.

sound like a great list and a lot of hard work

Thank you. Yeah, it is hard work. I get scared that I can't keep it up. That one day I'll go back to living like that. So I make lists and they remind me why I became willing to change... and one day at a time it's been working. I know I still have a long way to go so I look forward to hearing other people's experiences too.

Gosh, you've been working hard! Awesome job!

My list:
*I can speak! This is big! The mutism now only pops up for a few minutes at a time, and I can usually get over it by reminding myself that I'm safe now.
*When I speak, I only stutter during upsetting moments. Most of the time I sound "normal"!
*I am safe now! One abuser lives very far away, and the other will soon!
*I can handle SO much stressful crap without falling apart!

Awesome job!! That's an incredible list, you should be so proud of yourself. Here's mine:
- I can't control what other people think of me (that's huge and I still get a little nauseous when I think about it)
- I don't self injure
- I have joined a small art group (yikes)
-I am beginning to be able to form words in T

these are wonderful lists to read

I love these all!!

This is a great thread. I appreciate all of your lists and want so badly to have my own.

All I really have is:

I am no longer in denial and accept each and every one of my diagnoses as my own.

That's a great list item, Defeated. Acceptance is huge and tough and it's hard to make progress without it!

i admit to people i have depression, not embarrassed anymore.
i don't cut as often.
i divorced H, that was hard.
i am living on my own, by myself, ex-H said i could never do it
i am sharing more in t, not so worried about what he is thinking constantly
i keep trying.
***possible trigger for next one****

my long term goal is to be able to do what WePow did and be strong enough to take suicide off the table or off my list of coping options

A couple things from my list of things I have learned.

1) It is OK to have feelings. It is OK to express them.
2) Having relationships is really important to me (no man is an island), and there are ways I might be able to improve at forming and maintaining them.

I have a short list since I have only had T seven times since May.
1) I have accepted my depression.
2) I have accepted my medication.
3) My perceptions are way off because I let my depression go for so
long.
4) I have accepted that I need therapy.

1) I no longer consider suicide an option (this is huge, huge, huge for me...it's been an option for 15 years)
2) I'm allowed to be myself, not who everyone expects me to be
3) I can handle my anxiety, and when I can't, it's okay to ask for help
4) It's okay to have and express feelings, even express them in front of others

Oh wow. These are great. I'm so proud of everyone.

But just a heads-up... I'm ... nervous about sharing mine. I was also just reading through allme's thread and some of the negative comments... and I'm scared to open up now. Please everyone, be gentle. I'm still new around here, and many of the items are very sensitive, close to my heart.

So here goes...

Some of these below items I've talked about with my T. Some I have worked on on my own, but I think the tools and advice and encouragement from my T helped me to make these items a reality. Some are items/struggles I have never mentioned to my T, and I feel ashamed about.

1. On July 24, I will be 9 months sober. From all drugs/alcohol. This is not the first sober stint I've tried but for the first time since I started using/drinking/etc when I was a young teen, I feel like drugs and alcohol don't hold power over me. I'm not trying to resist a temptation to indulge; it's as if the need to/struggle not to is gone. My ability to be sober also gives me confidence that I can make longterm changes to my life style and behaviors.
2. I haven't stolen anything in almost 2 years. After years of manic shoplifting sprees. Oh, and I haven't been in a psych ward for 2.5 years, and I haven't been in an emergency room for 20 months or so.
3. With T's helping, I'm learning that it's okay to take up a little space in the world. There is room for me.
4. I might get angry, frustrated, withholding, doubting, cynical, and lonely between sessions. I may lose faith in my T or the process, I may get overly dependent, I may get resentful. But each week, without fail, if I want to meet, T's door is open. He is here to help me. And he is consistently supportive, warm, encouraging, and he believes in my goodness, my character, and that I contribute positively every day to the world and to the people around me.
5. I've developing conflict resolution skills and learning how to stand up and advocate for myself. I'm learning I can disagree with someone without feeling like I'm betraying them or that they will stop liking me.
6. I'm learning to ask for what I need from others, especially in terms of emotional support and expectations.
7. I'm not as bad as I think I am. (I used to think I was very very bad, but now I'm starting to be more gentle with myself so I'm just kinda bad. I may also be kinda good, but I'm still working on that concept... It's so different from my past self-talk and self-regard.)
8. I need to keep an eye out for self-destructive behaviors and thought patterns, so I can lean on my support system, talk about it with T, and be kind to myself, so my darkness doesn't lead me down perilous paths.
9. I'm learning to cultivate strong, honest friendships with people I genuinely like and respect.
10. I'm learning to be vulnerable in the presence of another person. And that failure isn't something to be ashamed of, that trial and error is a part of the process, and our failures and successes, laughter and tears, are all part of the human condition. That a friend isn't going to run away because I'm having trouble and need advice. That doesn't make me a broken, unlovable person.
11. I'm holding true to my responsibilities and commitments: education, service, social. Or at least getting better at the follow-through.
12. When negative, dark thoughts come, I now can look at the darkness and say, "This isn't going to be forever. These feelings and doubts and despair will subside sometime. I can't let the darkness now persuade me to take self-destructive actions. I trust my T that I should live--and live happily as the actual me."
13. It is okay to ask for help. I am not a burden to my friends and family.. and to my T.
14. I have quirks. I'm odd. That's okay. It's part of what makes me... me. My mom once told me, when I worried I was going 'round the bend with all my craziness, that "it's good to be a little crazy." Thanks for loving me as me, Mom
15. There are people out in the world rooting for me. For ME! Which embarrasses the heck out of me, but... it's a happy little thought. Like a little candle to hold in the darkness. A reminder that I'm not alone.
16. I've accepted my T's argument that life is worth living. I'm not thinking about ways to punish myself, harm myself, or bring about dangerous situations for myself. I'm not pursuing sexual relationships with inappropriate people. I'm working to cultivate a healthy relationship with food, sleep, and exercise. I'm not experimenting with self-harm or "ways to dull the pain of existence," including things that might end my existence. I trying to say yes to life!
17. In other words, I've learned to protect myself from other people.. and from myself.
18. I'm trying (still struggling though) to forgive myself for my past mistakes, transgressions, and failures. And maybe to be proud of the good things I've done.
19. Maybe I can live in a world without my mom. Maybe I am strong enough, my mother's daughter, and she will continue to be a part of my life, though she is not longer of this world... Ah, I can't type about her without starting to cry, so let's leave Mom talk for another thread.

AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

20. If not for T and my progress and growth over the last few years, I would not be sharing all of this with everyone. Truly, I wouldn't have shared it with anyone! So T has helped me be a contributing member of PC. Yippee!!

I'm so grateful you were brave enough to share this! It's such an inspiration! You seem very strong and in touch with yourself. Thank you for sharing! I'm going to steal some of these and add them to my Goals list.

Really????

That means a lot, thank you.

What a long, strange trip it's been

I am alive.
I want to live.
I don't hurt myself anymore (well maybe when things are REALLY bad).
I try to engage people more.
I don't intentionally get wasted.
I don't use weed anymore.
I smile now. Oftentimes I catch myself smiling and wonder how the smile got there.
I believe there is some beauty in me. Just a little.
I believe I can be lovable if I allow myself to be.
I am nicer (still long ways to go).
I have accepted that I need medication. (But I still very much hate taking it!)
I have more control over my panic attacks in that I can sometimes squash the panic when I feel it coming.
I have been able to set up a wall between myself and my family so that their behavior and words have a little less effect on me than before. The wall does need to be fortified though.
I feel less angry overall but the rage is still ever present.
I have set boundaries with my mother.
While I still hate my father, I have some compassion for him now.
I trust more now.
I have some hope that I could be happy one day.
I have accepted my sexuality.
I feel that I can love.
I want to raise children, and I feel that I could be a good mother to them if I continue to improve.
I am more open with people, which has allowed me to make more friends than I would have in the past.
I feel capable of more self-improvement, if I could only find the strength, courage, and motivation to work harder.