Is there something you want your therapist to tell you?

I have a hard time knowing myself. I fantasize that my T--who probably knows some things about me after seven years--will tell me who she thinks I am. In my fantasy, she would tell me what I'm good at and not so good at; what makes me likeable and what not so likeable; how she thinks I see the world; and who I am.

It feels dysfunctional for me to want someone else to tell me who I am. There have been numerous times I've asked her to say something that I wanted to hear, but not this one. I think the real work is me figuring out these things for myself. But, sometimes I would love a short cut.

Thanks for the question, Stormy!

I guess I'd like T to tell me what she knows about me that I don't know about myself yet.

I love you.
I care about you.
You're like a daughter to me.
I would be proud to have a daughter like you.
I will always be there for you.
I thought about you the other day when...
Even after our sessions end, I will still care about you; I will still think about you from time to time. Please send me updates and let me know what you're doing. I know you'll do great things and you'll always make me proud.
Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.
Our relationship doesn't only work one way. You've taught me things as well.
I'm really touched by the maternal feelings you have for me. The way you express your feelings is beautiful; so sweet, sensitive and thoughtful. Sharing them with me feels like a gift.
You're special.
I enjoy working with you.
I'm so glad you started asking for hugs. I love giving them to you.
You always manage to make me laugh and put a smile on my face.
I feel privileged to have gotten to know you.
You make a difference in other people's lives.
You deserve to be happy.

Generally:

"No matter how hard you pull away, I'm not going to let go of you; no matter how far you run away, I'm going to come after you."

"I miss you when you're gone."

"I always look forward to seeing you."

Specifically:

I wish he would just say "I'm sorry" for something he did recently, not saying "I'm sorry, but here's why I did it."

I wish he would give me an explanation that I could both believe and feel comforted by for why he didn't think it was worth discussing when I was finally able to verbalize directly that I loved him (after a good three years of beating around the bush and avoiding the word "love" to describe anything at all). I'm not very optimistic.

I'm really struggling with feeling like I don't deserve to be in therapy, and with trying to pull away from my T (and life in general right now).

I wish she'd just flat out say to me "you do deserve to be in therapy. I want to help you and it's not necessary for you to pull away. I won't give up on you."

I love you.
I care about you.
You're important to me.
You're special.
You can contact me when you're struggling, I'd like to be able to help you during those times.
I wont ever forget you.
I'll be here to help as long as you need me.
I'm not going anywhere.
I wont ever give up on you.
I'm glad I met you.
Can I give you a hug?
I've missed you.
I believe in you.
I'll make sure we don't ever completely lose contact.
It's been really nice to see you today.
I'm really proud of you.
I'm glad that I'm the one helping you.

You are safe and you can depend on me. And on the fantasy side she will tell me what is wrong and fix it in a minute. No you need to put your own puzzle together.

To: Indie'sOK That happened in November, 2001. I still cry over it from time to time. Yes, I have thought of doing exactly as you describe. I have probably thought of that hundreds of times. Somehow, I feel unable to expect that anything good would come of me doing that. I expect she would just be defensive. Also, there is a bigger risk: she might do it again to me.

I want her to tell me that she doesn't believe we're a good fit and get it over with. Then I can move on with my life

((((((Rose)))))))) I'm so sorry this happened You have every right to still be upset about it. What a smack in the face, especially after 19 years together. Wow

T, today I could really do with asking if you're there, and hearing "I'm here". I could do with you telling me it was real, it still is, and I am still real, and you still love me. Things you willingly tell me every day, again and again if I need you to. Things I have on my phone and in cards and in recordings you made. The only thing missing is "I'm here". Because you're not. Ten days down. Ten days to go.

I wish you'd been told that why also, that was heartbreaking to read

My t told me recently "I care about you far beyond these (office) walls." also "You are in my heart." and "You are stuck with me for life, even after therapy."

Something that I would like to hear my T say to me is "You are enough."

"Everything is going to be okay"

AND... I still want to hear "Guess what! I am coming home this week!!"

I just came from my T and it was an interesting session. I told him how there are days where I am so overwhelmed with being held captive by all that I have to deal with resulting from someone's negligence that I just want to give up. And I explained how that one safe place that I had created to be my haven from all the other issues I had to somehow deal with in my life was destroyed. It was as if that tree that I climbed so many times in order to hid from my brother who had some plan to hurt me was all of a sudden cut down and not there. Now, I not only have to be trapped with no place to run, no way to truely rest or feel safe, but all the things that hurt me throughout my life are being exposed to my family. As much as I want them to understand how deeply effected I am, I also want to protect them from taking on my pain and the depth of my personal life struggle. I especially want to protect my daughter, I do not want her to be exposed to the terrible things her mother endured.
I dont want that to be in her head, I never did, she doesn't need to be infected with my pain, it isn't fair to her. And I feel I have to be careful how much my husband learns about the incredible pain he has caused to me.

My therapist told me today that he was amazed at how strong I was and that had he had to deal with what I am struggling with, he might want to give up as well.

But what I really wanted him to say is, "Give me the name of your attorney, he has to know how much you are suffering while he fumbles around in forgetfulness. I want to tell him that it is paramount that this situation get resolved because it is causing my patient to suffer to an extreme that is becoming a critical concern. I will tell him that you were extremely violated needlessly and you are truely suffering from a critical case of PTSD that is being aggrivated to dangerous levels."

Everyone can see the pain I am in and how I am really struggling every day. I keep asking for someone to speak up on my behalf. But no seems to hear me.

I cant keep looking at a train wreck day in and day out, four years is long enough.
I truely need a time out, a repreeve and a release from this psychological bondage.
Everyone sees it, but no one acts.

Open Eyes

I care about you
I love you like you love me (like a friend)
I won't abandon you
You aren't too much for me to handle

Today I need to hear:
It's okay that you fell apart in session.
I know you feel gross but you're not gross.
You didn't deserve the things that happened to you.
I still love you.
I know you feel alone, but you are with me in my thoughts.

I did hear: I really want to protect you.
And that was nice.

We will figure out a way for you to be able to continue seeing me, even with your financial difficulties. Even if that means I will need to reduce my fee for you.

I was trying to figure out a way to word what you wrote here. I'd like to hear this from my T too.

I'll keep you safe

I wont abandon you or hurt you.

The last T that I worked with, not long ago, told me that he found working with a client like myself to be similar to walking around where there are buried land mines. As I read the posts above and hear how much acceptance clients tend to wish for and how unconditional and gently reassuring they hope that acceptance will be, I can't help but compare how vastly much less I would be delighted to get. I feel like a dog hoping crumbs will fall off the table.

And would someone mind telling me how does it ever get to be alright for therapists to put ANY client into a category of "barely sufferable." I mean they don't do that to people in prisons convicted of heinous acts.

I think most of us would take any crumbs if they should fall, I know I would ... being called barely sufferable though is just wrong on so many levels

I love you.

I will not leave you no matter how much you obsess over me.

Can I give you a long mother bear hug?

My next appointment canceled, so you can stay in my office and relax and soak up some chill time while I go run an errand.

Let's sit on the porch and have our session.

It's okay to break down and bawl and get all messy.

I can be your substitute mom while you're here with me each week, even though it will never fill the void.