Inner child?

So actually is all we are talking about memories from different points in time and those memories are not just pictures, but have the same thought / feeling quality as we would have had at those times? And in order to access them and process them we need to use fantasy to put ourselves back there? How does this differ from regression therapy?

I'm not sure there is much value as viewing the inner child as a separate and distinct part of you as an adult. I don't see the her and me. I see the her in me.

I mean I get the theory behind it, but the two (child and adult) are the same person.

I'm not sure you can pull out the inner child and treat her, I think the treatment should be of the adult sitting and present today.

I can certainly go back and envision myself as a child, and feel the things I went through then, and even offer comfort, but I use those reflections to improve myself as an adult and to comfort myself as an adult.

Maybe the inner child is a safe place to deflect fear and pain. Like separating it from what we feel now? If that's the case, then, I'm sorry, but I can't see that as anything but another hurdle to overcome.

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:11

Those experiences don't go away but blend together to make who we are as adults?

I remember when we'd go to the beach and, as a child, I'd run to get in the water, couldn't understand the adults wanting to stretch out on the beach instead of spend all their time in the water? I won't even put on a bathing suit anymore, never mind running to get in the water but that experience is still with me; I don't like/dislike the water any more/less but a whole lot of other experiences have entered so that relatively straight-forward experience I had at 6 is a lot more complex at 60. Working with one's inner child, one can re-explore that approach to "water", it hasn't gone anywhere it's just that the multitude of additional stuff has hidden it so it's harder to pay attention to.

regression therapy is a therapy approach that utilizes hypnosis. the client is hypnotized then slowly age regressed until they reach a certain unconscious point that they are seeking out to understand and take care of unconscious problems that is interfering with their life.

example Stan wants to stop smoking but everything he tried isnt working and he has no idea why smoking is so important to him, he does not have any conscious memories around how he started to smoke, he goes to a hypnotherapist who puts him under hypnosis, slowly age regresses him from age 53 down to an 8 yr old where he reaches the point where he began smoking. He finds out the reason he began smoking is because someeone forced him to do it under threat of harm. Now he understands why he has such a strong need for smoking. the hypnotist gives him a new hypnotic suggestion to wipe away that fear that if he stops smoking he will die and then age progresses him back to his normal age along with the hypnotic suggestion that he will remember why he started smoking and that its ok to quit doing that now. After Stan is brought out of hypnosis he makes a plan and succeeds in eliminating smoking from his life.

the difference between age regression therapy and the inner child -

the inner child is a feeling / emotion. it isnt literally being age regressed, working out an unconscious problem and then being progressed back like age regression therapy. in the inner child hypnosis isnt utilized and it deals with conscious memories that you already know about.

the inner child technique is closer to experiencing PTSD flashbacks. you are not really those ages you just feel those ages..

eating an apple the other day I felt like I did when I was 5 yrs old when I bit into an apple and my front tooth came out - excited because the tooth fairy was coming to leave me a quarter.

This morning I felt like I did when my dog died when I was 8 sad and like I wanted to cry.

while on my honeymoon I kept feeling panicky. Im a woman and was now married to a woman, when I was growing up you didnt marry the same sex and you were looked at as being weird,abnormal. When I was about 14 I had fallen is silent love with my best friend. when she found out I had a crush on her she called me names. while on my honeymoon I periodically experienced that same shame I felt then. I reminded myself that I was doing no wrong, I wasnt that 14 yr old any more and it is now legally acceptable in my state to love and marry the same sex.

the inner child is like the saying you are as young as you feel and as old as you feel. occasionally like with having flashbacks the feelings / emotions we felt as children come back to haunt us.

hmm I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of this-I guess because I'm in the midst of doing this type of work as a part of my therapy...I get that some do not see the value in the separation and the use of "me and her", but it honestly has been healing for me and I feel I almost have to defend this technique-and I wish that I could have T help me to explain-or if I even had the right words for how it is when she is in the room or what we are doing to facilitate all this, but ultimately if I decided if it's working for me and T can do it in a way that provides safety, space and knows what he is doing...I'm okay with it-she is okay with it too

HI delicatefade,

thanks for sharing that you are doing this work and that it is helpful to separate the two - yes it appears that there are people on both sides as far as this is concerned. As I have said elsewhere I have major trust issues, many of these going back to me as a child, so I have been thinking that the reason why I do not feel comfortable separating the two, is because it may make me ("her") fell terribly vulnerable - I am much more comfortable thinking in terms of memories - so maybe I have some way to go in the trust department. Also I feel I have been able to "reinvent" myself and really hate that time in my life, I hate "her" and really don't want to have anything to do with "her" - I have read that for some, their "inner child" dies and I think that is what I hope for.

I do see the benefit (I think) with discovering your inner child and engaging with them to facilitate healing. However, I find it extremely uncomfortable. I can't help but imagine that too many fears, distress, whatever are going to engulf me and I'll just spiral out of control into that deep dark place of no return. I unconsiously shut down when T tries this work with me, although she's very gentle and takes everything very slowly, it's so, so hard to go there. I too have big trust issues and letting my child part out takes me to a place where I feel much too exposed.

I could have written this myself - my T also goes very slowly with me and we have practiced imaginary safe places to go to - but I also shut down - I am getting slightly better at not doing this, but get very frustrated with myself when I do - it feels such a wasted session.

I have a very loud inner critic....and just the other day, I had the image of a small, young, scared girl...and I thought that she was my inner critic...but am now realizing that perhaps she is my inner child who was affected by my inner critic.

I can't seem to yet refer to her as a part of me. It is much easier for me to share about her when she's a separate person. In my therapy, the goal is to become whole. To find the parts of ourselves that we've blocked off and to reintegrate them.

So, perhaps the step of making "her" a part of "me" comes later in the process.

I've never considered the inner child thing. I've always thought people use it as an excuse for immature behaviours -until I read this thread. Now I'll have to think about it some more..

Childhood is for development so that when you become an adult you have successfully gone through all of the developmental stages and are totally an adult emotionally. If you didn't get a need met, you are still stuck back there. Some of the needs/stages are trust, autonomy, initiative, competence, identity, intimacy (Erickson's stages of development). If you had some bad experiences you are really going to get stuck back there if you weren't able to process them soon after. Feelings are meant to be expressed not stored. If bad things happened to you and you couldn't express the feelings these things stay with you and keep you stuck at that age.