when it goes bad, I'm glad!

Okay, so I had a pretty good session with a potential new T.

the truth is, I'm not all that comfortable with good. Sometimes, when therapy goes really badly, I'm actually okay with that. No wonder I stuck it out so long with a crappy therapist!

I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true. I figure, if therapy goes too well, too quickly, I will change at a pace that I'm not comfortable with. So I put the brakes on. Sometimes I even sabotage the therapy! I like change, but only up to a point...I mean let's not go overboard here

I know that sounds sick, but I thought that admitting it would be liberating.

I'm waiting for the liberating to start......

Great insight!! Being aware of what we are doing is very valuable.

i think that is a 'start'.. perhaps u may feel better every day, just thinking about it..

Well, I'm not proud of this....but thank you!!

You're doing so well on your own, do you even need a T? Seriously, from your posts here, you see to have/be getting a lot of insights into yourself. This is why we go into therapy, right? To figure ourselves out.

Yeah, change can be scary. And I'm not sure we know just how we'll be changing. Probably way out of our comfort zone. It's not sick at all - it makes sense to me. But maybe that's not saying too much ....

I do get a lot of insights into myself...thanks....my problem is intimacy issues, which I am trying (dipping my toe into) to understand via T and I decided that likely wouldn't happen with a male T..or at least the male T that I had. I think that's why I'm trying new Ts who have some grrl power and can help me deal around that stuff....

Been years since I've been in a relationship and I wonder if it will EVER happen again. I get out, do fun things, travel, have lots of friends but am....pretty frightened of getting involved at that level again. Sometimes I think I need a premiere dating service rather than a shrink! Honestly though, my dating disasters were enough to send me into therapy and since I never felt comfortable with my old T discussing it, there's a lot that's been deferred! ....LOL!

Interesting that you have intimacy issues - that's exactly what I'm dealing with. And that's why I chose a male T this time. I had two female T's years ago for short periods, and we made a lot of progress on other things, but now I'm down to the core issue of intimacy. I could talk to a woman T about it, but I need to experience it with a man. Apparently there's a lot I never got from my father. My T is trying very hard to build up emotional intimacy with me, but I keep backing away. It's coming across in my dreams loud and clear, so I know this is important. It's terrifying, but I'm stubborn. At my age, I'm running out of time, and it's now or never. An interesting journey ... if I survive it Glad you seem to have found a T that you can work with!

Nice insight mcl.

I remember being overwhelmed a bit at some first therapy sessions (many years ago) where the t kind of implied there was a lot of potential, and I probably let myself get too excited about it. I didn't end up sticking with it for long in those days. I guess it's hard to balance expectations and positive changes with not changing faster than we can handle, but since it sounds like you already know that, and you know you need to let the changes happen with good t, you're headed the right way. Good for you!