During last therapy session, I told t. something that I believe about me... something he described as a core belief... something I probably developed during early childhood that is incorrect....

Has anyone had any sucess changing a core belief? What things worked.... changing your thinking? inner child work?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Has anyone had any sucess changing a core belief? What things worked.... changing your thinking? inner child work?

Talking about it in therapy. EMDR. Having corrective and healing experiences with my therapist. I think how the therapist responds to you is big and can help so much. Therapist positive regard--they demonstrate firsthand by their actions and words that the client's core belief is not true. If you are swayed by "evidence", then the therapist can help you gather evidence that the belief is not true. All sorts of stuff...

Readytostop, what does your therapist think might help you change the belief?

I think for me, one thing that has helped is hearing T say the words out loud back to me. I remember once I said "I think it's my fault that my brother is a drug addict" because of one thing that I did in early childhood, and T said "you think that your brother is a drug addict because of this one event?" and when I heard him say it out loud, I realized...NO. Just that one moment transformed that belief.

Other things are harder. I had a core belief that I was unlovable. I still struggle with it. For me, talking about it...looking at where it came from (is there something unlovable about me, or were the people around me unable to love?), looking at the messages I tell myself about it...and allowing a different experience to happen (love from T, letting myself notice love from others) is slowly slowly changing that belief.

I told T today I wish there was one magic thing that would make things like core beliefs and triggers just STOP. Wow, do I wish that. But it seems like, for me, patience, work, openness to the idea of believing something else, and willingness to be vulnerable were all a big part of it.

((((((RTS))))))!!!

[Kozel]

EMDR, as my T described it, is a bit like 'lancing the boil'. I don't (personally) think that your core beliefs have to change, just how you respond to certain things. Our whole life, we are responding and being triggered by things that occurred in our formative years. For me, T is about changing that perception... i.e. if I go into the sandwich shop or the butchers and have a panic attack, it's not really about that shop or the people who work there, or even the customers, it's about something that happened to me once upon a time that I haven't been able (or given the opportunity) to work through before now.

My behaviours have changed through therapy though, and for the better

I read something in an article that someone had posted a link to on here. The most profound thing, that really stayed with me, was this: "Don't take anything personally: Nothing anybody says or does to you has anything to do with you. Each persons opinion is soley the product of their own life and reality. It's hard to imagine this. It's way easier to get offended, mad, or p****d off, or to internalize it & believe what they said. Rather than getting consumed by it, obsessed over it & letting it affect you, just let it go. Hear what they say, accept it is a reflection of their world and poof, see the thought disappear."

Its SOOO hard. I have had to change a lot of core beliefs. I have found that with some of them, I have just had to make the decision to change it. As in, "I am not going to believe X anymore... I am going to decide to believe Y instead." When X pops up in my mind, I tell myself, "I don't believe that anymore-- I believe Y instead."

It takes a while... but it does work for some things.

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

Its SOOO hard. I have had to change a lot of core beliefs. I have found that with some of them, I have just had to make the decision to change it. As in, "I am not going to believe X anymore... I am going to decide to believe Y instead." When X pops up in my mind, I tell myself, "I don't believe that anymore-- I believe Y instead."

It takes a while... but it does work for some things.

That reminds me...my T sometimes has me try to believe the "new" thing one out of ten times. So, if I have this dialogue in my head of "I'm unlovable", once every ten times, I really try to believe that the opposite is true.

My T works on this with me constantly. I'm not sure I can explain how he does this though as he never specifically says, "Okay, now lets do this or that to work on changing your mistaken beliefs." It is just the common thread that works under just about everything we do.

I know much of what we do is based in REBT/CBT techniques of holding up those beliefs to the light and testing them against reality. He really likes the book The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook, not so much because anxiety and phobias are an issue for me. They're not. But in the middle of that book are two chapters on self-talk and mistaken beliefs that are really excellent in their presentation of these issues. In the mistaken beliefs chapter, it gives you 5 questions to work through to challenge your mistaken beliefs:

1. What is the evidence for this belief? Looking objectively at all of your life experience, what is the evidence that this is true?
2. Does this belief invariably or always hold true for you?
3. Does this belief look at the whole picture? Does it take into account both positive and negative ramifications?
4. Does this belief promote your well-being and/or peace of mind?
5. Did you choose this belief on your own or did it develop out of your experience of growing up in your family?

I have journalled through these questions for hours at a time many times over the last few years. It is a process. Often a very slow process. But over time it becomes harder and harder to deny looking at events and the beliefs that sprung from them rationally. My T often says those old beliefs are a bad habit of thinking I developed many years ago. I have the power to choose to stop believing those irrational thoughts and to instead replace my thinking with beliefs about myself and the events that have unfolded in my life with beliefs that are healthier and based in reality. It's not a quick process though. It takes time and determination to constantly stay aware of what you are thinking (which has been difficult for me as I repress my thinking automatically. My T calls me the queen of repression).

So, be patient with yourself and the process. It won't happen overnight, but those old beliefs don't have to stay part of you forever. We don't have to stay stuck there.

[Perna]

Looking for examples in the present time where the core belief isn't true? For example, if you don't believe you have a sense of humor and catch yourself laughing; the more you catch yourself laughing and/or actual work at it, the more the seesaw of belief will tip the other way?

If you "know" it is incorrect; just kept telling yourself the opposite? I use to do that, when my T or husband (people whom I trust) told me something about myself I did not believe. It works kind of the same way; you tell yourself you have a good sense of humor and you will notice when it comes into play and eventually the weight of that evidence will change the balance of belief.

Originally Posted by treehouse

Other things are harder. I had a core belief that I was unlovable. I still struggle with it. For me, talking about it...looking at where it came from (is there something unlovable about me, or were the people around me unable to love?), looking at the messages I tell myself about it...and allowing a different experience to happen (love from T, letting myself notice love from others) is slowly slowly changing that belief.

I told T today I wish there was one magic thing that would make things like core beliefs and triggers just STOP. Wow, do I wish that. But it seems like, for me, patience, work, openness to the idea of believing something else, and willingness to be vulnerable were all a big part of it.

((((((RTS))))))!!!

Thanks so much Tree for sharing... I too have a similar core belief...that somehow I am defective and unloveable... I find that even when someone tells me that they love me...in my head I say things like "they are just saying that", etc... My mother used to tell me she loved me too...that kind of love I don't need...

ughhh..."the willingness to be vulnerable" is so hard and does not come naturally... I think willingness to walk across hot coals in bare feet would come more naturally for me...

It is going to be work...just to be aware of how I'm thinking or feeling...But it just feels like this is the root of a lot of my issues so I really want to do this...

It was helpful to read another post on the "inner child" and at my T. suggestion I found a picture of me at 5 years old. I forgot how little and young a five year old is...