Is there something you want your therapist to tell you?

When I'm obviously distressed over whatever, I just want you to tell me that it'll be ok. Some sensitive words focused on making me feel better in the moment rather than on making actual progress. Just once.

Thanks, WePow.

That would be a very hard thing for me to do...that probably means that I should do it!

Every once in a while, I will tell my T, usually at the following session, "That was the nicest (or best, or whatever) thing you've ever said to me" (or ever done), and we'll talk about why. It may be some off-hand remark, something that demonstrates his increasing familiarity with me (in many senses of the word), or like when he says i'll see you TOMORROW - I LOVE that, I don't know why! So simple. Anyway, right now I can't think of anything else I want him to say (except maybe great abs! well maybe next year) but I do think it is important to acknowledge these moments of theirs, and wondered if anybody else did. I think it helps them in the long run to say more of what we want or need.

My T tells me he is not going anywhere and we will be working together for a long long time. He has told me I am one of the good good people in the world. He has told me he will always have my back. I try so hard to make myself really believe him. He has never been anything but supportive and caring. My problem is I had a T before him for 20+ years who I trusted 100% when he said those things.( I have abandonment issues along with other things) Then he did something(??) and lost his license, There was no warning, termination time, he was just gone. It took almost two years to be able to go to someone else and I like him very much and have been with him for 11/2 yrs. I am trying to believe what he says and he has certainly backed up his words with his actions, yet it seems I am always asking for that reassurance. I hate that I am like that. I don't know how to change it. I want to believe again.

I had a phone session with my T on Friday and the way she said something brought up some feelings in me. I wrote a really nice, heartfelt letter just expressing my feelings so on Monday, when I read it to her, I hope she will say, "Thank you so much for sharing your feelings in such a caring way and for being so honest. You did a great job!"

I can't really think of anything. She pretty much tells me everything I would want her to. She is always encouraging and lets me know that I am doing well. We have gotten past the "are you going to terminate me" phase, so I don't need her to say that anymore.

I know a lot about her, so there is nothing more I could ask her. I am not looking for her to 'love' me, or to be her 'special client', so that is not an issue for me. We have a really good relationship. If I can think of something I want her to tell me, I would come right out and ask her (or send it in an email).

My therapist pretty much tells me everything I need/ want her too. She is very supportive.

But the BIGGEST thing I'd like to hear from her right now (while she's out of the country) is "Surprise!! I am coming home this week!!"

My T has told me everything I could have possibly wanted and then some. I have no doubt how important I am to her and how dedicated she is to helping me meet my personal goals.

I would, however, like for her to tell me whenever I have said or done something that, while acceptable in a therapeutic context, would not fly in real life with friends or coworkers. So, I guess I am saying I'd like my relationship to be a little less rarefied. It seems almost too wonderful at times.

There is so much I would love to hear my T say...

- I'll be here for as long as you need me
- I care about you
- If you ever need a hug or to be held just ask
- I know you feel alone but I am here for you
- I would be proud to have a daughter like you

so many things really the list would be too long

You do deserve to be helped.
I care about you.
You will be okay, and I will be with you until you get there.

You don't need therapy anymore.
I think it would help if you come more often.

My T is awesome, and now that I'm comfortable with my attachment, there is only one thing I really would like to hear...

Yes, I will give you a hug anytime, you just have to ask.

That's all. If she were to tell me that, I think I'd probably freak out. And it would probably take me a good month, or longer, before I'd be able to ask. But knowing that she'd be ok with it...

Great thread stormy!

"I think you do need to be here" .... (is it sick that I'd want to hear this??)

I would like to hear..............

I like you as a person
You are important to me
You will get through this
You are not alone, I am here with you

However, he does say a lot of this with his actions. He has already said he cares about me and is proud of me which is awesome. No complaints.

"Yes. I give hugs."

For me there are things I want to hear overall:
- I won't let you go until you're ready
- I love you despite what yuckiness you feel is inside of you

And things that are in the moment/day:
- I'm home early come see me for session! (T out til Friday)
- Please, certainly bring in your 36 page story that we haven't processed yet
- For ET to say: I'd love for you to call me tomorrow to let me know how you are doing

for me, it is not so much what i want him to say, he has pretty much said what i need to hear, i just wish he would say it more than once. once doesn't make it real in my head.

I began seeing my favorite therapist when I was age 29. I remained a client of hers for 19 years. At age 48, my life unraveled very badly. I had become quite stable for about a year and was doing well on my job and at home. Then I became more unwell than I had ever been. I was unable to continue on my job. I experienced some transient financial hardship. At this difficult time we were meeting for sessions.

I was becoming more unwell. My meds were being managed by a pdoc who had treated me for over 4 years. I felt fortunate to be working with two persons whom I respected so much and who knew me so well. In no way did I blame anyone, other than myself, for the trouble in my mind and in my life. I was becoming a wreck, losing weight. My judgement was terrible. I thought I was going crazy. My pdoc intimated that my long-standing diagnosis of "dysthymia" might need revisiting. He was suggesting Bipolar disorder.

MY T invited me in for a "free" session. I expressed that it was disheartening in the extreme to have decompensated so badly. When I was at home, I was almost psychotic at times. My T presented with a stern demeanor and had the following points to make to me:
#1) "You are a Drama Addict."
#2) "You blame others for your problems."
#3) "Your life is a soap opera."
#4) "Do not delude yourself that you have ever really worked on your issues."

I left the session emotionally traumatized. I immediately made notes in the address book in my purse because I feared that I would later believe that this had not happened. The old address book is in front of me now with the T's four pronouncements recorded.

That was the last time I was in her office. For 19 years, I had believed that we had regarded each other with warmth and respect. I still believe that was true. I have not changed my opinion of her, which is one of high esteem. Our encounter on that day was out of character with everything I had previously experienced. A few years ago, someone was calling out to me while I was shopping. I turned and it was my former T, who expressed that it was so nice to see me, and how was I, and she was beaming a warm smile and just seemed so effusively delighted to have run in to me. Had she not gone out of her way to greet me, I would never have known she was there. So this was not an awkward forced encounter. I was bewildered that she sought to engage me. I stood there stunned. I was cordial.

"Is there something I want my (former) T to tell me?"

Yes. "Why?"

Oh, wow - Rose... how terrible for you. I am so sorry...

I want my pdoc to tell me my dx is all a huge mistake and there is nothing wrong with me.

I want her to say:

"I love you".

Anything about her husband, not act like he's a big secret.

"I thought about you during the week".

"I'm going to answer each email you send me" (like she used to)

I would want my t to say:

I care about you.
I believe in you.
You will succeed.
If we had met in a social way I could see us as friends.

((((((((((((Rose)))))))))))))) I too am wondering "why?" How long ago did this happen? Have you thought about writing her a letter or sending an email explaining how her statements made you feel?

Hankster, yes, I do. I think it really helps the T know what we need and it also helps them feel good. If I can help my T feel good, then great! I do say things like, "that was just what I needed to hear" or "that makes me feel so good to hear that". I remember once I told him how helpful it was when he phoned me out of the blue and talked to me for about a half hour when I was in a really bad space. He asked what did he say that was so helpful? Maybe he wanted to know so he could be more effective in similar situations with other clients (or again with me, subsequently). I thought for awhile then said "it wasn't anything you said, but the sound of your voice." Not sure if that was very helpful to him!

I've thought about this thread because I keep seeing it on the front page and I can't really think of something I want my T to tell me. He already seems to say the right things. Sometimes he says to me in the session, "what are you needing from me today?" And that gives me a chance to look inside and find the answer and tell him. So he knows what I need and then can provide that. But this is always different, so it is not a need I have to hear him say a specific thing all the time that he hasn't ever provided. Rather than a specific thing I need him to say, I need him to do things--like just keep being the great T he is, listening to me, talking to me, connecting with me, sharing himself with me, being who he truly is with me, etc.

For Rose:

He has already told me most of the things I want to hear him say...but the most important is "I'm not leaving" and he said it a couple of times last session in slight variation-now I just need to fully trust that-and I'm truly starting to! what is this T stuff doing to me?! lol!