[skycastle]

What I want to say:

-I feel ******
-I'm too anxious to schedule an appointment with the front desk because I'm mortified by the last interaction I had with the receptionist
-I know better than this
-But I'm scared by how I feel, and I thought it might help to talk to you, or leave you a message, or something
-I haven't seen you in a month and it sucks
-My head is spinning in circles
-I want to hurt myself today for the first time in a very, very long time

I don't think my T is the kind to communicate over the phone... and I'm concerned I'm just doing this for attention. Could I ride this out? Yes. Yes, I could, of course. Is that the best decision for me? I'm not sure. I hurt inside. I want help. This may be the only way I know how to ask for it right now. At least, the only way that I'll follow through on.

I know all these things I can do--coping strategies, or whatever. Running. Talking to friends. Drinking beer (lol, I made that one up). Cleaning, showering, going on with my day like everything is normal. I KNOW these.

The problem is that I"m frozen and I'm not doing them even though I know them.

Uhgh. Advice, anyone? My T is totally not the type to have extended conversations over the phone. I don't know what to do. I haven't been to therapy in over a month. I keep thinking I'll schedule an appointment tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. But I never schedule it, and I feel worse each day. But I feel so detached from it. Like, whatever I could say over the phone... I would never say it to her face.

Sigh.

A rant, I guess. *knock knock* Anyone out there?

[Wren_]

Phone
If you can talk for awhile, great if not at the very least you can tell your T you need to schedule asap but can't do it through the receptionist so can your T help
Call now and see what happens

Phone. If nothing else you could schedule an appointment through her, right?

[skycastle]

[alwaysrejoice]

call her. my T talked me down a few weeks ago over the phone.

[Hope-Full]

Call her. If anything, you can let her know how you are feeling and what you are going through right NOW. Or if the feeling has passed, call and let her know what you WENT through, just so she is aware. I have found sometimes it is just helpful for me to know my T is aware of what I'm dealing with, even though I don't talk to T on the phone about it. (My T only calls me back if I specificially ask for a call back, but I can always leave messages and just check in on voicemail if I need to.)

Call. Better to call and say "I'm in a sucky place and want you to know. I need to schedule an appointment with you." then say and do nothing and feel even worse later.

[(JD)]

Call! But, no, few therapists do therapy over the phone. Do we talk and help you become stable enough to get through the night? Sure thing! Gladly.

Call. You'd be surprised how even a 3 minute phone call with the T can help...and waiting for the call back helps you stick around too

Feel better soon.

Call. I've been in and out of therapy for most of my life. I do fine for years, then something comes along that I can't handle, and so I find a T (I've moved a lot, so it's always a new one).

Call, say what you posted here, and listen to what she has to say. And good luck!

[skycastle]

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry I asked everybody, I don't think I'm going to call, it's so late now (after 8) and it'd probably be inappropriate. And I don't know what I'd expect from it since there's not much that she could say. Ackkk, I'm sorry I asked, it was stupid, I think I just wanted reassurance or connection from someone. Thanks everybody for responding. Eeep.

[skycastle]

and CLEARLY I can handle myself. I am such a loser, I just make these worries up. Yuck.

[Wren_]

I still think you should call your T tomorrow and make an appointment even if that's the only reason for calling .... what she can say then is; a time you can go in

and no, you aren't a loser at all

[Wren_]

Do you feel any calmer now?

[beautiful.mess]

(((Sky)))) don't be sorry. It wasn't stupid and you're not a loser. It's so hard to ask for what we need. If anyone knows this, it's me.
Be good to you.

[skycastle]

I'm okay, just my head spins when I think about scheduling an appointment. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I can get through the night but I know I need to take some kind of action soon. I don't know The last time I saw her, she asked if I wanted to reduce sessions, like I'm doing great, and now I feel embarrassed to tell her anything differently because I feel as if she'll think I'm making it up. I have this really bizarre hang-up that people will think I'm making things up--sometimes *I* think I'm making things up!! For some reason though I'm more comfortable talking to her than to the front desk people. One of the front desk people is really really sick, and I think the other person may be stressed about taking on extra work, and then now I'm making a mess of things for them. I used to have a really sick parent and I think sometimes it's all connected.

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by skycastle

I'm okay, just my head spins when I think about scheduling an appointment. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I can get through the night but I know I need to take some kind of action soon. I don't know The last time I saw her, she asked if I wanted to reduce sessions, like I'm doing great, and now I feel embarrassed to tell her anything differently because I feel as if she'll think I'm making it up. I have this really bizarre hang-up that people will think I'm making things up--sometimes *I* think I'm making things up!! For some reason though I'm more comfortable talking to her than to the front desk people. One of the front desk people is really really sick, and I think the other person may be stressed about taking on extra work, and then now I'm making a mess of things for them. I used to have a really sick parent and I think sometimes it's all connected.

I understand. I just saw T on Monday and not again until next Thursday. The thought of a full week is making me nervous. I'm not in a good place even though I go through times during the day where I feel great, then I crash and I want to call T but I don't want to bother her or worry her or make it seem like I'm making it up just to see/talk to her. I've always been one to help others and asking for help myself is too hard.

Does she do email? Maybe you could call during a time you know you could leave a voicemail and just let her know you're checking in and think you could use a session to get through a few things. You don't need to be specific.

I've only ever called my T for a crisis once and was hoping to leave a VM but she answered at 8p! I kept stumbling over my words because I was too surprised to figure out why I called. Once I got it out and told her I was able to calm down and we had a session the next day.

Anyway- I tend to ramble.. You're NOT a loser. Hang in there and I hope you call or make an appointment soon. Please try not to worry about the others (receptionist or whatnot) you need to take care of you.

[beautiful.mess]

Originally Posted by skycastle

I'm okay, just my head spins when I think about scheduling an appointment. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I can get through the night but I know I need to take some kind of action soon. I don't know The last time I saw her, she asked if I wanted to reduce sessions, like I'm doing great, and now I feel embarrassed to tell her anything differently because I feel as if she'll think I'm making it up. I have this really bizarre hang-up that people will think I'm making things up--sometimes *I* think I'm making things up!! For some reason though I'm more comfortable talking to her than to the front desk people. One of the front desk people is really really sick, and I think the other person may be stressed about taking on extra work, and then now I'm making a mess of things for them. I used to have a really sick parent and I think sometimes it's all connected.

I can very much relate to this. Sometimes I think of what's wrong with so much that I begin to question it's reality.

[learning1]

Good for you getting this close to making an appointment. You aren't letting yourself ignore it. Now I hope you call.

[skycastle]

I scheduled an appointment!!!

Good for you!

[learning1]

Yay!!!!!

[Hope-Full]

way to go!! Great step back to taking care of you

[PTSDlovemycats]

yes call T.

[beautiful.mess]

Woo-Hoo!!!

[skycastle]

Well, I went. Had another embarrassing interaction in the lobby where once again I made myself look like an incompetent fool and also made the receptionist have to do more work.

My therapist and I didn't connect. That's it, really. The summary of the session. She asked me how I was and we talked about work. She asked what I came in to talk about and we talked about work some more. She gave me some strategies to help me get to sleep in the evenings and told me I seemed like I was handling a lot of things well.

At the very end of the session, she asked if I was coming back to therapy. I paused then said I would after a trip coming up. I thought that'd be 3 weeks. I just noticed it's four.

I lied to her a lot during the session about how I'm doing okay. She wasn't very present either. My conclusion: she doesn't care about me and I don't deserve help. The other option: she doesn't care about me and there's just a rift between us that we will never be able to cross.

Why would she asks what seems like such a significant question right at the end of a session?