[kasva]

hi
im not sure how to deal with my feelings o0f almost being fired. ive been seeing this t for eight years and i had trust in her but now...im just really scared she'll fire me for something i don't know will get me fired. it scares me and as i write this i realize it also makes me mad. on the day she almost fired me i told her i was mad..this was on monday this week. we haven't talked about it since. its eating me up inside because i don't trust her like i always have. i know i could talk to her about it but part of me afraid to because i might get mad and she might fire me (not that she's ever even attempted to fire me before). i guess i just want her to know and validate how much monday hurt me.
does anybody have any suggestions or has anybody ever been in this situation before? i'd appreciate any toughts on this....thank you...kasva

[ECHOES]

Did she say she was nearly ready to 'fire' you? Because you were angry?

It does sound like something you and she need to talk a lot more about, so you can feel comfortable enough in therapy to continue.

[likewater]

Yeah. 8 years is a long time to trust someone and then lose that trust. It seems like it has to be more complicated than you getting maf and then her threatening not to see you. Sounds like you two definitely must talk about it.

Kasva, I guess I'm confused . .. and perhaps you are too. How come you believe that you were close to being "fired?" Did you therapist say that she was thinking about "letting you go", "firing you", terminating your therapy", "referring you out to another therapist" or in some way shape or form "letting you go?". Or is the fear of being terminated, your trepidation and/or anxiety about being terminated an issue you have begun to "feel" in regard to your interaction with your therapist over time"? ... . In other words, do you fear termination, being fired, because you think that you did something wrong or have seen something in your therapist's words, facial expression and/or actions that suggests that she might be "firing" you? Or are you worried about termination because of DECREASE of mental health serves .. .realitity is, this is happening in our cash strapped society!

IN any case, let us know what's going on and maybe we can help you or at least point you in the right direction to services in these tough times!

[kasva]

hi
i'm sorry i guess i didn't explain this very well. i see my t two times a week and talk to her one time a week. i didn't take my meds monday night because i ran out of them and didn't pick them up. when i talked to t on tuesday i mentioned i hadn't picked up my meds. she got real stern and said i have to go pick them up right then. i was in a really anxious state and felt i couldn't go into town and face people to pick up the meds. so, i told her i couldn't pick them up. she said i had to and i said no i couldn't. she got really upset and said i was scaring her and im not allowed to scare her so she said..." you can go to see somebody else because i won't deal with this ..if your not going to do what you need to do then you can't see me." we went back and forth saying the same things over for a while. she finally suggested i get a friend to pick them up but you have to do it now. i hadn't thought of that solution....so i hung up with her and called a friend to pick them up. i told her threatening to fire makde me upset and she said you can't scare me.
i am quite sure she meant what she said and if she hadn't suggested calling a friend that she would have fired me. it seemed so out of the blue to fire me for that (which wasn't good but not a firing thing i think ). so, now i just don't trust that she won't fire me over something i feel i can't control.
ikes....this was long i'm sorry for that.
thank you for any responses.....kasva

[roads]

kasva, has your T ever made a contract with you about always taking your meds? Or any sort of agreement concerning you and your medications?

[dinosaurs]

no wonder there's so much scared and mad - i'm sorry things don't feel safe for you at the moment. if we've grown up in unpredicatable households, things like this can send us reeling. journal about your feelings hun - don't let them fester and eat at you. then talk to t when you see her again. if she was scared, it may have been a knee jerk reaction and not what she'd usually do in that situation. have a talk to her, let her know how you felt about the interaction. talking to her about your feelings over it will be safe.

PS: i've missed seeing you around

[ECHOES]

I'm sorry, but I would be talking to her about her tone and how SHE blew this out of proportion. You simply were trying to tell her WHY you couldn't pick up the meds, and THAT was where the therapy should have been directed. Instead of responding, she chose to react in what would sound to me like frightening anger, with retaliation. yikes.

Much more to talk about here, do you think?

[elliemay]

I can definitely see how this would be wildly upsetting to you. I mean we can only do what we can do right? If you couldn't get your medicine, then you couldn't get your medicine.

However, I can definitely also see where your therapist is coming from here as well, and in my experience, it can be very helpful to step outside of my own feelings about something and try to see the other person's perspective.

Why do you think she reacted so strongly to this situation? What is the history leading up to this crisis? Did you play a part in it? What part did she play?

Most therapists really want to help us. Their efforts are focused on that. While, the threat of termination may not be the best way to go about it, sometimes we have to ask ourselves, how did we get to this place where termination is even on the table.

I think this situation is absolutely fixable and you and your therapist need to have an honest discussion about it. Crises in therapy do not have to derail the entire process, in fact, they can propel it forward by leaps and bounds.

I hope you got your medicine and you are feeling better.

Take care.

[Perna]

I trust you have gone to pick up your meds, have solved that problem?

[kasva]

yes i have picked up my meds ..well..a friend picked them up for me. i don't have any kind of contract about taking my meds....i have some rules like no self harm in office and stuff like that. she just says i'm not allowed to scare her.
there is definitely more to talk about with t. i'm not sure what i'm gonna say on monday. i know i need to say that i don't trust like i did before which makes it hard to do the work in therapy that i need to do.
thank you so much for all your replies. dino...i've missed seeing you around too ((((dino)))....thank you all again...kasva

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by kasva

hi
i'm sorry i guess i didn't explain this very well. i see my t two times a week and talk to her one time a week. i didn't take my meds monday night because i ran out of them and didn't pick them up. when i talked to t on tuesday i mentioned i hadn't picked up my meds. she got real stern and said i have to go pick them up right then. i was in a really anxious state and felt i couldn't go into town and face people to pick up the meds. so, i told her i couldn't pick them up. she said i had to and i said no i couldn't. she got really upset and said i was scaring her and im not allowed to scare her so she said..." you can go to see somebody else because i won't deal with this ..if your not going to do what you need to do then you can't see me." we went back and forth saying the same things over for a while. she finally suggested i get a friend to pick them up but you have to do it now. i hadn't thought of that solution....so i hung up with her and called a friend to pick them up. i told her threatening to fire makde me upset and she said you can't scare me.
i am quite sure she meant what she said and if she hadn't suggested calling a friend that she would have fired me. it seemed so out of the blue to fire me for that (which wasn't good but not a firing thing i think ). so, now i just don't trust that she won't fire me over something i feel i can't control.
ikes....this was long i'm sorry for that.
thank you for any responses.....kasva

I can see that this is really upsetting. I would be upset too.

Your T should have handled this better, but I can see where she is coming from. She thinks it is really dangerous for you to be unmedicated. She cares about you. Any loving parent, sibling, friend or spouse would have felt the same feelings and might have said the same thing to you.

Now if you were my wife, the conversation would have gone like this:

Me: Did you pick up your meds?
You: No...
Me: Well you need those meds. Go pick them up.
You: I can't.
Me: Can't? Why not?
You: I just can't face going downtown and dealing with strangers right now.
Me: Well you've got to get those meds one way or another. Get in the car, I'll drive you.

Now unfortunately, your T does have the option of driving you to get your meds or going to get them herself. So she's concerned and helpless. All she can do is persuade you to do something. So she got angry and said something I'm sure she will regret. And in the end, you did find a solution.

I, too, have been to the same T for eight years. And sometimes she hurts me. When she does, I point it out and we talk it over. It's not easy! But I always feel better afterwards.