[SoupDragon]

I have just read this in a thread and I was just wondering if others do feel like they create their own trauma?

I think my T hints at this and although I think I am responsible for making my life chaotic and contribute to its instability, I really don't get that I create my own trauma...or am I missing something?

[rainbow8]

I don't think so but my H thinks I do. He thinks I make my therapy into a soap opera on purpose. He doesn't know anything about psychology, but sometimes he gets it a little bit right. I don't know how we can create trauma, though. I thought trauma is something that happens TO us by someone else. We can cloud issues and create diversions, which is what my H is hinting at, and make everything more intense and complicated than it is, but that's not trauma, at least by my understanding.

[Marie123]

Unless we are masochists........no!

I can't believe a therapist would think or say that.

I didnt create any of the trauma that happened to me.

[Ygrec23]

I can't believe your T thinks this for a moment. You say you believe your T "hints" at this. Well, that's the kind of "interpretation" of ambiguous statements that could say more about your feelings toward yourself than about your T's opinions.

I entirely agree with Marie and Rainbow: trauma is something that usually happens to a person early in life, inflicted by one or more others. Trauma can happen in adult life too but only in the kinds of circumstances that occur involuntarily: war, crime, accidents, that kind of thing.

How you react in and out of therapy now are results of either early trauma or your PTSD. You'd do best to clear this up with your T. Take care!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

I can't believe your T thinks this for a moment. You say you believe your T "hints" at this. Well, that's the kind of "interpretation" of ambiguous statements that could say more about your feelings toward yourself than about your T's opinions.

I entirely agree with Marie and Rainbow: trauma is something that usually happens to a person early in life, inflicted by one or more others. Trauma can happen in adult life too but only in the kinds of circumstances that occur involuntarily: war, crime, accidents, that kind of thing.

How you react in and out of therapy now are results of either early trauma or your PTSD. You'd do best to clear this up with your T. Take care!

Can't trauma happen at any time? I think you could be traumatized by a car wreck...right?

I do make a big distinction between DRAMA and TRAUMA. I think I do contibute to my own drama from time to time....no question. But I think my therapy has been primarily about unwinding the threads of the trauma which happened early in my life, which has echoes in the present.

That's my four cents worth anyway, adjusted for inflation...

I think it's more like creating drama, not trauma. I definitely know some people who thrive on having constant upheaval in their lives and who really do find ways to keep the world spinning around them about some of the most trivial and convoluded things. But that's different from trauma. Two different animals in my book.

[PreacherHeckler]

I think, because of our childhood histories of abuse, it's possible to unconsciously continue to put ourselves into situations where we are likely to be retraumatized. That's one reason why it's fairly common for abused kids to become adults who marry someone who abuses them. We unconsciously recreate familiar patterns until we learn something different, but in order to learn something different, first we have to become aware of what those unconscious patterns are. So... in a way, we actually can indirectly "cause" our own trauma by remaining in or continuing to put ourselves in potentially harmful environments or relationships. That doesn't make us at all responsible for what someone else does to us, but as adults we are responsible for keeping ourselves as safe as possible, and we can't do that by recreating unconscious patterns of behavior that put us at risk.

[elliemay]

I definitely distinguish between drama and trauma, and yes I think it is possible to contribute, as adults to both.

As a previous poster indicated, people exposed to trauma can often find themselves in a similar situation again, or reacting to a different situation in a traumatic way.

Almost all of us contribute to the drama in our own lives, simply because we live them.

It is always a good exercise to look, as adults, at the way in which we contribute to the problems in our lives and try to adapt or modify our responses accordingly.

[missbelle]

I think trauma is the wrong word. How about crisis...I do think we create our own crisis sometimes. I used to do exactly that. I was so used to always being in a crisis situation that when things were calm and stress free it was abnormal to me. I was used to the drama and then I would create it again because it was the only thing I knew!!!!! Contentment and serentiy were foreign. Now I appreciate it but before, no!

[Perna]

We're in charge of how we see/interpret and what we "do" with anything that happens in our life. No, we don't "create" the hurricanes, earthquakes, abuse, car accidents, etc. that happen in our lives but they aren't "in charge" once we get to be adults anymore than dreams are in charge once we wake up in the morning. Not knowing how to help ourselves is not the same as not helping ourselves because we don't know how. The first is a problem we seek to learn how to solve and the second is an excuse.

[zooropa]

my T told me yesterday that trauma is going to keep happening to me, and that I need to face and accept that I create that in my life.

If she had said "drama" and not "trauma" I would totally agree. I don't LIKE drama, but it keeps happening, and I can accept that it is something about me that creates that.

I have a much harder time accepting that it is something about me that creates trauma, and I really need to clear this up with T when and if I see her again.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by zooropa

my T told me yesterday that trauma is going to keep happening to me, and that I need to face and accept that I create that in my life. ....

I'm sorry, Zoo, but this makes me angry. It is as if T is saying, "trauma is going to keep happening to you, and I don't have the skills to help you so you might as well face and accept the pattern" (if it IS a pattern).

If yr T has this theory, I can't escape the feeling that yr T has a job to do here, that is just not being faced up to. too bad so sad?! grrrrrrrrrr !!!

I can't give you an answer, but I definitely feel like I do & the people that I use to talk to made me feel like I did as well. I mean I know it's possible to create your own trauma. I just don't feel like people should assume that everybody does it or some people do it based on their story. Everyone's story is different & we all react differently as well.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I'm sorry, Zoo, but this makes me angry. It is as if T is saying, "trauma is going to keep happening to you, and I don't have the skills to help you so you might as well face and accept the pattern" (if it IS a pattern).

If yr T has this theory, I can't escape the feeling that yr T has a job to do here, that is just not being faced up to. too bad so sad?! grrrrrrrrrr !!!

SAWE, that is exactly what I got from what she said, too. I am hoping I was wrong, or that she will apologize and somehow explain herself. It hurts a lot to have the person who I have trusted the most, the person who I have shown the most of myself to, essentially throw up her hands and walk away.

[roadtrip]

Facing and accepting that you create trauma in your life ins't accepting that it will always be in your life, or even that T won't help you through it. I heard it as meaning that it will be the same unless you make it different but without accepting your role in the matter change is not going to happen.

Hopefully you can gain clarification from your T and I hope she is not throwing her hands up in the air. For her to say that trauma is going to happen to you well how would anyone know that. It sounds pretty confusing.

I think it gives a feeling of mastering our feelings if we cause it, but no. We may be drawn to traumatic behaviours becuse the trauma has already happened and we are constantly trying to master it by recreating it.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by zooropa

It hurts a lot to have the person who I have trusted the most, the person who I have shown the most of myself to, essentially throw up her hands and walk away.

I can sure believe that. The very least thing she could do, if she is unable to treat trauma, is to refer you to someone who is competent. Sheesh.

[porcupine2]

I believe there are circumstances that happen of which we have no control, but on the flip side I think there are many situations where we can opt out of the drama. Therapy is supposed to help us recognize the negative patterns in our lives so we don't repeat them PLUS give us the tools to do so. A good T will concentrate on helping us with the tools we need to empower ourselves, therefore breaking the cycle.

I think there's a difference between drama and trauma. Confused about what's being asked now. One can create more drama yes, but to be in a flashback then no.

[unaluna]

Well, what is CPTSD, but the accumulation of a thousand little cuts? (not literal cuts, necessarily). Don't underestimate "drama" - the word has been in the news recently as being used by teenage girls, when what is really meant is bullying. So that is what I am hearing here, is that we are minimizing what we are doing to ourselves, and denying ownership by calling it drama. Is getting fired from my job a trauma from the outside or something I cause by my actions? A lot of ways to answer that question.

Also, a therapist who is a good match for you, when life happens, has the effect of kissing your scraped knee and making it all better, not of being exasperated with you for falling, or of being more hurt by your knee than you are. When all you've had is the latter types, as mum and T, it is a surprise and an effin miracle to find the former, a T who will stand with you and say, WE can make this better. Of course, YOU have to believe that kiss eases the pain!

[sunrise]

Whether an event is traumatizing to a person depends not just on the event but on the person. There's an interaction somehow. And some people are more prone to being traumatized than others. For example, some people survive a tsunami and are not traumatized. Others are. It could be genetics that helps make a person more easily traumatized and environmental factors too. They have done studies on factors in a person that predispose to or protect them from being traumatized. For example, for men, those who are married are less apt to be traumatized if exposed to an event that could be traumatizing (like a tsunami). (As I recall, this protective effect of marriage does not hold true for women.) So there are these protective factors such as marriage for men but also predisposing factors too. And genetics. It all adds up to some people being more easily traumatized than others. I don't think people are deliberately creating their trauma but just very sensitive to trauma. Hopefully, they can make changes to become more resilient--a good goal for therapy, I think.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

Can't trauma happen at any time? I think you could be traumatized by a car wreck...right?

I do make a big distinction between DRAMA and TRAUMA. I think I do contibute to my own drama from time to time....no question. But I think my therapy has been primarily about unwinding the threads of the trauma which happened early in my life, which has echoes in the present.

That's my four cents worth anyway, adjusted for inflation...

I agree 100%. Well said.