ARGH!!!!!!!!

I am so frustrated right now with my pdoc. He wouldnt change my meds.I dont feel they are helping me one friggin bit. He just changed thr routine in which I take them. Its all going to be taken at nighttime now. And guess what time i have to take them??? 8 Friggin oclock! I will not go to bed that early .. and that is what he wants me to do!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO??????? I am 37 years old here not some 1st grader! DUH! And I will not give up my shows that are on later on at night. LIke ER and Boston Legal...nope no way jose! And .... not allowed to give up on my dreams etiher. I am defeating myself by doing that. Right Doc easy for you to say. He thinks I should start college...he heard nothing I said! I cant handle doing anything like school or a job now. Its too much ! And he thinks i am just self defeating.... I know myself and he claims he knows me better! ARGH!!!!!!!!! This was the longest talk he and I had ever had and I am so dissappointed in how it went. But I have no choice of who I get to see. This is who is at the clinic I go to .Ohhh and good news! My BP is up to 200/98 now!! He knows nothing of my stopping the meds. But he was on me to take better care of myself. Dang I feel like some bouncing ball around here anymore.
Just dont know what i am doing here. What is the point of my existence?

Oh Beth, I'm sorry you feel so bad about how things are going =( I hope you and he can get on closer to the same plane of thinking, with him realizing bedtime isn't 8:30 pm as part of it Your life is yours, he is just supposed to be helping, not controlling =(

Your existance is, for me, to be the wonderful person you are. Who I see helping people--which you are so very good at. You are a great friend that is important to alot of people. I don't know you as well as some, but I have the utmost respect for you. I've seen you tackle the toughest questions I've seen on here, and always have great advice. You are compassionate, caring, loving and give so much of yourself, you're amazing! {{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}

Could you take the meds at 8:30, but stay up as long as you feel like. I hope you can find a better way to communicate with your pdoc. I would get so pissed if mine tryed to control my life.

What about taping (VHS, Beta, DVD or TIVO) your shows. that is helping me right now. I need to get back into sleeping nights but don't want to give up on the shows I have grown to like so I set the timer and sleep and then watch my shows the next day. Im getting the sleep and getting my shows too.

{{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}}}}- why is it GOOD news that your blood pressure is that high?