[Kacey2]

I am so angry and hurt at t. I have an apt at 4pm every tuesday and the schedulers must have screwed up. I literally schedule months in advance because it is the only time that works in my schedule and today they had someone else in my spot! I went back and talked to t and he chose to see the other person instead of me!! He was just on vacation and I haven't seen him for two weeks and now this!!!! I am so mad. He knows those schedulers made a mistake.

The other weird thing is that I had a premonition right as I was pulling in the parking lot that this would happen. It has only happened once before years ago. Isn't that weird to have such a 6th sense?

Therapy is such a flippin roller coaster. Yesterday I felt sooo loved and cared for because he prayed for me over vacation and today I feel like a piece of trash because he chose the other person over me!!!!!

[mcl6136]

yes, it's a roller coaster. I think it blows that he saw the other person?!?

Please cherish your sixth sense...it is a real gift!

[CantExplain]

My T has double-booked me twice in eight years. Both times I was the one who was bumped, and both times she made it up to me.

The second time was interesting. The other patients got to the door first, but when I rang T came out to see me. She apologised: could I come back in an hour? Luckily, I was feeling particularly buoyant that day.

But I saw some interesting things in her face. She was embarassed that this had happened, and she was concerned that I might feel rejected, and she felt helpless.

And I checked with her about this when I got back. I had read her feelings correctly.

As an Aspergic I have trouble reading faces, but if I see someone often enough, I can learn their expressions. It felt good to be right for a change!

PS: I long saw T as something superhuman, and I was intimidated by this. In spite of the rejection, it felt good to see her at a disadvantage for once! I told her, "I treasure your mistakes because they are so rare."

[ChristineEsq]

Ok, no lie, I would feel the same way, but could you perhaps look at like this: your T wasn't rejecting you - the other person was just more mentally ill and needed more immediate support? Does that make sense? That's how I would try to spin it for myself...and then walk into my next session and be all, "Dr. W, you ignorant slut..."

[Kacey2]

Thanks all, I am going to respond to everyone when I calm down but I just wanted to add that I made him leave and go to another office space cause I said I wasn't leaving and then after he left I threw away thinking putty that he had in his office! I had bought it for him years ago and he keeps it out for everyone to use (myself included). And I threw it in the garbage!

[kaliope]

you sound really angry at T and rightly so. afterall, tues at 4 is your spot every week, there is no question that that spot should have been yours.

In the split second T had to make the decision of who he was going to see though, he probably felt you were going to be the one who was going to be more understanding, the one who could handle the rejection better, the one he had more faith in to compehend his choice in who he was going to see.

I am sure he did not mean to hurt you.

[purple_fins]

So sorry that happened to you

[Out_of_denial]

Boy, that's awesome you threw his stuff you got him away and wouldn't leave his office. I bet that made you feel better. Screw him. I don't have any faith in T.'s right now, so I just send hugs.

[delicatefade26]

(((Kacey))) Sending some hugs...that has got to be so upsetting...I would be enraged...I'm not even sure how I would respond!! It sounds like next session there needs to be some repair work between the two of you...and you are so right-it is a roller coaster of emotions-up one minute because he thought enough about you to pray and then he goes and does this...ugg...I'm sorry!! I hope you are able to calm down!!

[ChristineEsq]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I threw away thinking putty that he had in his office! I had bought it for him years ago and he keeps it out for everyone to use (myself included). And I threw it in the garbage!

Bad as*!!! That's kind of a rock star move, if you ask me.

[eurydice]

Therapists make mistakes sometimes. Haven't you ever forgotten about a coffee date or dentist appointment? Was it malicious? Does it mean that you don't care about that person, it's just a mistake.

I'm sure in the moment that you felt hurt, and you're entitled to feel that. But, I'm not going to condone your reaction. You threw a temper tantrum. That is not a healthy, adult response. You're lucky that you weren't asked to leave.

I am really sorry> I would be upset too! My old T did that to me a couple times and it really hurt.

Sorry Kacey, I think I'd feel disappointed and angry too. These things can happen, and someone had to get bumped, but it does seem unfair it was you when it was your regular spot -- especially after a 2 week break. Ouch. As much as it sucks, just try not to take it personally, it seems like your T was put in a tough position of having to choose which client to see, and he probably had a reason for seeing the other person on this occasion... perhaps as Kaliope suggested, he thought you were in the better postion to deal with missing the session? Try not to feel rejected, I'm sure he didn't want to let you down

Not sure about you chucking the putty in the bin and refusing to leave, though! Heat of the moment?

You reaction was OTT. Refusing to leave his office, he could have called security and had you thrown out of the premises.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by so80

You reaction was OTT. Refusing to leave his office, he could have called security and had you thrown out of the premises.

Naw he understood and said that it would probably bring me comfort to stay and feel close and not kicked out. I am sure people won't understand........however every t relationship is different and this really wasn't a big deal to him. I am sure he will be mad about the putty though. There is no security there and I wasn't causing undo harm or danger. I agree OTT, I am not arguing that.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by eurydice

Therapists make mistakes sometimes. Haven't you ever forgotten about a coffee date or dentist appointment? Was it malicious? Does it mean that you don't care about that person, it's just a mistake.

I'm sure in the moment that you felt hurt, and you're entitled to feel that. But, I'm not going to condone your reaction. You threw a temper tantrum. That is not a healthy, adult response. You're lucky that you weren't asked to leave.

Actually no I haven't forgotten a coffee date or appointment of any kind, I am hypervigilant with my planner.

I agree that it wasn't a healthy adult response and I am not a healthy adult. I am barely an adult and certainly not the least bit emotionally healthy. It would be nice if therapy didn't bring out childish reactions but that isn't the case for many. I am not saying my behavior was right or good by any means. I certainly will have to say sorry.

[TayQuincy]

I'm wondering if maybe the other person was a new client and maybe it was her first appt. with T. It would much harder to forgive a mistake like this if the person doesnt even know him yet.

Or, maybe he decided not to see you after you went back and talked to him. Did you say anything to him that might have made him choose the other person? I'm wondering if you stormed back and demanded to be seen while the other person sat quietly in the waiting room.

I would be pretty livid too, especially since it's your normal time slot!

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

I'm wondering if maybe the other person was a new client and maybe it was her first appt. with T. It would much harder to forgive a mistake like this if the person doesnt even know him yet.

Or, maybe he decided not to see you after you went back and talked to him. Did you say anything to him that might have made him choose the other person? I'm wondering if you stormed back and demanded to be seen while the other person sat quietly in the waiting room.

I would be pretty livid too, especially since it's your normal time slot!

No he definately was not a new client and in fact he doesn't even work so finding a different time slot for him would have worked better. My t decided to see him because for some messed up reason he was in the computer and I was not. He took me back to talk to me because the other person wasn't there yet so I was talking to him and told him that it was my appointment so that's why I wasn't going to leave. I didn't make a seen in the waiting room just in his office. I left him a message and told him what I did with the putty and said I was sorry for throwing it in the garbage.

My t knew that this would upset me way more than the other client because he doesn't have the attachment to t like I do. I know this because I am friends with his ex-girlfriend. He knows that it is almost unbearable for me to wait for him to come back from vacation. It is a road trip back in time when I would wait staring out the window looking for my parents to come home from the bar. I can't even explain the physical and emotional things I feel in my body. I know it isn't right but it is like an instant trip back there and I can't seem to change it.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by ChristineEsq

Ok, no lie, I would feel the same way, but could you perhaps look at like this: your T wasn't rejecting you - the other person was just more mentally ill and needed more immediate support? Does that make sense? That's how I would try to spin it for myself...and then walk into my next session and be all, "Dr. W, you ignorant slut..."

Yah I wish that were the case but since I know about the other person I will definately say that is not true. I don't know what on earth he was thinking....oh wait actually I do know. He likes him better. I love your last line! LOL

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

Thanks all, I am going to respond to everyone when I calm down but I just wanted to add that I made him leave and go to another office space cause I said I wasn't leaving and then after he left I threw away thinking putty that he had in his office! I had bought it for him years ago and he keeps it out for everyone to use (myself included). And I threw it in the garbage!

You threw him out of his own office?!

I'm sure he appreciated your directness and candour.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

Sorry Kacey, I think I'd feel disappointed and angry too. These things can happen, and someone had to get bumped, but it does seem unfair it was you when it was your regular spot -- especially after a 2 week break. Ouch. As much as it sucks, just try not to take it personally, it seems like your T was put in a tough position of having to choose which client to see, and he probably had a reason for seeing the other person on this occasion... perhaps as Kaliope suggested, he thought you were in the better postion to deal with missing the session? Try not to feel rejected, I'm sure he didn't want to let you down

Not sure about you chucking the putty in the bin and refusing to leave, though! Heat of the moment?

Thanks JSG
Yah heat of the moment, seriously things in t can feel catastrophic! I have had nightmares about this very thing and have talked numerous times to t about this. He knows how much this would hurt me. He told me he would never do this.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

You threw him out of his own office?!

Yep. He went and borrowed another therapist's office to do the session and left me in there.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

My T has double-booked me twice in eight years. Both times I was the one who was bumped, and both times she made it up to me.

The second time was interesting. The other patients got to the door first, but when I rang T came out to see me. She apologised: could I come back in an hour? Luckily, I was feeling particularly buoyant that day.

But I saw some interesting things in her face. She was embarassed that this had happened, and she was concerned that I might feel rejected, and she felt helpless.

And I checked with her about this when I got back. I had read her feelings correctly.

As an Aspergic I have trouble reading faces, but if I see someone often enough, I can learn their expressions. It felt good to be right for a change!

PS: I long saw T as something superhuman, and I was intimidated by this. In spite of the rejection, it felt good to see her at a disadvantage for once! I told her, "I treasure your mistakes because they are so rare."

That's cool that you were both in tune to eachother's feelings about the ordeal. How did she make it up to you?

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

yes, it's a roller coaster. I think it blows that he saw the other person?!?

Please cherish your sixth sense...it is a real gift!

Thanks for this. I do have to remember it is a gift. Mind blowing actually.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

That's cool that you were both in tune to eachother's feelings about the ordeal. How did she make it up to you?

The first time she found me a new appointment and gave me an extra fifteen minutes free.

The second time wasn't such a big deal. After all, she saw me an hour later, and in the meantime I had a nice walk in the sunshine. Plus we got to talk about her mistake and she was very apologetic. That was the time I told her I treasured her mistakes. I was feeling very mellow that day.

I've just had a thought. This was an opportunity to forgive my T, and I took it. I had particular trouble with forgiveness. By learning to forgive, I also learned to accept forgiveness and to forgive myself. (OK, I've still got a way to go.) Valuable stuff.