Starting to get upset at my t but she does not know, is this transference

hi, been in therapy for 1 yr my t is very good empathic but lately i feel myself getting attached to her or the attention and caring i get from her i have never experienced this before in childhood or adult life and i keep getting upset at myself for needing her and i get angry, kind of like i will say to myself ( so she thinks i need her well i dont she will see when i guit therapy) i grew up in an alcoholic enviornment my dad was violent my mom had to take tranquilizers to deal with him and i had to take care of my siblings also this is my first time in therapy or talking about it period i dont even tell my husband about most issues. i have been diagnosed with major depression suicidal ideations generalized anxiety borderline personality i mean it was no surprise to me

i feel the need to push her away and shut down in therapy or just say i am all better i dont need you anymore,

Hi sweepy, I can relate to these feelings.

I can remember early on in my sessions, T said to me to keep going even if "he turned all bad in my mind" - so maybe the feelings you are having are a normal part of the therapy process and yes maybe it is transference.

I would say if you have had good sessions with your T and there is a part of you that trusts her, just have faith that it is working and resist those bits of you that are telling you to quit. Maybe you are feeling like you are because she is reaching those hurt bits of you and maybe you are feeling a need to protect yourself as you did when you were a child.

Remember she is not there to hurt you, she is there to work through the hurt with you and in order to do this sometimes we have to feel that pain again.

Stick with it, it sounds like maybe you are about to do some great work with your T.

Take care - Soup

Eventually I accepted the fact that I needed my T and stopped fighting it. Things improved very quickly after that.

The damaged child desperately needed a mother, and only when I let T be that mother could he be healed.

I still think of T as my mother and it doesn't bother me at all. She's earned it.

My first therapist (and only one so far other than marriage T) I had for three years. I was very afraid of therapists/therapy but I knew I needed to do something to work out some things. I grew very attached to my therapist and love/loved her. I didn't get the love, care and attention I needed growing up from my mom and my T filled that roll for me while I dealt with topics that needed work.

Because I do love her ( I ended therapy with her this year after I was done with my work) I don't ever want to go back to her again (I have the option to) because the goodbye was extremely painful for me. Having said that would I do it all over again if I had a 'do over'. Most definitely. Why? Because I wouldn't be where I am in my life it wasn't for her. I would a person who would be just getting by in life emotionally and nothing more.

Embrace the feelings you have for your T and you will grow from it. Perhaps you could share with your T what you posted? I found the feelings of love for my T helped me get through the hard work while at the same time helping me heal from what I missed in the past. My T was like a mom to me but only better because she knew how to treat me while I was in her care.

Be brave you can do it!

Yes, I know that makes sense to you, and to many others.

All the same, I suggest you do go back to the therapist you love. Tell her you want to work on endings and farewells, that you think a year of love is not worth the pain of one good-bye.

i think u are right its just that i never had such attention and understanding and these feelings scare me could this be my inner child afraid

but she is like 12 yrs younger than me so i cant see her as a mom but then again i wish she was while i was growing up these feelings are so strange, i did write her a letter telling her that i dont want to get attached and that i dont know if thats normal alot i dont see her again till the 28 because she is booked this week

Hmmm... I can see that the age difference could be a problem.

Therapists will tell you that any T can be your mother regardless of age or sex, but I think that might be a bit optimistic.

sweepy that's great you wrote to your T. That was very brave of you. My T was older so I don't know how I would feel if my T was younger.

I can understand your fear of being attached. My mom rejected me growing up and I could never go to her for comfort. The one time I did ask for her comfort (I felt like she might hug me) she pushed me away. It was very hard to open up to T but when I allowed myself to she didn't push me away. Sure she could never really be my mom but with healthy boundaries, direction and guidance I was able to make big changes in my life and become a more secure happy person. It's not easy but it's worth it. Sending you a million hugs.

I don't know if I'm going to do that. Something has come up for me and I'm trying to figure out which T I'm going to go to. A new one or the old one (not sure if the old one can take me any further on this journey). Perhaps I can work on that with a new T? I'm also getting some new insurance so that plays into things etc...

.......