[Estee1]

I am too attached to my T. I am afraid of how it will make me feel when I finish seeing the T.
It's probably just because the T is so nice and caring. But it's so awful to think that one day the T won't be in my life anymore. Someone that has made such a difference in my life will be gone. Gone like the wind! It's so sad when people leave, I hate it. The T is the person that I think about most in the whole world at the moment. It's embarrassing, I feel like a freak. I talk to her in my head. Like I imagine telling her things that are going on. Not like I actually think that she can hear me talking to her. I just have imaginary coversations with her. Like I used to have imaginary friends when I was a child. I feel crazy now. Gave myself a laugh anyway. ROFL!
Anyway, what I'm thinking is that it can't be healthy or normal to be thinking about the T so much. I must be obsessed or something. I want to stop thinking about the T but the T is so nice and kind.

[hereiam]

same here, estee. sometimes i feel like i cant stop the conversations. it sucks.

[Merlin]

I know the conversation thing. I like to consider that as a positve. We have internalized the way our therapists challange our thoughts to the point where we can anticipate how they would react with them even being present. Maybe one day it will sound less like a conversation between you and your t and more like just a decision making process in your head, but I think that it is ok as it is. Or maybe I am just crazy, lol, but I do it too.

Laura

[ashley22]

Same here estee! Did you read my post on this about feeling abandoned? I just can't stop thinking about her...and I know it's not healthy. She says she will help me work on it. But it's very painful. Sometimes all I care is about talking to her, its where I feel safe. Life out there just feels scary sometimes.
(((((hugs)))))

[Estee1]

Thanks for replying everyone. It made me lsugh reading your post Laura. It sure is funny living in our brains. Glad that other people can't see our thoughts. It would be really bad.
Ashley I did read that. I'm off to read it again now. I would be so embarrassed to tell the T that I think about her all the time. I feel really safe talking to the T. More than anyone else in the world. (((((((Ashley)))))))

When the time comes you will be ready and just because the therapy has ended does not mean that therapist cannot be a part of your life as a friend. here in the united states after a certian time frame from the last therapy session the therapist and the client can be considered friends and can be in each others lives as the two decide as friends. I have two therapists that I have remained friends with over the years after I stopped seeing then as therapists.

[Estee1]

I don't think I'd be a suitable friend for the T. Not brainy or mature enough.

I once told my friend that and she said brains and maturity don't figure into friendships. what counts is that both people enjoy each others company and respects that person as a person not an object to be taken advantage of. If a therapist and client are meant to be friends its something that just happens. You dont have to be smart and mature and saphisticated ( I'm a college grad and still cant spell worth beans LOL ) Take care.

[JustBen]

I think a lot of people feel this way at some point. I had a slight case of that with my last therapist, but time worked it out. Somehow I always remember him doing exactly what he was doing at the time of our last session...as if I could walk back into that building and find him exactly the same person I left...funny how the brain freezes time like that.

[Estee1]

I'm so desperate that I enjoy anyones company. No, that's not true. Some people bug me. But my T is very nice. Thank goodness for that, otherwise I'd be too scared to go there. I just hate people leaving. It's so sad.
Estee

[hazeleyes]

Hi estee, you know...it was interesting to read your post. I've talked about this with my T, and she says it's ok to be "too attached" to her. I told her I'm afraid that she'll abandon me or just disappear in some mysterious way (yeah like that would happen?) and it's only when I can depend on her, trust her to a 100 per cent, talk about these feelings....let her be close...that I can heal. This is the truth in my case... So maybe it will be easier if you can discuss it with her? I believe this is very common and that maybe she's heard it before? And besides, it only shows what a great inpact she has in your life and how much you love her, right? Nothing wrong with that.... and she can then help you in the future with abandonment issues.
Good luck and keep thinking the good thoughts

[Junerain]

I identify with what Myself wrote. My T and I are friends, not just professional acquaintances. He makes it clear that he cares about me and sometimes we talk like friends do, such as recommending movies to each other. Does anyone else feel this way? That their T wants so much to help us that he is a friend and cares deeply.

[Estee1]

That's pretty cool. One T that I had for only a few sessions was so nice. Whenever she sees me in the street she gives me a hug. I was so sad when I had to leave her, but I'm over it now. I am more embarrassed now when I see her because I think about some of the things I told her. Wish I had a vaccuum to suck those things back into my mouth. I feel so ashamed.

[Estee1]

I suppose I just worry that I will freak her out if I tell her, and that she will stop seeing me. But that' s probably not true. Just hurts for me because I never want her to leave. It would break my heart into a million pieces.

[pegasus]

Hi Estee,
I know how you feel. I have been having therapy now for nearly 4 years and I truly dread the day that it will finish. I swing between loving my T one minute and hating him the next but I don't know what I'd do without him. Its a really awful feeling being that attached to someone. Your post has made me feel better. I'm not the only one!

Yea I have session memories of my therapist now friend and other therapists "frozen" in time. I like that because when I am missing therapy with a certain therapist I can close my eyes and have a "mental therapy session" you know like if something isnt going right I sit back, close my eyes and say ok JEH and I went through this back at the crisis center, she was sitting across t he table from me and -- then I let the memory flow until it reaches the point where either the answer to the problem is or the memory is finished and I say ok so what would JEH and I do about this? and I figure out the problem. Its like I am back in 1987with her instead of alone with whatever is going on. But I don't have only one memory (the last time I saw them) but many of our time together. And in the case of SKRand JEH I also have the non therapy memories so if I dont have time to contact them or they are busy with their workloads and so on I can enjoy those memories too with the added benefit of knowing they are a part of my life forever now as a friend would be.

I don't have regrets on what I have told my therapists when we were able to switch to being friends. Being friends to me is a much deeper level of trust and understanding then a therapy relationship so I know that what JEH and SKR knows of the darker side and the fact that they chose to remain friends says no matter what happened to me and no matter what I told them they really care and love me for me not for digging the deep and dark material out of me to get rid of. They both know theres probably more deep and dark stuff buried and still chose to be my friends after the therapy time was gone.

For us (me and the ex therapists now friends) the hard part isnt what I have told them. It's what comes after the therapy is gone - the one year no face to face contact and during that one year the therapists couldnt respond to my letters even though my letters were friendship based not therapy, and then the questions by the new therapists. Even now if my therapist were to ask any of us about our friendship or seeing/being in contact with each other we would all say "no" or "thats none of your business" simply because that is what we decided together to say before we gave up therapy time.

[MacD]

when in pain..it's only natural to focus on the person or thing that gives us relief...you're no freak...hang in there.....grace

[Hopefull]

I find myself looking forward to talking to her. Having someone that I can say almost anything to makes life easier for me. But, I don't like feeling like I need her. I have only met her four times. My grandma died last week and I kept looking forward to being able to talk about that to her.
She didn't like the word "need" though. I kind of mentioned my strange feeling right at the end of the session today. (dumb on my part) I just didn't feel comfortable saying it until it just popped out. I know that feeling a need for a T is a part of the relationship sometimes. I mean it was covered in my ethics in counseling class. But, I don't like to develop a dependence on someone if I can help it.
I like her postiveness. It makes me want to be more postive. I just seem to lose my desire to even try to be positive in my thinking when I don't get to talk to her. I don't know why.

[(JD)]

We have to realize that it's ok to need someone... and when it comes to a T, we might not always need them... maybe? TC