[lastyearisblank]

Well, that was not astonishing, but I guess it was helpful.

It was a first appointment. That is how the first appointment is supposed to go, right.

First there was the waiting room. Then there was the meeting. The annoying dumb history taking. The leaving. "ok, bye!"

I tried to get as much info as I could out of the T just because I wanted to know if we could work together well. For her I got the sense she was listening so hard that she didn't really take the opportunity to formulate a plan.

I pretty much have to admit I was nervous and not really sure how much to share.

She was like, do you want to have CBT? Talk therapy? A combination of the two? (She does both). I honestly do not want to sit through the beginning of CBT, I know all the "thought distortions" and stuff by heart. It is too basic and I would feel terrible giving my money and giving the time and effort but not really getting a benefit.

What do you guys think on this board? (Yes I seriously want to know!) Do you think CBT or talk therapy would be better?

I told her some stuff that I knew she was going to judge negatively and she did. That is ok. I really want to know what she thinks. I wish there had been more of that. But it was polite, the beginning.

We didn't get along like gangbusters but it was fairly sound. I am not sure about what meeting more will actually accomplish so I feel like I now need to develop a plan. It's weird I don't know if I want to waste my time in therapy. I feel so anti expressive today, hehe. Can't even really explain it.

I know what it was. There was a lot of talking about feelings... but no emotional contact or moment of like "FOOM! that makes sense!" I hope the whole thing won't be that way because it was like unsatisfying.

[skysblue]

It was only the first appointment. How could you emote when you don't even know the person yet? Since you have had a lot experience with therapy you have some preconceived ideas. Some of those are good - like not having a T abuse you, etc. etc. But if you're thinking you like this T, just try to go with the flow and see what kind of bond you build with her.

My T says that she doesn't worry about methodology. Those are just her toolkit and she pulls out what is needed at the moment.

What's most important is the relationship you build with her. Maybe work on that first and try not to be so controlling. (Yep, I know - coming from me that's an amazing statement)

Relax and try not to analyze so much. Just 'feel'. This is one thing i've learned in therapy. Trust your feelings.

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah!!!!!!!!!
I feel almost... I don't know how to describe this but I feel like she was nervous!
Like she was almost... uh.... sitting on her hands most of the time. I do that when I get nervous.
I think I will definitely try and work on not being controlling, skysblue ( I don't see you being that way at all, by the way!). It is hard because I want to get an A+ in therapy, you know? Well, perhaps you know what I mean here
Yeah, there were no "danger signals" at all from this person. It's worth a shot!

[lastyearisblank]

Dude I am having an actual panic attack right now. Chest pains and everything! This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rainbow_rose]

hope this doesn't sound lame, but...

b r e a t h e

(yeah, anxiety sucks )

[Perna]

I think it is hard for both T and client, the first few times when each person is trying to get to know the other a bit to see if they can work together; you have expectations and she's aware of that and afraid to let you down, too probably!

I saw my T after 10 years away from having seen her and our first session then was hard; even though we'd known one another pretty well, 10 years previously! I knew I wanted to work with her, why I had called her, etc. so you'd think I wouldn't be nervous but it was heck both waiting for my session (she was just going out of town for two weeks when I originally called her and set up the first appointment) and after the first session, noticing changes in 10 years and wondering at myself and her and what we'd said and if it would all work. It's hard just to "establish" therapy so it can happen I think.

I'd go with a combination of CBT and talk and make sure you tell her you know the basics so she doesn't work to go over stuff you already are aware of.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Dude I am having an actual panic attack right now. Chest pains and everything! This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh no, what's going on? Take deep breaths!!

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

hope this doesn't sound lame, but...

b r e a t h e

(yeah, anxiety sucks )

Thank you!!!!

[lastyearisblank]

I really hope so. I hope I did not make her nervous (could this possibly be possible? I tried so hard to be gentle). Well, I guess there's that old joke.... Rational person: the universe is expanding and the planets are rushing away from each other... Me: was it something I said?

I think a combo is the way we will go actually. We will use process of elimination most likely (which I hate, because it's so inefficient) but I hope we hit on something.

We spent a long time talking about the different methodologies (she wasn't sure either) and I think we felt most comfortable agreeing that the situation is not that pressing and probably any mode would work. (isn't there a study to that effect anyway)....

Thx for letting me process guys

Originally Posted by Perna

I think it is hard for both T and client, the first few times when each person is trying to get to know the other a bit to see if they can work together; you have expectations and she's aware of that and afraid to let you down, too probably!

I saw my T after 10 years away from having seen her and our first session then was hard; even though we'd known one another pretty well, 10 years previously! I knew I wanted to work with her, why I had called her, etc. so you'd think I wouldn't be nervous but it was heck both waiting for my session (she was just going out of town for two weeks when I originally called her and set up the first appointment) and after the first session, noticing changes in 10 years and wondering at myself and her and what we'd said and if it would all work. It's hard just to "establish" therapy so it can happen I think.

I'd go with a combination of CBT and talk and make sure you tell her you know the basics so she doesn't work to go over stuff you already are aware of.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Oh no, what's going on? Take deep breaths!!

Ah it's ok!!!!!!! But.... this is the last time I schedule therapy so early in the day! It makes work IMPOSSIBLE.

[Perna]

Yeah, your mind just keeps going and you're supposed to be concentrating on the work; I always made it last thing in the day/left work and didn't come back -- on a Friday afternoon when I could!

[beautiful.mess]

Well, I have no advice for the CBT vs talk vs combo BUT!!! kudos to you for going forth and doing this all over again. It's so friggin' hard to do that. I agree with what skysblue said in that just put your energies into establishing a relationship right now; that's the most important thing anyway, right?

Lotsa hugs to you!

[Wren_]

((((((((((((LYIB)))))))))))))))) well done for going and for all the things you are talking about here and trying to process ... as far as what would work best for you; I think you need to work out what it is you really need and go from there (and isn't it hard to know, and if we knew maybe we wouldn't need T as much! lol)

Ok, so you know the basic ideas behind CBT, have looked at things like all the different ways our thoughts can trip us up and different troubling thinking styles eg. black and white thinkng; mind reading; turning wants into needs etc. and tried experiments and evidence based reasoning with identified thoughts and so on, and so on. You know the techniques; but are you still applying and working with them? and did/do you find any of it helpful?

Are there areas you can identify you would like to work on, and where cbt could help? would talking help or do you think it would be a case of "ok I talked and talked but so what" (which is where I was the other week), or that talking would be a relief/release. Are you wanting advice and helpful suggestions; or wanting a listener and to share? All of those kinds of questions (and answers) will help if you want CBT/Talk therapy or a combination of both or something else.

Is there anything that does help .... that could be packaged in a way that would work for you .. that you have any idea of that is?

There's a bunch of other therapy styles as well like body psychotherapy, gesalt, nlp and so on and then all the things I haven't tried like the EMDR and that family systems thing Rainbow does, plus a few million others I guess.

What is important for you? that your T is there for you and will respond out of session? that there is backup inbetween or are you thinking just in session is enough?

Do you need help with anxiety; or feel you know how to ground already and that would be a waste of time/money. Maybe think about what you've already learnt, the skills you have, what you like and dislike about therapy and write a list of all of this to work it out?

And sorry for all these questions but hopefully thinking about some of them will help you work out what you want

[learning1]

I don't know btwn cbt or talk therapy. sorry. that's probably good you agreed not to worry about it. does she seem talkative or quiet? what kind of credential/training does she have? I'm just being nosy and curious- no need to answer that. That's just some stuff I'm interested to know when I meet a t.

Oh and good for you for telling her stuff you thought she'd judge negatively. Sorry you felt like she did- if you didn't want her to. I think you were brave to do that.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by Perna

Yeah, your mind just keeps going and you're supposed to be concentrating on the work; I always made it last thing in the day/left work and didn't come back -- on a Friday afternoon when I could!

Absolutely. The day has to be different. There's no way.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by beautiful.mess

Well, I have no advice for the CBT vs talk vs combo BUT!!! kudos to you for going forth and doing this all over again. It's so friggin' hard to do that. I agree with what skysblue said in that just put your energies into establishing a relationship right now; that's the most important thing anyway, right?

Lotsa hugs to you!

Thank you beautiful mess! Believe me, support is very helpful! I appreciate it.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

((((((((((((LYIB)))))))))))))))) well done for going and for all the things you are talking about here and trying to process ... as far as what would work best for you; I think you need to work out what it is you really need and go from there (and isn't it hard to know, and if we knew maybe we wouldn't need T as much! lol)

Ok, so you know the basic ideas behind CBT, have looked at things like all the different ways our thoughts can trip us up and different troubling thinking styles eg. black and white thinkng; mind reading; turning wants into needs etc. and tried experiments and evidence based reasoning with identified thoughts and so on, and so on. You know the techniques; but are you still applying and working with them? and did/do you find any of it helpful?

Are there areas you can identify you would like to work on, and where cbt could help? would talking help or do you think it would be a case of "ok I talked and talked but so what" (which is where I was the other week), or that talking would be a relief/release. Are you wanting advice and helpful suggestions; or wanting a listener and to share? All of those kinds of questions (and answers) will help if you want CBT/Talk therapy or a combination of both or something else.

Is there anything that does help .... that could be packaged in a way that would work for you .. that you have any idea of that is?

There's a bunch of other therapy styles as well like body psychotherapy, gesalt, nlp and so on and then all the things I haven't tried like the EMDR and that family systems thing Rainbow does, plus a few million others I guess.

What is important for you? that your T is there for you and will respond out of session? that there is backup inbetween or are you thinking just in session is enough?

Do you need help with anxiety; or feel you know how to ground already and that would be a waste of time/money. Maybe think about what you've already learnt, the skills you have, what you like and dislike about therapy and write a list of all of this to work it out?

And sorry for all these questions but hopefully thinking about some of them will help you work out what you want

Yes. Hehehehe!!!!!!! These are the ultimate questions... all of them, neatly wrapped into one post. (Thank you for askng such good questions tg). I will think about these because they are so hard... but well, I feel like CBT is less risky because it involves some objective progress and homework. The thing is... I feel very strange being asked to set the pace, choose the mode of working, heck I think I am basically choosing my own diagnosis. I mean after like a sum total of I think three hours worth of looking over intake material, I feel like my therapist should have had some opinion. It just really hit home for me that people are all individuals and maybe they are best suited to solve their own problems (with a little help from their friends I guess...)

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by learning1

I don't know btwn cbt or talk therapy. sorry. that's probably good you agreed not to worry about it. does she seem talkative or quiet? what kind of credential/training does she have? I'm just being nosy and curious- no need to answer that. That's just some stuff I'm interested to know when I meet a t.

Oh and good for you for telling her stuff you thought she'd judge negatively. Sorry you felt like she did- if you didn't want her to. I think you were brave to do that.

She seemed holding back her impressions whether they were good or bad. She seemed understanding things, but holding it back. I asked her like, "what do you think of all the things that i am telling you? What is your impression?" and she said all of her impressions then, at the end (we were running over). And she was like, "i feel you were hesitant this whole time talking to me and I didn't get the real story." Weird.

Thank you for calling me brave!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think everyone on this forum is brave, yourself included learning. We can be therapy comrades if you like, hehehehehe!

[learning1]

Oh good, we can be therapy comrades. lol. let's keep it secret from our t's.

hmm, saying she didn't get the whole story might be kind of a safe answer... no one can tell the whole story in one session, right?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

She was like, do you want to have CBT? Talk therapy? A combination of the two?

I find that a strange question because I thought CBT was a type of talk therapy. When she says "talk therapy", what "flavor" does she mean if not CBT? She will provide CBT talk therapy vs. ______ talk therapy, but what goes in the blank? Other types of talk therapy include psychodynamic, humanistic, gestalt, interpersonal, existential, ego state, etc. And there is good old "eclectic" too, meaning the therapist draws on a number of different types of therapy in their efforts.

I think as she gets to know you better, she will know better what therapeutic techniques will be beneficial to you. It's different for every client, depending not only on their personality but what issues they have.

A clinical psychologist told me once that in her experience CBT helps about 50% of people who are depressed, which is also what the literature reports. (I'm not sure this is relevant to you as I don't know if depression is why you are seeking help from a therapist.) She has a higher success rate with interpersonal therapy so that is usually her default mode of therapy until she gets to know the client and might switch if it seems CBT is a better fit.

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I told her some stuff that I knew she was going to judge negatively and she did.

That doesn't sound good! It can be hard to open up with someone who is being judgmental. Maybe, as you said, she was just nervous.

Maybe you can just go for a few sessions and get to know each other before deciding exactly what sort of techniques she will use. If I went to see a T and they had a detailed plan at the end of the session without even knowing me, I would be suspicious and think they were using a "one size fits all" approach, so I am glad your new T does not seem to be like that. I think, overall, your first session sounded pretty promising! I hope you will stick with it for a least a couple more sessions and get to know her better so you can tell if it will be a good fit or not. Good luck.

[lastyearisblank]

I am truly not sure what type of therapy she meant!

One thing that I've realized from being in therapy in the past is if you are dealing with genuinely difficult life situations, like being dumped, being in an unhealthy relationship, having power struggles at work, etc, is that I feel like sometimes the therapist genuinely has no idea what to do, especially if they have been through the same situation. They would be feeling bad too probably if it were them!

So their options are basically to be like "yeah that sucks," which anyone could do without a degree in psychology. Or sometimes they can blame you and be like "it's your fault! you have made bad choices!" Like when i was telling this T about my job issues and my issues in past relationships I feel like there was this awkward moment where she didn't know what to do and she settled on "well there were choices that you could have made to avoid being in that situation which you can learn from therapy." And then I feel like we looked at each other and we were like "aaaand what now."

But yeah I will try a couple of sessions, I concur! I want to be able to talk about these life issues in a real way and really start to iron out some of these wrinckles. If my T is a really insightful and smart person (which she seems) then hopefully we can start to eliminate some of this distress/pain that I feel sometimes by getting together and really trying to understand life. But then again, if not it's no biggie... she just seems nice but not that sure what to do and i may have to cancel next session but will get back in there soon for sure.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I find that a strange question because I thought CBT was a type of talk therapy. When she says "talk therapy", what "flavor" does she mean if not CBT? She will provide CBT talk therapy vs. ______ talk therapy, but what goes in the blank? Other types of talk therapy include psychodynamic, humanistic, gestalt, interpersonal, existential, ego state, etc. And there is good old "eclectic" too, meaning the therapist draws on a number of different types of therapy in their efforts.

I think as she gets to know you better, she will know better what therapeutic techniques will be beneficial to you. It's different for every client, depending not only on their personality but what issues they have.

A clinical psychologist told me once that in her experience CBT helps about 50% of people who are depressed, which is also what the literature reports. (I'm not sure this is relevant to you as I don't know if depression is why you are seeking help from a therapist.) She has a higher success rate with interpersonal therapy so that is usually her default mode of therapy until she gets to know the client and might switch if it seems CBT is a better fit.

That doesn't sound good! It can be hard to open up with someone who is being judgmental. Maybe, as you said, she was just nervous.

Maybe you can just go for a few sessions and get to know each other before deciding exactly what sort of techniques she will use. If I went to see a T and they had a detailed plan at the end of the session without even knowing me, I would be suspicious and think they were using a "one size fits all" approach, so I am glad your new T does not seem to be like that. I think, overall, your first session sounded pretty promising! I hope you will stick with it for a least a couple more sessions and get to know her better so you can tell if it will be a good fit or not. Good luck.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by sunrise

If I went to see a T and they had a detailed plan at the end of the session without even knowing me, I would be suspicious and think they were using a "one size fits all" approach, so I am glad your new T does not seem to be like that.

Oh yeah, and by the way this is a very good point. I guess you can stick very closely to a method or a one size fits all type of therapy or take the time to develop a plan, and there are pros and cons to each. Though I think it's a bit like those detective shows on TV... sometimes if it takes too long for the payoff to come I get bored..