What did I just do!!!???

Been going to my T for 2 years. During the last two weeks or so, I've been thinking of him during the week a lot, cuz I was feeling really lonely. So I had the sudden urge to learn as much as I can about him and his family. Started googling him today and then I remembered that I know the names of his two sons. So I logged in @ at friend's Facebook account and found them. And I sent a friend request to one of them, he asked who I was and after a while I wrote him that I'm just a patient of his father and I found his silly way to feel close to him and learn whatever I can about his life. And that it was so unthoughtful of myself and I'm so sorry for invading his personal space. He was really kind and said that he understands and that it was only human and no harm done. But I feel awful... There is no way I could tell my T I did such a thing, so I felt the need to share it with you... It's my bday tomorrow so maybe that's why I felt so lonely, I needed my T so bad. 45 minutes a week is nothing compared to my needs...
Thank you all for listening...

Hi Harvest Moon - I am sorry that you are feeling so lonely right now. The T relationship is so hard isn't it? I am sure many of us google our T's to try to find out about them, even though we know it may not be in our best interests to.

Be gentle with yourself, it sounds like you did a good thing in being honest with your T's son - that must have been tough. Take care and happy birthday for tomorrow - Soup

Thank you, Soup. Your words are soothing. I feel like I cheated on my T for some reason. I didn't respect his privacy and he respects mine. It's just that I really felt the need to connect with him and this seemed to be the only way at the moment. Thnx for the wishes!!! I really like your nickname

T will probably forgive you.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday.

Did you pick "harvest Moon" because you are a neil young fan?

Very natural.

For the first year, my T wouldn't tell me anything about herself - not even if she was married. "What do you think?" she asked.

I thought therapists were supposed to be New Age and Bohemian, and she did have crystals and chunky jewellery. So first I thought she might be a lesbian, and then I thought maybe she was cohabiting with two men at once, and then maybe she just had a string of affairs.

Disappointing to discover that she was in a stable, legal marriage with two daughters.

You should definitely tell your T about it. Even if you don't it will still be "in the room" and will interfere with your therapy.

CantExplain you have a wild imagination lol!!! I still don't know if my T is married or divorced etc! Never asked him... I really don't want to tell him what I did, maybe later, in let's say 10 years from now!
Alwaysrejoice, yes I'm a Neil Young fan! Actually the only thing that kept me "sane" during my teenage years was music! Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Neil Young, jazz and classical music were my only friends back then...
Decided to write to my T every time I feel lonely and want to connect with him (instead of what I did) and give him my writings every Tuesday. He also gave me a book to read by Winnicott -- maybe by reading it, I will feel close to him. For now, I just smell it, it has the distinct smell of my T's office.. sign...

I know but... I don't trust him enough to tell him such a thing. I really can't...

Well... you might have to face it anyway. His son might tell him what happened. I don't know about your T but with my T it's ALWAYS better if I'm truthful with him. And yes, I did something similar with my T's son about 6 years ago except it wasn't facebook, it was an instant message.

Yes, but his son doesn't know who I am, just a female patient. Nothing more... Anyway, telling him will be the hardest thing I would have to do. I can't see how I can tell him, I feel so embarrassed.

I really can relate to how you feel. But I think you have been already brave to tell his son the truth. Telling your T will surely be more difficult but I do think it is better when you tell him instead of he maybe figuring it out on his own. I am sure his son will tell him and maybe your T can make the link after all.
If you are planning on giving him things that you have written to him anyway why don't you write this up as well and give him and tell him that the only way to let him know at the moment is through writing because it is too difficult to say for you.
I am sure he will be able to understand and appreciate you being open with him.

Yeah, I can imagine this would be awfully difficult to bring up. I've done similar things and I know the embarrassment. But weigh that against how miserable it's going to be to carry this around for .... how long? Days? Weeks? Months? It will nag at you and make you feel guilty, hate yourself, agonize over whether to say it or not, on and on. I know how much I can make myself suffer over things like this, and I've finally gotten sick of it!!! I'm SO tired of making myself suffer.

A few difficult minutes in session - shaking hands, sweaty palms, queasy stomach, whatever - and then you'll be free of it. Unload it, dump it, you & T will discuss it, he'll be fine with it, and the sense of relief you'll feel will be awesome.

Thank you for your reply... Yes, I thought that I could at least tell him next time that there is something I did that I am not so proud of and that I will eventually share it with him but for now, I have so much trouble putting it into words. And then maybe I will write it down or share it with him when I feel more comfortable and confident. I have so much trouble opening up and letting him see how vulnerable I really am...
I really envied the way his son spoke about my T, he seems to admire him a lot and look up to him. He told me to listen to his dad and to the trust him because he really cares about his work and his patients. I wish I could look up to my parents, but no...

I know you are right and my logic says that this is what I definitely should do! But, being someone who has always hidden things, feelings etc. I find it soooooooo hard. Admitting it will be the hardest thing I had to do in therapy. But I know that I HAVE to do it, for my own good. I am so afraid of his reaction, I'm sure he will not say anything bad, but it's what he will think of me that scares me the most.

You have the lesson here. It didn't feel good to be intrusive about your therapist's life, and you're not likely to do this again, are you? ...I don't think you necessarily need to flog yourself so hard about it...do you?? Please...give yourself a break....therapy is hard work and you seem like you're getting it in a big way. Treat yourself kindly...you were curious and you were nosy...

I'm always so hard on myself (and sometimes on others)... Always feeling guilty... Will try to think it through till next Tuesday! I have so much trouble showing to my T my weakness. I may feel depressed and low all week long, but a few minutes before our session I put on a smile and block all negative feelings so that he won't be able to really see through me. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens... sign! Relationship's with our T's are SO HARD!!!

One way I've told T difficult stuff is to write it down and read it. It allows me to avoid eye contact and to dissociate a bit so I am able to do it. For the really tough stuff I'll prelude by saying that I don't want to talk about it right now but just read it and then move on to something else.

I think that I will do something similar. If it were 2 years ago, I wouldn't even consider the option of telling him. But it's the only honest and truthful relationship I ever had, and I don't want to spoil it. But it's so hard.

So harvest moon, did you tell your t? What did he say? I'm embarrassed about the fact that I looked my T up on facebook and looked at his photos. :-( And his wife. :-( And looked at her photos.

If T posts photos on Facebook, he or she must expect patients to find them. It's not an "invasion of privacy" to look at someone's Facebook page.

You have nothing to be embarrassed of! Since he posts his pictures on FB it is only natural that he will have patients looking at them. I completely agree with CantExplain. No, I haven't found the courage to tell him yet. But I think I will during the next sessions. I did write him a note that about a month ago I left from his office feeling disconnected and did something "bad" in order to feel close to him. I might give it to him tomorrow or the week after. It's a small but first step I think...