[skycastle]

I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 years. But I stopped seeing the her recently just because of some insurance issues and then by the time those fixed themselves I just felt like I'd separated enough that I should just move on. My therapist herself had said right before my insurance cut out that I could move to less frequent sessions, so... I guess I just ran with that

I guess I'm feeling insecure because there are these big parts of myself that I feel I don't know. I'm really unsure of my sexuality right now, and I'm unsure about whether my coping mechanisms are healthy or not, and I'm not really sure if I am truly ME in my every day life.

I wonder if, in therapy, I got some grounding in my identity because I had someone to check in with and bump up against pretty regularly. Now, I feel like I just have this lack of belief/understanding/confidence in myself.

I'm not really sure if I'd benefit from going back to therapy, since I'm not sure I'm motivated enough or really in any place to actually work on this. I don't have a specific question, just wanted to share with you all, maybe someone can relate. For some reason I catch myself wishing I'd run into my (former?) therapist or wishing she'd call, but I know that I also can't stand her and don't feel like working with her.

Life is weird. I wish I had fewer uncertainties about who I am in my essence as an individual.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Hi Skycastle and welcome to PC! Unfortunately only you have the answers to the questions that you have posted. I do understand how comforting it is to have a T to lean on so to speak. I, myself haven't really been out of therapy since I started so I can't really relate on that front. Hopefully someone else will be able to. I just wanted to give a shout out to you and welcome you and wish you good health and happiness,

[ECHOES]

If you like the support, but don't want to work with her, what about finding someone else to work with? I think the way to know if you would benefit from returning to therapy is try it and see.

I plan to be in therapy forever, since there is always something to learn about myself.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by skycastle

Life is weird. I wish I had fewer uncertainties about who I am in my essence as an individual.

There are a lot of ways to explore this question. Self-exploration can occur by reading, engaging in meaningful conversation with people, checking out different areas of life to engage in, etc. It doesn't require visits to a therapist.

But, a therapist sometimes can help guide the search and it's nice to have a regular meeting with someone to have this conversation. Also, meeting with a T can force us to face some unpleasant stuff about ourselves. I think therapy should be required for everyone. Just like vaccinations,etc. Not really, but in our lonely world it is super nice having someone to talk to who doesn't need anything from us (except a payment )

So, maybe research therapists in your area and when the time is right, call some up and interview them to determine if you're a good fit or not. In the meantime, try all those other avenues of self-exploration.

[skycastle]

Thanks skysblue, ECHOES, and PTSDlovemycats. I appreciate your warm welcomes and your responses.

Truthfully, my therapist called me on the phone just before the weekend started, and I haven't called her back yet... I keep listening to her message though and thinking about it. Or, not really thinking about it--I don't really have anything to think about, I just kind of play it over in my head.

She called to ask how I'm doing and I realize I feel a little frozen because I don't know how to answer. If I call back and leave a message saying I'm fine, then I may not hear from her ever again, and then what if I am just pushing someone away when I could be asking for help? But then, maybe I don't need help. I'm not doing perfectly, but am I doing poorly? I don't know, I don't even know what that would mean. I just don't know how to answer.

Is it weird that I think I can't stand her and I resent her and probably hate her a bit, but yet I still half-dread half-hope that she'll call me, and I still keep listening to her message, and I'm still too frozen up to call back? I'm so weird...

[learning1]

Skycastle, I can identify with what you wrote. With my current t, I had seen him earlier and he was kind of mean I think one time toward the end of when I saw him. He was also very helpful sometimes. So it was really hard to decide whether to go back. I also wasn't sure I needed to go to t at all. I don't think I needed to; I'm not having any major life crises or anything, I just hope it will help with depression.

I don't think there's anything wrong with going to a t just because you want to, or because you're not sure if you want to, for the issues you talked about. Also there's nothing wrong with going to your current t just because you're not sure, but you keep wondering. At least it will help to resolve the wondering. It sounds like she cares, since she called you.

I went to 2 other t's for a while and then decided to go back to current t. I had to so I could stop wondering. Unfortunately, I'm not finding him so helpful now, although he tries. I'm planning to continue to go until I feel pretty sure I won't have a question bothering me in the back of my mind about whether it might help. I can afford my copays, and it's not taking anything from anyone except my time.