[venusss]

Okay, I have issues. More issues than National Geographic one could say.

I have been playing with the idea to "ask for help" for a long time, but I am still not sure if it is something I want to blow money on (since I am not sure my insurance will cover it. No sliding scale here and all these niceties. We be capitalist here). But to be honest the system here sucks. It is bit over 20 years since we got rid of totalitarian regime and we know these are no good for social sciences. So... there are not many good psychologists here (and when I looked up most focus on drugs or eating disorders... not my issue).

So I don't know. I am not even sure I wanna rehash the past issues right now, as I have too many other things to worry about.

But maybe I can do it on my own. Go to school library and read some books on psychology and be my own helper. I am highly intelligent and not that much of a mess. And I won't have transference issues with myself and I will save the money... as I really don't have that much extra cash right now.

Not sure.

Can one help themselves if they are focused and determined enough? And is it good idea to try to solve unresolved issues when you have too much of other things to focus on?

I think if you live in a country where psychological services are difficult to access then yes it may help to work on oneself. From my own experience, intelligence and knowledge help very little in the end, it was in the transference where I needed to heal, work on my inability to tolerate ambivalence. I use to buy lots of self help books, and to be honest I can't really remember much about them, all my healing has come from experiencing personally what books were explaining.

Having said this, no one can say what will help another, we all have come from different journeys. I am focused and determined, hence all the monies I've spent so far. But then again I've always been a more introverted kind of person so looking at myself is something I've done naturally.

[elliemay]

In my opinion, deep within us, there is an innate ability to be our own healer. Through it all, most retain a deep capacity for growth and love.

Sometimes that ability, however, gets completely overwhelmed to the point that outside help is required.

But, as indicated previously, there are many many paths that help us to tap into the reservoir of own strength.

Transference (I personally find the use of that word to be rather limiting because anywhere outside of psychology it's simply referred to as feelings, but whatever) is necessary for some, entirely problematic for others. In some it never even occurs.

For me, therapy has been an incredibly helpful process, and has been the keystone of my path, but, make no mistake, there have been other processes in play. The combined effort of all has led to a much happier life for me.

Going it alone will require a rather critical and objective appraisal of yourself. I think you will have to sort of what thoughts, behaviours and beliefs you have that keep you from the life you want. That is a valuable skill to develop no doubt, but sometimes hard to come by on one's own. I know I felt as though therapy was required.

If you are not confident in the mental health services available to you, then I think it becomes a definite risk/benefit analysis. Without a doubt, therapy is expensive. It has iatrogenic effects. Some therapists are just outright nutjobs - incompetent to the very core. Sometimes it's even hard to ferret out the nutjobs from the good ones.

Psychology is definitely one way, but it's not the only.

FWIW, i've found profound truth and peace in the tenets of Buddhism. I think those guys just absolutely know how to live in harmony with most of the crap that comes up in life.

[Omers]

I had to do A LOT of my own work with books... for a reason I think you would be very likely to run into... Your IQ is flipping off the charts. It is very difficult IMO to work with a therapist with a significantly lower IQ than your own. I think one of the largest factors in my success with my current T is that she is friggin brilliant... absent minded and quirky... but brilliant!

The risk in being your own T is that you may not have an external feedback loop which is very important to keep things clear and less biased (sorry... my bias is that unbiased doesn't exist).

I believe, in the specific work I did with books, I was very successful and when I went for my psych eval the evaluator seemed to agree. I did rely strongly on a very small group of close friends with varying understandings of psychology and a retired T who was a friend to do reality checks along the way.

It has been my experience that being smart helps in every domain of life, including within therapy, and outside of therapy. I have had periods in between rounds of therapy, most recently about 15 years, and much healing happened during that time. Some of that was deliberate healing, as in reading books and trying to attend to issues and make deliberate changes. Sometimes healing just happened living your life-- for me, being a mom and having a secure relationship allowed me to work out issues that I don't think would have ever been touched if I had just been in therapy.

You can use this site as a resource. Collectively, the people here have tackled all kinds of issues, in and out of therapy, and they are some of the best-read people I have ever known. If you post a question like "I want to learn something about ___, does anyone have any suggestions of things to read?

Anne

[unaluna]

You say school library, what kind of school? If they train psychologists or psychiatrists there, could be cheaper and would be better than nothing. Perhaps enrolling in school (for one class) would give you access to cheap therapy with college counselors? Just some (crazy!) ideas. On the other hand, perhaps also following a DBT course, in which you actively DO things, and maybe involve other people?, would also help facilitate change.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by hankster

You say school library, what kind of school? If they train psychologists or psychiatrists there, could be cheaper and would be better than nothing. Perhaps enrolling in school (for one class) would give you access to cheap therapy with college counselors? Just some (crazy!) ideas. On the other hand, perhaps also following a DBT course, in which you actively DO things, and maybe involve other people?, would also help facilitate change.

the faculty of social studies.There are psychology and psychotherapy majors here, so yes, the library is well supplied.

No college counselors here...

You can use this site as a resource. Collectively, the people here have tackled all kinds of issues, in and out of therapy, and they are some of the best-read people I have ever known. If you post a question like "I want to learn something about ___, does anyone have any suggestions of things to read?

my problem is i kinda have hard time opening about those things that matter the most.

FWIW, i've found profound truth and peace in the tenets of Buddhism. I think those guys just absolutely know how to live in harmony with most of the crap that comes up in life.

eastern religions kept me alive. So I know about these things.

[SoupDragon]

I think books can be great and really beneficial - but for me sorting out myself this way, without an experienced "instructor / guide" would be like learning to drive by theory alone. And even that may be achievable, but I may cause a few accidents in the process.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I think books can be great and really beneficial - but for me sorting out myself this way, without an experienced "instructor / guide" would be like learning to drive by theory alone. And even that may be achievable, but I may cause a few accidents in the process.

I am actually afraid that somebody might break me if I trust them too much and they are not that good.

I just don't know. I am kinda scared to let others mess with my emotions and mind... even if it may be needed and helpful in the end.

there just seem to be too many incompetent people in the field (I remember seeing some psychologist on late night talk show... talking about how clients can hug a teddybear in her office and adviced to standing naked in front of the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself as a good way to improve yourself confidence (both are yucky and WTF to be in their own way).

[Omers]

I think there are more crazy T's out there than crazy clients. No offense to any T's here.

Mine is nuts, and will admit it... but it is a nuts that works for me. One of the things I like is that she mostly practices mindful presence with me... not changing or fixing anything... just being fully present to me while I talk or until I ask for something.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I think it is possible but will be difficult. Good luck to you!

[Oceanwave]

If self-help books really helped there wouldn't be much need for publishing more and more new ones. Give therapy a go, if you can! Reading books is a very different experience to getting feedback and perspective from another human being.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Oceanwave

If self-help books really helped there wouldn't be much need for publishing more and more new ones. Give therapy a go, if you can! Reading books is a very different experience to getting feedback and perspective from another human being.

again, i am not talking to self-help books sold in grocery store, instead I would use professional resources.

But I can see the appeal of having a human interaction and being given feedback to my concrete issues and feelings.

*sight*

[Sannah]

Why not just try a therapist there first and see what happens?

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Why not just try a therapist there first and see what happens?

as I mentioned... financial issues are part of the problem. And I am bit afraid of emotional mind****, because i am in real stressful place and thinking that eh, maybe I should wait and just deal with today?

yes, I am afraid of letting somebody to mess with my mind and emotions. Is it that abnormal?

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

And I am bit afraid of emotional mind****, because i am in real stressful place and thinking that eh, maybe I should wait and just deal with today?

yes, I am afraid of letting somebody to mess with my mind and emotions. Is it that abnormal?

A lot of people fear this but getting better requires facing fears.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Sannah

A lot of people fear this but getting better requires facing fears.

Indeed.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Oceanwave

If self-help books really helped there wouldn't be much need for publishing more and more new ones. Give therapy a go, if you can! Reading books is a very different experience to getting feedback and perspective from another human being.

There are a lot of books other than self-help books. Many stories from people who have "been there". Different kinds of "there". I found those quite helpful. At one time I went to the public library and just started going through the biographies, from the letter 'A' on, picking ones that looked interesting. Got a lot of help that way.

Other psychology books too, such as A General Theory of Love, and Understanding The Borderline Mother. Helped me. Then I started on Hitler and Stalin! Those helped too. Then there are books such as The Evolution of God and others on the history of religions. Lots to learn.

[venusss]

soooo, I looked up Ts in my location and found few that look interesting... but not sure if I can really afford it. It feels like blowing money on stockmarket.

Plus... the emotional investment... do I really need to invest my emotions and soul on emotional Wall Street? I am not really sure.

Kinda scared of it, tbh.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

as I mentioned... financial issues are part of the problem. And I am bit afraid of emotional mind****, because i am in real stressful place and thinking that eh, maybe I should wait and just deal with today?

yes, I am afraid of letting somebody to mess with my mind and emotions. Is it that abnormal?

After working with two therapists that were just "okay" but not overly helpful or overly brilliant, I was hesitant to try for a third time. I spent a lot of time searching for exactly what I wanted in a T and then spoke on the phone with that T before deciding to actually go to her. I took a risk, and I'm really glad I did. I was trying to do it on my own, and it just wasn't enough. I needed an outside viewpoint...someone with lots of experience and knowledge and patience.

Like Omers, I struggled with my previous two T's because they didn't understand someone with a high IQ and I was always frustrated with the fact that I just felt like I was communicating on an entirely different level than them. My current T can match my intelligence and it makes communicating with her so much easier.

I don't think it's abnormal to worry about someone messing with your emotions. I think, though, that if you can find a really good, competent, expereinced T, then that won't really be an issue. The catch is that you have to find someone you can work with, that you feel can communicate with you and that you can trust not to screw with your emotions.

I was terrified to try therapy again after my not so helpful first two expereinces...yes, those T's kept me alive and functioning, but I needed more! The T I found is brilliant, quirky, insightful, kind, calm, compassionate, and just all around awesome. I'm glad I took the risk, because I'm finally getting that "more." I'm finally working through my issues and starting to actually live my life, not just be alive and functioning.

[eskielover]

I can say that most of the therapy that I have had since 1994 has been throwing money down the drain. Issue started with loosing my career/my identity & didn't want to live. Not one T could help. They couldn't change the situation & they never bothered to offer me any skills to deal with the emotions I had going on. Then a trauma hit & a whole different can of worms exploded.

For me, the DBT teaching of skills & having it set up as learning (which is the only thing I was ever good at in the first place) has been the only therapy that has ever made sense because it's applied to our every day lives & what we are going through & being observant of the world around us, seeing how we react & then determining how better we can react in order to survive it in a better way.....& if nothing else, make sure that one doesn't get worse. Status quo can be the best option at times if there is nothing we can do to make something better.

For me it's good because it sticks to the hear & now without having to go back & say how horrible your parents were & what an awful job they did.....know as a parent, I tried to be better than my parents & did a horrible job at it because I had nothing to model my idea after & blew it in areas where my parents didn't.......for me, the important thing is how I deal with the hear & now. I can chain back to where my thought processes come from at times, but sticking in the hear & now has been an important aspect of the DBT also.

I remember one T at the very beginning commented on how hard it was to do T with extremely intelligent people. For me everything had to be logical or I wouldn't accept what they offered. I have a very wonderful psychologist now who is very logical which was originally shocking for me when I started with her a few years ago. She actually offered other ways of looking at things & suggestions of how to handle things that came up in my life & feelings that were caused from the trauma I went through.

We all have different reasons why we are in therapy, but the basic one is because what we are doing isn't always the best way to cope with things in our life & have some problems otherwise we wouldn't need therapy. Learning new ways of handling situations & learning how to better deal with the problem areas in our life is really what therapy is all about.......wow, that was what I was looking for from the beginning only no one offered that solution to me until now.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

But maybe I can do it on my own. Go to school library and read some books on psychology and be my own helper. I am highly intelligent and not that much of a mess. And I won't have transference issues with myself and I will save the money... as I really don't have that much extra cash right now.

Some people find books helpful.

One thing you'd get from a therapist that you can't get from a book is the way they notice patterns that you can't see.

Also, a therapist will challenge you in a deeper and more personal way.

Group therapy is not particularly expensive, and might be a good place to start if you are "not that much of a mess."

"Transference issues" are painful, but ultimately very helpful. And don't imagine that you can avoid transference by avoiding therapy! Transference happens all the time.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Omers

Your IQ is flipping off the charts. It is very difficult IMO to work with a therapist with a significantly lower IQ than your own.

I used to think like this, but not any more. No way.

I may be smarter than T, but she's the expert. I actually get quite frustrated at just how useless IQ can be in a social or emotional situation.

"There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count."

[venusss]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I used to think like this, but not any more. No way.

I may be smarter than T, but she's the expert. I actually get quite frustrated at just how useless IQ can be in a social or emotional situation.

"There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count."

I don't know about this. They are expert on what they studied in school... and my psychology-student friends don't seem overly intellectual and not many of them acknowledge the intellectual side of depression (when we talk about it in general, I don't speak about myself to them...).

My problems (as much as I am composed person) go far beyond unresolved grief issues, anxieties or relationship issues. And oh, my mood disorder thing (which brings another issue... will somebody want to handle me au naturale and just help me handle who I am? Or am I considered a bad patient from the start for simply refusing to take meds?). But yeah, it is more complicated. Not sure anybody can really help me with my fears.

[sittingatwatersedge]

3rd Times wrote >> It has been my experience that being smart helps in every domain of life, including within therapy, and outside of therapy

I know what you mean but in my experience it has also been a source of ostracism, marginalization, misunderstanding, loneliness, and endless complication, all my life. And in therapy I am plagued by a need to read all about the process, know how it works, who has power, what we are doing, what is going on, which falls between having control issues (because I'm so "smart" I must know better), and a deep need to think about rather than to feel. The psych community has a name for this.... intellectualization.

Omers >> It is very difficult IMO to work with a therapist with a significantly lower IQ than your own. ....
well, hm. With therapy too, I have resigned myself to live it with it - besides, maybe it depends on the T? if psychotherapy is at least as much art as it is science, as my T once commented.

T's years of training, decades of experience, and passion make her very good at her work. I get what I need to stay on track, exploring the dark corners of my house of mirrors, wrestling my demons, and healing.

If her IQ is not mine... well at least I don't have to worry about boring her.
Hang on T! here we go!!