[SoupDragon]

People have posted some stuff about massage therapy on here and as I have a real issue with being touched by anyone, thought it may be good to challenge that and start to experience touch with someone who may appreciate my difficulties.

It was going to be a difficult weekend this weekend as for the first time ever my kids were going to stay at their dads and I knew that would be hard work for me emotionally. So I decided to book a session with a massage T today. I was fairly terrifed, but she was really calm and matter of fact and that made it easier for me.

It was tough, she kept telling me to remember to breathe! We were just chatting as she was doing the massage and a few issues popped into my head and we just started to talk about them, just like having a chat, it didn't feel heavy or threatening.

She managed to get me to talk about a trauma I had experienced in the past (see recent post of mine) and she was so calm and helped me to start to reframe it - all the while doing the massage thing and reminding me to breathe. I could really see how having touch in this way helped the process, she could immediately feel when I was getting more tense and then massaged which helped relax me. It makes such sense to be soothed when feeling wobbly. I think as it was massage and that was the expectation, ir felt less intimate and therefore less confusing than my T's offer to hold my hand.

I can't afford her alongside my T (well maybe could afford once a month) and just now I have been thinking, how much easier it felt with her (my T is a man).

So my dilemma is whether to stop the work with my long term T and go to see her instead.

I don't think there is anything my regular T is doing, or not doing, but I am begining to realise how utterly important his approval of me is and I think it is this that is acting as an obstacle. Maybe deep down I have strong feelings for him and I can't get past them to do the work. I am even scared of telling T that I saw a massage therapist - it didn't enter my head to tell him before I went, but now that I went and she taught me a different way of looking at stuff, I sort of feel guilty and disloyal.

I know how I would respond to this post - TALK TO T!!!! but as I am privvy to my feelings and the sessions I have with T, I know I can't do that - I think I am majorly scared that he will reject me. I also know in my rational head that this may be a real breakthrough and useful thing to work on with T.

I am not sure what I am looking for really - but maybe just wondered if people have had similar experiences and what they did.

Thanks Soup

[Hope-Full]

I definitely wouldn't stop the work with your regular T! As much as massage T helps (and it helps me tremendously, too) the work with our regular T is a lot more than what massage T can offer, unless of course, they are trained as a psychologist too!

I started off with my massage T just once a month, as it was all I could afford. Eventually I found ways to save a bit of extra $$ and now see my massage T every other week. She is invaluable to my work with my regular T, as sometimes she'll point something out I hadn't thought of, and it gives me a good thing to explore with regular T.

Oh, and way to go in stepping out of your comfort zone and getting a massage! I was so nervous the first time, but WOW! It is pretty great at aiding the stress relief!

(One more thing... check around for groupons or other deals for massages - make sure the place is reputable! - and make sure to let people know that you're seeing this specific massage T - when I first started going regularly, it was right around my birthday, and a few friends chipped in and bought me 2 massages with her!)

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

People have posted some stuff about massage therapy on here and as I have a real issue with being touched by anyone, thought it may be good to challenge that and start to experience touch with someone who may appreciate my difficulties.

It was going to be a difficult weekend this weekend as for the first time ever my kids were going to stay at their dads and I knew that would be hard work for me emotionally. So I decided to book a session with a massage T today. I was fairly terrifed, but she was really calm and matter of fact and that made it easier for me.

It was tough, she kept telling me to remember to breathe! We were just chatting as she was doing the massage and a few issues popped into my head and we just started to talk about them, just like having a chat, it didn't feel heavy or threatening.

She managed to get me to talk about a trauma I had experienced in the past (see recent post of mine) and she was so calm and helped me to start to reframe it - all the while doing the massage thing and reminding me to breathe. I could really see how having touch in this way helped the process, she could immediately feel when I was getting more tense and then massaged which helped relax me. It makes such sense to be soothed when feeling wobbly. I think as it was massage and that was the expectation, ir felt less intimate and therefore less confusing than my T's offer to hold my hand.

I can't afford her alongside my T (well maybe could afford once a month) and just now I have been thinking, how much easier it felt with her (my T is a man).

So my dilemma is whether to stop the work with my long term T and go to see her instead.

I don't think there is anything my regular T is doing, or not doing, but I am begining to realise how utterly important his approval of me is and I think it is this that is acting as an obstacle. Maybe deep down I have strong feelings for him and I can't get past them to do the work. I am even scared of telling T that I saw a massage therapist - it didn't enter my head to tell him before I went, but now that I went and she taught me a different way of looking at stuff, I sort of feel guilty and disloyal.

I know how I would respond to this post - TALK TO T!!!! but as I am privvy to my feelings and the sessions I have with T, I know I can't do that - I think I am majorly scared that he will reject me. I also know in my rational head that this may be a real breakthrough and useful thing to work on with T.

I am not sure what I am looking for really - but maybe just wondered if people have had similar experiences and what they did.

Thanks Soup

why not see both. people have a family doctor and a chiropractor, a family doctor and a orthopedist, a rape crisis therapist and a mental health therapist, a yoga counselor and a mental health therapist and a medical doctor.

people combine art therapy by taking art classes and a mental health therapist .....

people combine having a hypnotist and a mental health provider and a medical doctor..

people combine having a family medical doctor and a college /high school /home nurse/ psychiatric nurse

people combine their health care in what ever ways they need it. if you need a body masseuse and need massage therapy to help you along with needing a mental health therapist theres no reason why you cant have both.

be sure to check with your insurance plans so that you will know if you need to pay for one or the other out of your pocket.

who knows some insurances cover a full range of health care in one package - physical health (which a body massage and chiropractic work falls under) mental health (therapists, psychiatric social workers psychiatrists and psychologists ) and dental health all in one complete package.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think it is so great that you took a risk and got a massage. I would hesitate to drop your regular T because that is where you do most of your work. I don't know if this would help, but I go to a movement therapy group once a week and it is with someone other than my T. I talk about what happens in this group with my T and it has helped me so much. At first I thought I was being disloyal to my T, but now I know that my T is there for me during sessions and my group T is there for me when I am in group. Could you maybe write a letter to your T about the massage and your fears about talking about it with him? Or if you do decide to share, could you sign a release form so your T could talk to your massage T?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

I definitely wouldn't stop the work with your regular T! As much as massage T helps (and it helps me tremendously, too) the work with our regular T is a lot more than what massage T can offer, unless of course, they are trained as a psychologist too!

I started off with my massage T just once a month, as it was all I could afford. Eventually I found ways to save a bit of extra $$ and now see my massage T every other week. She is invaluable to my work with my regular T, as sometimes she'll point something out I hadn't thought of, and it gives me a good thing to explore with regular T.

Oh, and way to go in stepping out of your comfort zone and getting a massage! I was so nervous the first time, but WOW! It is pretty great at aiding the stress relief!

(One more thing... check around for groupons or other deals for massages - make sure the place is reputable! - and make sure to let people know that you're seeing this specific massage T - when I first started going regularly, it was right around my birthday, and a few friends chipped in and bought me 2 massages with her!)

Thank-you for this - it is really helpful. Yes I was brave wasn't I - actually I did make a fool of myself at the beginning, didn't know which way to lie down and didn't take as many clothes off as she had asked - but we got there in the end with a few nervous giggles from me.

No she is not as qualifed as my T -she has done a foundation course in the psychotheapeutic area that my T works in, which first gained my interest in her. She is well qualified as a massage T though and actually trains others.

I just felt more relaxed with her, but maybe that was because it was not so challenging?????

So I shall stick with T and have the occasional massage - sounds a good plan

Thansk again - SD

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

why not see both. people have a family doctor and a chiropractor, a family doctor and a orthopedist, a rape crisis therapist and a mental health therapist, a yoga counselor and a mental health therapist and a medical doctor.

people combine art therapy by taking art classes and a mental health therapist .....

people combine having a hypnotist and a mental health provider and a medical doctor..

people combine having a family medical doctor and a college /high school /home nurse/ psychiatric nurse

people combine their health care in what ever ways they need it. if you need a body masseuse and need massage therapy to help you along with needing a mental health therapist theres no reason why you cant have both.

be sure to check with your insurance plans so that you will know if you need to pay for one or the other out of your pocket.

who knows some insurances cover a full range of health care in one package - physical health (which a body massage and chiropractic work falls under) mental health (therapists, psychiatric social workers psychiatrists and psychologists ) and dental health all in one complete package.

Yes I guess there are lots of times when someone sees more than 1 person, so maybe I just need to find a way of making this work for me. Unfortunately I have to meet all the fees myself, but I do see all this work as an investment in me, so I will see how I can juggle things to have the benefit of both - thankyou SD

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

I think it is so great that you took a risk and got a massage. I would hesitate to drop your regular T because that is where you do most of your work. I don't know if this would help, but I go to a movement therapy group once a week and it is with someone other than my T. I talk about what happens in this group with my T and it has helped me so much. At first I thought I was being disloyal to my T, but now I know that my T is there for me during sessions and my group T is there for me when I am in group. Could you maybe write a letter to your T about the massage and your fears about talking about it with him? Or if you do decide to share, could you sign a release form so your T could talk to your massage T?

Thank-you - yes it did feel very risky, but I read someones signature the other day, about not moving forward if you stay where you are, so I do try and push forward when I can. Yes maybe I could talk to T about the massage thing, I just worry that he will be cross for me not telling him beforehand - plus the way she reframed the trauma thing is very different from the work that he has been doing with me, and I don't want to make him feel criticised - but hey he's the T with the training and qualifications right? So he should be able to handle it????

Wow T and massage T talking to each other about me - that feels a bit scarey - maybe beneficial, but still scarey

I shall stick with poor old T - I wonder why is it so hard with him though - thanks Butterflies Are Free

[Omers]

You know darn well that I am biased!

What a HUGE step! I hope you are able to be VERY proud of yourself!!
What you did was HUGE!!!!!

My T referred me to my massage T. When we talked about budget (I was going to alternate) T said no, you are getting more of what you need with massage T. So I see T once a month (to practice what I learn with massage T LOL) and Massage T weekly. My massage T has the training to be a therapist though just chose not to become licensed as a T.

Figure out what works for you. Everyone is different. Many massage T's are used to dealing with trauma but some are still flaky and misguided. I like still having the security of a T even though T doesn't get it. She knows massage T is every bit as qualified to work with me as she is.

And yes, as odd as it sounds there is something about talking about trauma while being massaged that feels less threatening than when sitting in an office. One would think it would be the opposite. I am shocked at what I blurt out effortlessly to massage T then struggle to tell T.

IMO trauma work with a qualified Massage T is less traumatic and more healing than with a regular T. IMO it helps to get the memories out of our whole body not just our minds. My experience has also been that there is less post session anxiety too.

D* I never expected to see this post from you but I am SO proud of you for trying it!

Make sure to drink a LOT of water. Massage moves yuckies out of the muscles and you want to help your body flush that out rather than reabsorb it. Drinking water is important after every massage but especially when trauma stuff comes up. I have also found that standing in the rain or more conveniently a shower after a massage and visualizing the water coming down and washing all the yuckies away and visualizing them swirl down the drain with the water helps. Even with lots of water you may feel a bit tired, off or like you have mild flu symptoms after a massage, it is your body moving stuff out and usually goes away pretty quick.

Great Job!!!

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Omers

You know darn well that I am biased!

What a HUGE step! I hope you are able to be VERY proud of yourself!!
What you did was HUGE!!!!!

My T referred me to my massage T. When we talked about budget (I was going to alternate) T said no, you are getting more of what you need with massage T. So I see T once a month (to practice what I learn with massage T LOL) and Massage T weekly. My massage T has the training to be a therapist though just chose not to become licensed as a T.

Figure out what works for you. Everyone is different. Many massage T's are used to dealing with trauma but some are still flaky and misguided. I like still having the security of a T even though T doesn't get it. She knows massage T is every bit as qualified to work with me as she is.

And yes, as odd as it sounds there is something about talking about trauma while being massaged that feels less threatening than when sitting in an office. One would think it would be the opposite. I am shocked at what I blurt out effortlessly to massage T then struggle to tell T.

IMO trauma work with a qualified Massage T is less traumatic and more healing than with a regular T. IMO it helps to get the memories out of our whole body not just our minds. My experience has also been that there is less post session anxiety too.

D* I never expected to see this post from you but I am SO proud of you for trying it!

Make sure to drink a LOT of water. Massage moves yuckies out of the muscles and you want to help your body flush that out rather than reabsorb it. Drinking water is important after every massage but especially when trauma stuff comes up. I have also found that standing in the rain or more conveniently a shower after a massage and visualizing the water coming down and washing all the yuckies away and visualizing them swirl down the drain with the water helps. Even with lots of water you may feel a bit tired, off or like you have mild flu symptoms after a massage, it is your body moving stuff out and usually goes away pretty quick.

Great Job!!!

Thank-you so much for reminding me that I should be proud, yes I guess it was a big step for me.

Thanks for sharing your experience that it is easier to blurt things out to massage T than T - yes for me it just felt like a chat - like I had met a friend for a coffee - when I started to talk, she said to make sure that it was not going to traumatise me again and despite my wobble a few days ago, it just felt so calm and OK to talk to her about it - which I can't quite understand.

I have major difficulites with dissociation with T and I found the massage helped that too - helped me to stay in my body - I am interested in the approach you take with having more massage T sessions - maybe I need to find the cash to have a few more with her before I consider any changes, but that may be a possibility particularly with the trauma stuff.

She asked if I wanted some healing at the end - I said yes go for it - she did a lot of heavy breathing and walking around with her hands outstretched and asked if I had felt anything - but I hadn't - not sure what I was supposed to feel? She put it down to my resistance and holding on - but I have an open mind, so will see what happens next time.

Thanks also for the tip re: the shower, that sounds a good idea.

And in terms of never expecting to see this post from me - always expect the unexpected - when I am feeling together I feel I can achieve anything

Thanks Omers

[Omers]

The healing thing at the end would weird me out!

My mind tries to disassociate with massage T but then she starts asking if what ever part of my body she is working on "is attached" or "does this belong to anyone you know?"

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Omers

The healing thing at the end would weird me out!

My mind tries to disassociate with massage T but then she starts asking if what ever part of my body she is working on "is attached" or "does this belong to anyone you know?"

lol - thanks for the confirmation that you too think the end bit is weird - thought it was just me...does that mean we are "normal" and what does it say about her?? Crikey!

Actually I am not sure whether I was dissociating or not - I can just remember trying to remember to breathe so that I didn't get told off .

I shall report back after my next session with her. SD

[unaluna]

Gosh i've only ever had one massage T, at my chiro's, I went a few times last year. we would mostly laugh, probably not surprising to people here. the office staff WAY down the hall would be like, what the heck is going on in there? she is pretty insightful and had some great stories about her kids, but not really therapy caliber. But I never laughed so hard, and I see now that that is probably pretty significant, now that we're talking about it. Duh on me. Good work, SD.

[SilentLucidity]

Souper achievement Soup!

This is exactly what I have grown to love about this forum. NEVER in a million years would I have thought of combining massage T with talk T. When I think of massage I think of the episode from Friends when Ross uses spoons and cars to massage that older man. Reading everyone's responses has opened my eyes to the benefits of massage T.

Amandalouise - Thanks for the idea of looking into if insurance might cover it. I never think of that either. I'm learning SOOOO much today.

[Wren_]

lol - thanks for the confirmation that you too think the end bit is weird - thought it was just me...does that mean we are "normal" and what does it say about her?? Crikey!

that part sounds way weird to me also ..... other than that though wow!

I'm so glad you went ...... i asked about the massage T's last week, and know you were thinking about it then, to read you've already taken the plunge and tried it is so exciting and that it went so well The fees side of it can get so .... complicated; we know what we need, what would help and yet balancing can be hard to manage. Somehow I hope you can get a mix of both T and massage in that is the right mix for you .... and maybe you can't tell T now about massage but one day it might feel ok to share about it I'm excited for you

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

that part sounds way weird to me also ..... other than that though wow!

I'm so glad you went ...... i asked about the massage T's last week, and know you were thinking about it then, to read you've already taken the plunge and tried it is so exciting and that it went so well The fees side of it can get so .... complicated; we know what we need, what would help and yet balancing can be hard to manage. Somehow I hope you can get a mix of both T and massage in that is the right mix for you .... and maybe you can't tell T now about massage but one day it might feel ok to share about it I'm excited for you

Hi TG - thank-you for making that previous post, without it I may still be contemplating things - I have anxiety issues and I have learnt that unless I challenge them, they get worse. The more I think about something the more anxious I get and the more scarey bits I can invent in my head, so for me just doing it is helpful (not always easy to get myself to that place though).

Touch is hard for me and and lying with few clothes on a real challenge! But I reminded myself I was safe, that this was her job, that she was a massage "therapist" and would be used to dealing with people with issues. It wasn't easy, but I would go again and I think the more I went the easier and more beneficial it would be.

I have T today and may tell him - I'll see how brave I'm feeling. But on the other hand I tell myself this is my journey, I believe that ultimately there is a place in my head that knows what is best for me and it is up to me to decide whoi I want to help me.

Be good to hear whether you take the plunge and find one and about your experiences. Take care SD