Should I?

So I haven't had any contact with my T since the 10th and I miss him so terribly bad I almost feel like I've lost him-that he won't respond back to my email about our next session-that he will get back from his trip and say he can no longer see me...and I'm having such a hard time remembering what it's like to sit with him (I know it hasn't been that long) but it hurts and feels painful...I want to hear from him in some way...I feel like he is slipping from me and I feel desperate...but I don't know if I should email him tonight or not-I don't want to be a pain...I just would even like an email back say HI...I want him so much right now I feel bad for being so needy and I don't want him to be annoyed...I just need something from him...I wish so much he could read me a bedtime story tonight and rub my back while I fall asleep (since I KNOW that won't ever happen) I just feel so lost right now...okay sorry so long....should I email?

I told my T once that time=distance, that the longer she was away, the farther away she seemed to be. That isn't true, of course, but that's the way it seemed.

I also have told T upon her return about my fantasies - that she will decide while away to not return, that she will decide while away to choose another line of work immediately upon her return, that she will have time to think about me as a patient and decide to terminate me or refer me to someone else immediately upon her return.. all the same basic fantasy that is about wanting and needing her and all that is involved. When she went all the way to Europe I thought I was going to need life support.

T always returns. My fantasies and thoughts are just my fantasies and thoughts and nothing more. She once shared with me that she does think about patients when she is away and she looks forward to returning.

Talk to your T when he returns about how you felt while he was away. It will be an opportunity for him to reassure you and for you to learn more about you.

If you email him with a brief note and a request for a reply (with a note to self that he may or may not reply), it might make you feel better.

when will you see T next? i know it is so hard.can you e-mail him . as you can see if you read any of my posts my T and i have bunches of breaks almost once a month.sometimes i do ok others like this month not so well.when i am doing ok and miss her or want to think about her i make her a card.i write her a letter but dont send it.i write in my journal and i came here.i also try to keep busy when i think of her i go outside for a walk go on a day trip.i depend on my hubby a lot to help me through even though he dont know it .he does well.do you have someone IRL that can help distract you?anyway i know this probibly isn't all that helpfull i dont always know what to say but i want to let you know just like you all let me know you are NOT ALONE.keep posting it helps

I once had to go away on business, and I had this crazy idea that if I did, T would die.

She didn't.

Yeah, when anyone else that I know travels it doesn't cross my mind that they might die but my T leaving stimulated that thought. Well, she is going to a 3rd world country so maybe that's part of it. I advised her to avoid terrorists, tropical diseases and jungle animals.

Oh wow...I have to say-I forgot about this thread-when I reread it-it sent a shock of anxiety through me and a lot of other emotions...woah! It's crazy b/c so much has happened since this thread...weird!!

So, we CAN move away from anxiety, right? And then return.. But leave it behind again?

Well I guess well see how long it takes for me to get rid of this triggered anxity tonight...

What worked last time?

I had a session with T and we talked about it...still working on this intense fear of abandonment and what to do when I feel this anxiety (instead of hurting myself)...I wish I had not read this tonight
but I guess I made it through that time...still tough though