Does your therapist tell you what you want to hear?

Well... Sometimes I want her to tell me that I am her favorite client, lol, but of course, I know she will never say that... But I have to say that my T doesn't say stuff just to make me feel better, unless she really means it. I often think that I need to "toughen up" and not be so sensitive so that my T can REALLY tell me what she thinks...

Hi Grec!

Forgive my impertinence, but I've noticed something about your posts.

You are supportive and constructive, yet this all seems to come from your head and not your heart. You say, "everyone feels like that", but not "I feel like that." I sense a kind of detachment.

I mention this because it is something other people have said to me, particularly in the early days of group therapy. They said I was "head-spacy" and "didn't get it". I couldn't see beyond the facts to the feelings. I remember being upset about this at the time. I think I'm more empathic now, but you can judge for yourself!

Good luck on your journey!

Postscript: I just realised I didn't tell you how I felt about your post! I think the word is "uncomfortable". I'm uncomfortable with what I see as your detachment.

No, my therapist doesn't tell me just what i want to hear. But I hope he's telling me what I NEED to hear.

Never.

Once, I was scared for my T to answer a question. He said, "Wouldn't you want me to be honest? Wouldn't you want me to tell you the truth?" I paused for a moment and said, "ABSOLUTELY!"

I realized I was afraid whatever he might say.... could possibly begin to transform my life.

And, it did.

I was thankful.

So what was it? You can tell me, I'm very nosy.

ditto!!

I can state: I do not tell my clients things just to pacify them. That's not helpful to them or our relationship.

However, on the flip side, I feel like my therapist says things just to pacify me. That she doesn't really believe what she herself is telling me. Like when she says I am worth something, or lovable, or that things I say really ARE ok and understandable. I feel she just says those things because as my therapist she "has to".

Yeabbut, when your personal trainer tells you that you can do 5 more sit-ups or whatever, does she "believe" it, or are you paying her to tell you that because that is who you want to be, and that is the, or a, way to achieve your goal? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth! Your personal trainer (& your T) is entitled to think whatever gets her thru the day. What's the expression - other people's opinion of you is none of your business. You do your work, let her do hers. Don't look for excuses not to do your own healing. I mean me. Thanks, stormy! This idea keeps popping up, doesn't it? THEY ie T doesn't MEAN it, doesn't REALLY like me - well, your brain doesn't know the difference. Just like a broken bone will heal with a titanium screw in it.

hmm, so it doesn't matter whether t is genuine or not? Well, personal trainer better not be too far off the mark either, or I'm going to be too sore to come back the next time.

Anyway, does this mean it's a good idea to appreciate the positive that t sees in us, even if t might not see that positive if we knew t outside of the therapy context?

For me it seems important to be able to hear those positive things... to feel them and accept them... even if it needs time to settle and find it's place then.
We do share things with T that he indeed would not know outside of therapy. But the things we share are usually the ones we are afraid of or that hurt us, that we are afraid to show to others in fear of rejection. But if we can show it to T and get a positive response and are able to really feel and accept it then we have a chance to let other people see more of us as well... and get those positive responses outside of therapy...

If T were your personal trainer judging your body-building contest, aside from it maybe being a conflict of interest... my T's group call it "developing emotional muscle", which sets me off giggling everytime he says that (even now, just typing it!). Come to think of it, he hasn't mentioned his emotional muscle in a long time... I'm sorry, what was the question? Your T is not judging you. T is helping you develop whatever was left undeveloped, for whatever reason. If they have to kind of trick you to do it, to sneak past the guards (defenses) you have set in place, so what? In bodybuilding, you have to take care not to use the big muscles when trying to build small muscles in the same area. Same diff. That's how I see it.

this scares the crap out of me at least once a week. He told me that he cared about me and I got pissed. I mean you can't just say crap like that to a love starved child!

Really, wikid? when my T says stuff like that, i'm like when it starts raining after a real long drought, and the rain just bounces back up off the ground, it can't even absorb or sink in, it's too hard and dried up. it's like, WTH is THAT stuff? that does not compute.