[beauflow]

((Everyone))

so this last week off of lamictal - feeling better, only regulerish mood swings, with a touch of just like-- Just be me get irritable spouts but it is ok... they are usually passing, which is awesome.
Ehh well wait Thursday into Friday it was like all shift at work agitated and anxiety but it was ok-- I did not yell at anyone right?? Just snappy, straight forward and like this is bs..... It has snowed a lot so-- I took off Friday..Which is like whatever to take off a day now-- my "yob" is doing furloughs again... YAY (sarcasm i say)-But to be honest, it was nice- I did not have to deal with these "guests" that we are having at work which are rude, and I did not have to see a co-worker that I get rather upset with (triggers my anger with how he is) and another that just does not care which makes me feel like slapping myself and other people (lol)-- Even talk to some of the company people- they encourage me to do my bear minimal (still do my job per say) and stop being used by these upper people due to they are just using me and it is just the corporation way!!!.. that is so nice

School... Will be looking into-- I need to get over my fear with failure with this-- Everyone I talk to about what I want to go for, says it would be a good fit (even my T- and I do think she is being honest, cuz I told her what I went to school for a short term program and she was like-- ehh that has a lot of surprises Beauflow,).... I know, I know....

Hand Made items-- nothing has sold, but whatever-- I still will create, let the items expire if they don't sell, and then find gifts to give to people I guess.... but will still try.

Doctor stuff- Still have not went in, need to .. My back when I breath when I awake from actual sleep has sharp pains that goes away (as in sharp pains when i breath in).

and today and tomorrow-- I am going to just try to BE

Keep trying to tell me good things here lately (my head does not get in illusions with it right now, so i think that is a good thing).

Snow- I don't think i will be driving anytime soon (like I sort feel like being ambitious and doing it but then not at the same time-- it is odd) BUT i did not freak out in the car while my boyfriend was driving, Kept saying he was a great driver, and accidents happen if one does, but he is a great driver!!!

Right now I do feel fine... which is so great from the like 3 weeks in January of either rapid cycling, mixed state, and falling back wards a few steps.....

[healed84]

Not good.... I know I could call T, but all he is going to do is tell me to go to ER or urgent care and get meds. I was on the way out the door to urgent care earlier , until we locked ourselves out of the house.. Husband had his key chain with no house key, my key chain was in the house. During the incident, my husband let his true feelings out about my anxiety and getting meds and let me tell you they weren't good. How they came out during argument about being locked out I have no clue. But they did, and now I am just pissed and feeling guilty about all of my anxiety and having to take meds, and go to T.

I am currently trying to do everything I can to keep a panic attack from coming.. I just don't want to have another one, but I can't get my mind off of the irrational stupid thoughts!! Back to more cleaning now, hoping it takes my mind off of everything.

[vanessaG]

Healed84- I'm sorry... ((hugs))) does your husband not agree to you taking the meds or what is going on with your anxiety?

[healed84]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

Healed84- I'm sorry... ((hugs))) does your husband not agree to you taking the meds or what is going on with your anxiety?

I have no clue, really. He just kept on referring to the meds that I was going to get as "drugs" like I need to get my drugs in a deragatory sense.. if that makes any sense at all. Like, I can't be normal w/o them and he doesn't like that. Which, the stupid thing is, we were talking about thearpy this week and he was more pissed that T hasn't taught me what to do DURING and panic attack and wth was I paying this guy for. I tried to explain that there isn't much that can be done during an attack, but I am learning ways to keep them away.. and meds are one of those options. So, when I told him about the meds.. he said well heck take the meds and quit thearpy. I said it doesn't work like that. I need the meds, go to thearpy and work on restructuring my thoughts. Then, hopefully I can get off meds at some point.

He is very much a black and white type person.. its all or nothing with him. So, b/c I have an area in my life that has irrational thoughts and can't keep control of them, that I can't be rational in all areas of life and that I am messed up. I get that he is filling jipped out of a wife, I am not myself and I haven't been myself for a while now and it is only get worse. So, I can see where his frustration comes from. It just sucks, that he says he supports me, but when push comes to shove he has all kinds of negative things to say about the situation. Sorry.. that got long, I just really needed to get it all out.

[nicoleb2]

I'm feeling pretty low. yesterday was a bad day. parts of today were ok, but as a whole the day sucked. Really triggered by a few things. want to disappear

[greengrasshopper]

Just a thought, at what point did I loose faith in myself?

[Nelliecat]

Am ok considering but a bit narked that a recent thread I posted appears to have been hijacked. These things happen I suppose.

[WePow]

Still not dissociated. Wed will make three weeks intigrated. This is tripping me out for sure. I wrote my T yesterday and asked for a reply but none yet. I get that. But on the inside I am at a place I never been before. In a way it feels like he thinks I dont needhim now. IDK. I want to not need T. Now it feels like I dont have him.
I am healing inside but the pure exhaustion from all of this is so deep.
I am empty.

[Nelliecat]

Feeling absolutely worn out. Haven't done an awful lot today but of course my head is absolutely full of T thoughts, especially after last week's change of boundaries. Got my next session on Tuesday and feel scared actually.

Another decent day, I must be on a roll!

I just have to master the art of not blushing before my session on Tuesday...

[kaliope]

Hey guys, somebody better think about starting a new thread before this one reaches 999 and they shut it down. Last time they felt it did not belong in this forum and wanted it moved so the sooner we start a new one the less questions there will be about it.

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I had been bobbing about peacefully in my boat, but today I am becoming more and more aware of the danger that lurks beneath - I really don't want it to return.

I too have a vision of feeling as if i am floating along in a boat, but not peacefully, just feeling at the mercy of the waves, never quite stable as the boat rocks back and forth with my every move. Never thought about the danger that lurks beneath. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by Switch

Here... I walked through the old building I use to do most of my classes in, and I ended up passing a lot of people from my old program... and they were all laughing and having fun and didn't even notice me while I walked by. I know if I was still in that program I would have, but now I just feel so excluded and alone. It's really sad, but I feel like my only friends are the internet and my family.

Switch, my family is the people i work with and my internet friends. The people i went to school with....all they bring back is bad memories. That is where i had my breakdown. I went to a meeting there, attending by the teachers and students trying to save the program, i was invited, but it brought back all the old memories of feeling unsupported and triggered my ptsd in the most awful way. i am having thoughts of getting my masters, but i would have to get it another way, there is no way to protect my mental health and return there.

Originally Posted by Nelliecat

Know what? If you don't care you can't get hurt can you?

Nellie, it is good to see you. While this statement makes sense, I dont know if it is possible. How can we stop caring. I think a better phrase to replace it with is "its not about me" because in most situations where we end up getting hurt by the word and actions of others, it really isnt about us, its really about them, something they cant deal with that they are projecting onto us. we still care about what they say and it hurts, but when we realize what they say isnt really about us, we can remove that hurt.

I have been feeling anxious lately, dont know about what, but that pressure in my chest has been everpresent. i took a klonopin today to see if it would go away. i took action over one thing that has been creating anxiety- my dirty carpets. i bought a steam cleaner and cleaned my carpet. i was surprised by how easy the dirt came up. i am feeling much better now not feeling as if i have ruined it and wont get my security deposit back.

adding a lot to my plate becoming a CASA volunteer and now looking at developing another program for work. my grant is up for renewal and we havent heard whether it has been renewed or not. certain it will be, but last year they cut us by a lot and figure this year they will cut it again. my hours will definately go down. i have to find another source of income.

well i hope everybody is doing well. hugs to all.

[shoez]

I see after tomorrow....mixed feelings.

[PleaseHelp]

Sorry I haven't been around much. Hugs to all who are struggling.

My main goal lately is trying to keep my head above water. And the 3 week long headache, that included a 4 day migraine (for which I had to get shots for), can GO AWAY!

We received news that our family friend who has been in the hospital for the last four weeks trying to stave off premature delivery of twins went into labor and delivered their sons last night at 23 weeks. The baby that had been without amniotic fluid all this time passed away fairly quickly. The other baby is 1 lb. 2 oz. He has given them some scares, but is fighting. Raising up many prayers.

[kaliope]

Hey guys, I started a new thread for vol III of daily roll call. as i said, when they shut it down the last time, they thought it was inappropriate for this forum so i think it best we start a new thread before it gets shut down to not risk losing it.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...60#post2222960

i hope this takes you to it. i have never inserted a link before. anyway, if it doesnt work, it goes by the same title, just Vol III.

hugs to all. kali...........hope to see you there.........

Originally Posted by kaliope

Hey guys, somebody better think about starting a new thread before this one reaches 999 and they shut it down. Last time they felt it did not belong in this forum and wanted it moved so the sooner we start a new one the less questions there will be about it. hugs to all.

Should have caught this thread sooner. I didn't and I apologize. We close all threads after 100 pages (1000 posts) due to server issues and loading times.

Cheers!

As well, in the future this really isn't a Psychotherapy-related topic even if it's given the title as it is. So future threads should not be created since it doesn't have to do with psychotherapy.

This is the message that was given when they shut down the original one I started back in July 2011. I guess they changed their minds because it is still going strong!

[Christina86]

100 pages, please start a new thread if you want to continue.