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Old Nov 02, 2011, 09:01 AM
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Nelliecat Nelliecat is offline
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And that I very occasionally drive by her house to check she's still there.

What is going on with me? I feel like a crazy stalker or some lovesick teenager. I don't like feeling like this but I know that to move things on right now and to develop a different level of trust I need to see how she will react. I need to see that she does truly understand and care. I need to know that she's not going to get rid of me although I wouldn't blame her if she did.

I see her tomorrow morning and I am a complete bundle of nerves. What if she freaks out and does want rid of me? She has said I need to take risks sometimes in therapy but this feels like a biggie.

Last edited by Nelliecat; Nov 02, 2011 at 09:04 AM. Reason: Addition
Thanks for this!
granite1, Nelliecat

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  #2  
Old Nov 02, 2011, 09:41 AM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Hi Nelliecat - the T relationship is so weird - my T talks about the push / pull of therapy and I think for me that is so true - I want to be with T all the time, yet get scared of seeing him at the same time - senseless isn't it?

I think it is natural to want to check that T is still there - I even wonder whether this is partly why I e-mail my T between sessions sometimes, just to make sure he is real and has not disappeared.

I am sure we all test our T's from time to time too (my T said he is aware that I have done this, but I am not conscious of it).

Good luck in being able to share as much as you want to with your T tomorrow - I think risks can pay off, even if it isn't immediately apparent.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow - Soup
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Last edited by SoupDragon; Nov 02, 2011 at 11:00 AM.
  #3  
Old Nov 02, 2011, 10:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelliecat View Post
And that I very occasionally drive by her house to check she's still there.

What is going on with me? I feel like a crazy stalker or some lovesick teenager. I don't like feeling like this but I know that to move things on right now and to develop a different level of trust I need to see how she will react. I need to see that she does truly understand and care. I need to know that she's not going to get rid of me although I wouldn't blame her if she did.

I see her tomorrow morning and I am a complete bundle of nerves. What if she freaks out and does want rid of me? She has said I need to take risks sometimes in therapy but this feels like a biggie.
i could have written this.i know ware my T lives and i have gone bye her house it really wasnt that big of a deal.it was comforting to know that even when she isnt in her office she does exsist.at least that is what this information did for me.i dont think your T will stop seeing you over this but i bet she will want to know what having this information means for you
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Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #4  
Old Nov 02, 2011, 10:32 AM
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mcl6136 mcl6136 is offline
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I feel that our therapists test us as well.

It's just part of the dance. Hopefull you get someone who doesn't step on your toes too hard, is okay when you call them on it (bruised toes and all) and the music keeps playing.

Give yourself a break!
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #5  
Old Nov 02, 2011, 12:05 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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I drove by my T's house once and I was afraid to tell her, but I knew I HAD to, so I did. She wasn't angry, was just curious about why I wanted to do it. Her house is on a dead-end street, out of the way, so I wouldn't do it again. I think T's understand why we do this sort of thing, and it really isn't stalking. Everyone is a little different, though, so it will be productive for your therapy to talk about it. I doubt very much that she will want to get rid of you!!! When I do things like that, my T has said it is "grist for the mill".
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #6  
Old Nov 02, 2011, 03:42 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
I drove by my T's house once and I was afraid to tell her, but I knew I HAD to, so I did. She wasn't angry, was just curious about why I wanted to do it. Her house is on a dead-end street, out of the way, so I wouldn't do it again. I think T's understand why we do this sort of thing, and it really isn't stalking. Everyone is a little different, though, so it will be productive for your therapy to talk about it. I doubt very much that she will want to get rid of you!!! When I do things like that, my T has said it is "grist for the mill".
This sounds right.

My T lives on a main road and I drive past her house quite often on legitimate errands. But there's never anything to see.
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #7  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 04:08 AM
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Well, I'm off to see her in half an hour but whether I'll say anything or not remains to be seen. I had thought it was such a good idea and felt compelled to do it, I suppose to test her committment or something, but now !!!

Thanks everyone for replying!
  #8  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 06:54 AM
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Hope it goes well, Nelliecat. Thinking of you...
  #9  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 07:05 AM
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Well, I just couldn't do it. Could barely say anything much that helped me. I feel a failure. Why am I putting myself through this torture? She's there to help, I'm paying a lot of money for this so why can't I get it right? Am upset and fed up right now and very frustrated with myself.
  #10  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 09:10 AM
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Can you call her or email it to her? I think you'd feel a lot better if you could get it out any way you can. But you're not a failure. It's hard to tell your T something you think she might be angry or upset about.
  #11  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 12:11 PM
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Nelliecat Nelliecat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
Can you call her or email it to her? I think you'd feel a lot better if you could get it out any way you can. But you're not a failure. It's hard to tell your T something you think she might be angry or upset about.
I've done it

I've emailed it to her and asked for a call, which I never would ask for. I don't want an email saying we'll talk about it next week. I would agonize all weekend.

Now I just have to wait........
  #12  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 12:22 PM
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I'm proud of you, nellie! I hope your T calls soon and doesn't make you wait too long!
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #13  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 01:16 PM
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Nelliecat Nelliecat is offline
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I'm proud of you, nellie! I hope your T calls soon and doesn't make you wait too long!
Just the usual email, 'We'll talk about it next week'.

Well just maybe I won't turn up to talk about it next week.

Whatever.
  #14  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 01:23 PM
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oops, I'm sorry. You mean that you told her you go past her house and that's what she emailed to you. Well, at least she KNOWS now and she didn't kick you out. I hope that's some consolation, anyway. Some Ts, including mine, don't want to do therapy via email.

If you don't show up next week you're only hurting yourself. Your T just responded in the way she responds to everything, right? That's a GOOD sign; it's just another therapy topic to her. It will be a productive session next week. Try not to worry about it.
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #15  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 01:27 PM
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mcl6136 mcl6136 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelliecat View Post
Well, I just couldn't do it. Could barely say anything much that helped me. I feel a failure. Why am I putting myself through this torture? She's there to help, I'm paying a lot of money for this so why can't I get it right? Am upset and fed up right now and very frustrated with myself.
I definitely understand. many times I go in there, say little, joke around, b.s my way through a session, pay a GREAT deal of money...and nothing. So I do the whole self-recrimination thing...again, can you give yourself a break?
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
  #16  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 03:17 PM
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Nelliecat Nelliecat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
oops, I'm sorry. You mean that you told her you go past her house and that's what she emailed to you. Well, at least she KNOWS now and she didn't kick you out. I hope that's some consolation, anyway. Some Ts, including mine, don't want to do therapy via email.

If you don't show up next week you're only hurting yourself. Your T just responded in the way she responds to everything, right? That's a GOOD sign; it's just another therapy topic to her. It will be a productive session next week. Try not to worry about it.

Thanks Rainbow, I know you're right. It's just my knee-jerk reaction to the hard stuff - fight or flight and I definately feel like flying!

She did say she would hold me in mind til next tuesday - what does she mean? That she will think of me?

I think I'm my own worst enemy - worrying away about anything and everything she says and does. I'm worn out with it.
  #17  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 03:20 PM
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Nelliecat Nelliecat is offline
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Originally Posted by mcl6136 View Post
I definitely understand. many times I go in there, say little, joke around, b.s my way through a session, pay a GREAT deal of money...and nothing. So I do the whole self-recrimination thing...again, can you give yourself a break?

I'll try mcl but as usual there's this little voice in my head that just won't shut up and she's not giving me a break! I do feel better for coming on here and getting it all out though. Am going to go and have a bath and try to chill out a bit. Thanks for your reply.
  #18  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 06:34 PM
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Is it a big deal to know where a T lives? I know where mine lives cuz Ive picked her up/ dropped her off at her house a bunch of times. Is a Ts house supposed to be a secret?
  #19  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by SarahMichelle View Post
Is it a big deal to know where a T lives? I know where mine lives cuz Ive picked her up/ dropped her off at her house a bunch of times. Is a Ts house supposed to be a secret?

No, intellectually I know that this is probably nothing for her although she doesn't disclose anything about herself and it's more the fact that I'm driving by to check she's still around and I haven't been 'abandoned' that is making me feel so uncomfortable. I'm still quite new to therapy so I suppose everything seems bigger than it is.
  #20  
Old Nov 03, 2011, 07:40 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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SarahMichelle, I just want to say that most people do not have such an informal relationship with their Ts like you have with yours. I can't imagine a T who would let me pick her up and drop her off. Most have firmer boundaries. I'm not saying what you have is wrong. In fact I'm jealous because it works for you but doesn't work for me.
Thanks for this!
Nelliecat
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