[MickG]

Just wanted to note...

I love my therapist though not in the transference way (never had that happen.) She works very hard with me and she is greatly appreciated. When I miss appointments she personally telephones to make certain I am alright and she notes my manner of speech and any change from the norm...my other docs never did that.

Wishing all of you the very best with yours. Take care.

[WikidPissah]

that's great Mick, glad your on an upswing.

[Ygrec23]

Gents, please permit me to obtrude into your discussion. On PC, we talk a lot about "transference" and what it is and whether or not things are happening in connection with it. And that's fine. Many true things and insights are stated here that benefit all PC people in therapy.

I'd like, however, to point out that all of us really do "transferences" in many of our interpersonal transactions from morning til night. Does anyone really think that transference doesn't affect your relationship with your spouse? With your children? With your friends and coworkers?

The difference between transference with T and with all the others are that transference with T is directly under T's eyes and therefor subject to T's direct observation and consideration. But that is by no means to degrade the value of transference with others. If you're working with T, I strongly believe that bringing insights to T based on, for example, relations with one's spouse, are highly valuable to T and to what you're doing with him/her.

Face it. Your own personal, early childhood adjustment to your parents is going to show up in ALL your future relations with people of all kinds. Your T knows this. You OUGHT to know this. When your transference with T isn't yielding particularly fruitful results, you can look to your transferences with other important people in your life. It's another important area to explore and to report on to T. Take care!

[sunrise]

That's great you have found a therapist that is such a great fit for you and is helping so much. Yay! Thanks for sharing, Mick.

[MickG]

Ygrec23 you are too into this psychology thing! I have no clue what you just wrote and I am a very intelligent man! Perhaps I stated it wrong, I simply meant though my therapist is a very brilliant and attractive woman I have no romantic interest in her (at least not at the moment) and I find her very helpful.

Thanks to all of you for your remarks! Wishing you the very best.

So glad youve found a great T!!

[mcl6136]

Aren't there lots of kinds of transference? Like when my cold distant T was really ticking me off, that was a negative transference.

when I wanted to see him in a polka dotted speedo, that was an erotic transference.

When I thought he walked on water at the beach in his polka dotted speedo, that was positive transference.

At least that is what I garnered from my wikipedia search, where all truth resides. I'm summarizing of course, cause I have a day job, after all.

But I'm relatively new to all of this stuff.

Hmmmm.....

Transference is really interesting to me, and I've been trying to figure it out for months, at least as it applies to me and my therapy. Now that it's actually happening to me, I think I'm starting to get it. At least, this is my two cents worth. FWIW - you get what you pay for, and this is free ...

Simply thinking your T is attractive (or not) isn't really transference. Transference is what happens when we unconsciously have feelings about someone that stems from our past experience and is not really based in reality.

Let's say a female patient had a very rejecting father (guess who ). When transference happens, she starts seeing all sorts of indications that the male T is rejecting her, when that's not the case at all. She has unconsciously transferred the expectation of rejection to the T. (And if someone doesn't catch on to what's happening, the T is doomed.) Simply put, she's not seeing things clearly, not seeing reality. She has emotional reactions to the T that are not based in reality, but were emotions toward the cold rejecting father.

This transference can occur with other males and create problems in relationships. The good thing about transference in therapy is that if you can recognize it, you can examine it and talk about it and see what you're doing. Then change can happen.

Anyway, this is my understanding as I live through this. The first session with my T I thought he was kinda cute, and that hasn't changed. That's not transference. All the emotional cr@p and the "you don't care about me" drama - ah, the joys of transference

Note - Transference didn't kick in until 5-6 months into therapy. Up until then, I saw him as he really is, with no real emotion toward him.

I don't fully understand this 'transferance' thing either... does it always apply? From what I've read I think I understand romantic/erotic transferance, and also cases where someone might make T into a 'mommy' or 'daddy' figure... but I don't see my T in any of those ways, so...? Can one not just think his or her T is a great T? A nice or admirable person? A figure of wisdom and insight who has the right tools and attitude to help? What type/s of transferance is/isn't that? This therapy thing is fascinating to me, and I'm learning so much through these forums...

Anyway, I'm happy that you've found a therapist to suit you, MickG! That's nice to hear.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I don't fully understand this 'transferance' thing either... does it always apply? From what I've read I think I understand romantic/erotic transferance, and also cases where someone might make T into a 'mommy' or 'daddy' figure... but I don't see my T in any of those ways, so...? Can one not just think his or her T is a great T? A nice or admirable person? A figure of wisdom and insight who has the right tools and attitude to help? What type/s of transferance is/isn't that? This therapy thing is fascinating to me, and I'm learning so much through these forums...

Anyway, I'm happy that you've found a therapist to suit you, MickG! That's nice to hear.

We need a glossary on this forum, where "attachment", "transference" and "projection" are all properly defined and explained.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

We need a glossary on this forum, where "attachment", "transference" and "projection" are all properly defined and explained.

Perhaps! Like I say, I have looked 'transferance' up, out of interest, when I heard about it on here, but most explanations of it seem quite basic. Ygrec seems to be talking about something way more complex than anything I have read so far!

[mcl6136]

[quote=TheBunnyWithin;2095469]Transference is really interesting to me, and I've been trying to figure it out for months, at least as it applies to me and my therapy. Now that it's actually happening to me, I think I'm starting to get it. At least, this is my two cents worth. FWIW - you get what you pay for, and this is free ...

Simply thinking your T is attractive (or not) isn't really transference. Transference is what happens when we unconsciously have feelings about someone that stems from our past experience and is not really based in reality.

Honestly? I was KIDDING about thinking the T was attractive. It can indeed be part of a transference.

[mcl6136]

I think it's also true that a woman can have a rejecting father, have transference going on, AND have a cold, rejecting therapist who acts, in the here and now, in a cold, rejecting way.

Call it a coincidence. it can happen.

[quote=mcl6136;2096749]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

Honestly? I was KIDDING about thinking the T was attractive. It can indeed be part of a transference.

Oops - I thought you were serious But once you mentioned that polka-dot speedo, I couldn't get the picture out of my head

MCL, I wasn't referring to you, only to my own situation which has me pretty much upset and I'm having a tough time. I take it that you had a cold rejecting father too. Wow - I'm having enough trouble with this transference thing with a fairly warm T. I can't imagine how tough it would be if the T ACTUALLY WAS cold and rejecting. (And I know you've mentioned a cold/distant T.) Man, I'd be outta there!

[peridot28]

I'm pretty sure MickG's post isn't about transference, but his wanting to share with us about how great his therapist is and has been to him. Perhaps starting another thread about transference would be a good idea.

I'm so happy to hear you have a great therapist. I have a really amazing therapist, too. Like you said, she notices slight variations in my demeanor that clue her into what is going on with me, even if I haven't uttered a word. She's like a magician, and I still can't figure out her super powers. LOL! I just came home from my appointment, and it was a great session. It's always great, even when they are difficult.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I think it's also true that a woman can have a rejecting father, have transference going on, AND have a cold, rejecting therapist who acts, in the here and now, in a cold, rejecting way.

Call it a coincidence. it can happen.

It certainly can! That would be a serious challenge to such a woman, but also a wonderful opportunity. (But if that turned out to be too painful, a less triggering T might suit her better.)

I transfered to my current T much more strongly than to previous Ts, because she was so much more like my mother. Much of that similarity was in my mind, of course, but there were some real, solid, objective similarities for my transference to work on.