((((Rose76)))) I totally get it. Hope you're feeling brighter soon.

I've been feeling considerably better of late, and I've had a decent day. Rode my horse, spent some time with friends, and had tea at mums. I had some luck at the supermarket, where I checked the clearance rail in clothing section... I found a lovely longsleeved dress for £7, and when I got to the checkout it was £4!! Bargain! And so now I have something to wear on Friday night that I'll feel comfortable in. I call this a win.

I see my doctor in the morning, so hopefully I can get a refill on my meds - which finally seem to be working

I hope this good mood continues.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Today, he told me I should look at women who get a lot done and try to be more like them. Then he left to go home to his place. I've been close to despair since...I feel lonely. I feel rejected. I feel I've been a fool.

Since I don't know your SO at all, and I feel like I "know" you, I cannot help but say your SO sounds like a selfish jerk. Not for being sick, but for the cavalier attitude that makes SO believe you'll always be around to pick up the pieces regardless of what it costs you mentally and spiritually.

I wouldn't say you've been a fool, but I would say that perhaps it might be better FOR YOU if the SO were less Significant to you. The SO may never change one bit about him/herself, but YOU can do things that make you feel empowered and strong, not lonely and rejected.

I'm not lecturing, just feeling pained for you.

I am scared and worried for a friend. I feel helpless in that worry. I feel others hurt too acutely.

[kaliope]

was very anxious today. think it may be that my trip to my daughters is coming up so quickly now. then T called and left message about my voicemail i left crying this weekend about feeling trapped in the middle of he and pdoc. he was checking on me and wanted to give me some advice on how to think about the "pickle" i was in. told me to think about what i wanted if i could decide how i wanted my treatment without opinion of either of them what would i want? i believe he was telling me that i dont have to decide between the two of them. so maybe i can have both. or maybe by telling him i like the active approach pdoc takes, that he will take a more active stance himself. i am now looking more forward to thursday to get this straightened out.

hugs to all

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Today, he told me I should look at women who get a lot done and try to be more like them. Then he left to go home to his place. I've been close to despair since.

He did thank me for my help.

I feel lonely. I feel rejected. I feel I've been a fool.

Why did he say that? Pretty insensitive...

Thought about my pets who have passed on, got sad about what they went through on their last few days. Must focus on the good part of their lives..sigh...

I have had my grandchildren (5 & 2) since yesterday afternoon. Daughter-in-law is in the hospital with pre-term labor. She is not due until Nov. 1st.

Boy, has it been a long time since I had a 2 year old over night! He is into everything. I am a bit worn out this morning, but that's okay. I do love them and I know that my son needs me right now. I am thankful they found someone to keep him so that I did not have to take off from work.

Sure hope my daughter-in-law comes home this afternoon. I don't want the baby coming too soon. She needs to wait at least two more weeks.

[PleaseHelp]

Started physical therapy - nothing really exciting. She didn't even seem to know where to begin. Oh well. I don't know how to describe what was going on with me last night. I have no name for the feelings or what was going through my head. It was very difficult for me not to push my fiance away when he was wanting to be there for me, even though he was completely at a loss as to what to do. It frustrates me that I can't figure out the feelings (put a name to them), know where they are coming from. How am I suppose to deal with them if I don't know what they are or where they're coming from? So frustrated. I was just glad that my fiance didn't have any homework (he's going back to college) last night b/c he just spent the whole evening with me trying to reassure me and holding me. I woke up feeling the same way - ugh.

[PleaseHelp]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I was doing good earlier. Now, I am angry. My 6 year old is having issues at school, not because of behavior or refusal to do his work, but because he is processing things slower. His grades are great, he just takes longer to get things done, and is being required to miss recess time because of it. It is getting bad enough that he is kicking and screaming because he doesn't want to go to school. I don't want him to think he is bad, or being punished for processing things slower. It's not like a behavior issues. It's something that we can't really change and I don't know what to do to help him

Could you talk to the school about it? That doesn't seem right to be pulling a 6 yr old from recess. I have a slower time processing things and its so frustrating. Maybe they can figure out a way to give him a bit more time to work on things w/o taking his recess away. Wishing you luck.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by kaliope

was very anxious today. think it may be that my trip to my daughters is coming up so quickly now. then T called and left message about my voicemail i left crying this weekend about feeling trapped in the middle of he and pdoc. he was checking on me and wanted to give me some advice on how to think about the "pickle" i was in. told me to think about what i wanted if i could decide how i wanted my treatment without opinion of either of them what would i want? i believe he was telling me that i dont have to decide between the two of them. so maybe i can have both. or maybe by telling him i like the active approach pdoc takes, that he will take a more active stance himself. i am now looking more forward to thursday to get this straightened out.

hugs to all

Hi Kaliope--not sure if this will help but one of the things I learned from my mother's death was that things don't always have to be all or nothing. Sometimes, like your T said, a compromise middle of the road kind of thing could be ok too.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by PleaseHelp

Started physical therapy - nothing really exciting. She didn't even seem to know where to begin. Oh well. I don't know how to describe what was going on with me last night. I have no name for the feelings or what was going through my head. It was very difficult for me not to push my fiance away when he was wanting to be there for me, even though he was completely at a loss as to what to do. It frustrates me that I can't figure out the feelings (put a name to them), know where they are coming from. How am I suppose to deal with them if I don't know what they are or where they're coming from? So frustrated. I was just glad that my fiance didn't have any homework (he's going back to college) last night b/c he just spent the whole evening with me trying to reassure me and holding me. I woke up feeling the same way - ugh.

You are so lucky to have such a wonderful fiance As for trying to figure out your feelings, I found it helped to dig deep into my past, and within myself. Take care--

[TerryL]

Am still feeling bad about my pets. Must push that away. I can't bring them back. Must concentrate on here and now...

[OneRedRose]

finally slept last night, and feel soooo much better for it!, had abit of a stressful start this morning, but it was ok, its been a good week in some respects, I got ID'd for a lottery ticket the other day (you have to be 16 or over to buy em!) and then found out quite a few of my class mates at college thought I was 16! I am 24! and only 4 months away from 25 lol! so i am chuffed about that! when I was younger I used to always be mistaken for being 4 years younger so the fact that I am older and being mistaken for 8 years younger! by 4 different people in one week!, I am defiantly happy hehe

[cin1]

i am ok. trying to work on photos, i came across a post from someone who said" u r a
idiot... i am trying to forget it, but it won't leave my mind.

[kaliope]

tired today. been waking up earlier than normal and not able to get back to sleep. i know that is a category on the becks depression inventory which i have given to a few clients over the last couple weeks. i was so slow just a month and a half ago and now that i am going on vacation, something i never do, i have got so busy. and it hasnt slowed down. in august i had six new cases. sept it was 12. and there is no one who can cover me so i am sticking new clients in groups that we have here and hoping they dont bail before i get back. i wrote two letters to attorneys yesterday. im getting my supervised visitations covered, but for three weeks, there will be no new services opened for anything i do here. this really bothers me. i feel bad that people are going to have to wait till november to get help. on the otherhand, i never take any time off for myself and i deserve this trip to go see my daughter and be there for the birth of my grandchild. it is not my fault that i am the only one capable of providing the services where i work. i just have to get over it.

hugs to all. hope everybody is well.

[nicoleb2]

I'm doing ok today. I have calmed down about my son and his school stuff, so we are working on that.
My best friend is going through some tough stuff right now, mostly because a couple of people are being nasty to her, and I just want to go kick some butt.
I've never had this close of a friendship before, so it is really hard for me to see her hurting and not be able to fix it. I am there to listen and help as much as I can, but I want to make the hurt go away. I don't want to see her hurt!!

[kaliope]

OMG. I was just triggered so bad. I am watching old episodes of Criminal Minds. In it a serial killer is having a flashback to childhood, sitting in bed crying mommy, mommy dont get the belt, dont get the belt. In my case it took me right back to daddy. The chest pain was incredible. I couldnt breathe. The pain went right to my head. Major panic attack. I havent had a panic attack in so long. Sucks! Ive been doing so well.

[nicoleb2]

That show can be really bad. I'm sorry you are feeling so tough. I hope you get back to doing well!

This morning I feel sad. I hate feelings!

[PleaseHelp]

(((everyone)))

[tohelpafriend]

This is a great idea; hope it keeps going. I'm OK psychologically, but battling a medical issue and that makes me depressed, not knowing if I'll be cured, but have faith I will. There is a cold wind announcing Fall outside, so out I will walk with my beloved dog and face the wind. Praying for courage that there is something worth experiencing in life.

[PleaseHelp]

I went into work an hour late yesterday b/c I couldn't get myself calmed down enough to go in. I called and made a lame excuse for going to be late. I had a real difficult time concentrating and getting anything done at work. Glad I'm caught up for the week on files. Feeling the same way this morning. Just want to cry. I don't know if its anxiety or what it is. But I do know that it hasn't been this bad in quite sometime and I'm so not liking it. I also know that I've got to find a way to pull it together before this weekend b/c we have the girls. Normally, I find some way to pull it together when the girls are here (at least on the outside I look fine).

[delicatefade26]

Soo today has not been good at all...I woke up feeling sick to my stomach...and it was hurting yesterday too...I'm feeling just kinda down and tired...I took 3 Klonopin this morn which was not a good idea-I feel kinda drugged out-I'm just not used to taking them-esp. that amount....I just want to go home sooo bad-and I still might if I can pull it off...my T is amazing though...I'm dealing with some frustrating Pdoc stuff and he is helping me-he cares about me <3

[OneRedRose]

I done well today I ended up having 7 hours of maths today!! (long long story...aswell as long long day!) and maths normally cause me to freak the hell out, last year in maths I ended up screaming at the teacher to f off, flipping him off and walking out nearly got me chucked out, it was VERY lucky that my teachers knew that my anxiety can cause me bouts of rage when I get too agitated and Id gotten agitated because he didnt come over to me for ages so yes, I think all my teachers were sitting their waiting for the explosion, but I was fine, well I started getting agitated in the last hour but then again who wouldnt after 7 hours?? lol!!, so yes I am very proud that I didnt even really get anxious!

[FourRedheads]

((Kaliope)) I can't watch that show. Too scary. I'm sorry you were triggered.

[rainbow8]

The weather has been unseasonably warm so I went to the lake Tuesday after my session, and yesterday. I felt calm and peaceful there! But I hurt in yoga, just bending over hurts. I also think I have a broken toe and an injury to my wrist still hurts. Maybe it's broken too! I hate getting older. I bump into something and hurt myself and don't heal.

I got my allergy shots and a flu shot yesterday and my arm hurts from the flu shot!

I'm anxious because of going out-of-town next week. Typical!

I haven't emailed my T yet but I want to, just to tell her how good the session was. Feeling that need to connect with her. I have to remind her to return the library book. At least I think I do because it's due Monday and she may forget. Not an excuse. Or, I'll wait to email and she'll pay the fine, I guess, if it's late. I guess I'm a little upset that she didn't read it yet, and probably won't. Then why did she say she wanted it? I brought it in to show her and asked if she read it. (In Session).

I'm rambling here because I want to connect with her.