[kasva]

hi......im having a struggle in my life and with my t. its embarressing but.....because of terrible abuse that happened in a bath tub i cant always take a shower. im beginning to process these memories and taking a shower has become impossible. i wish i could but my fear is too huge. my t is like well if you cant take a shower then we cant process these memories. but it seems if i don't process these memories then ill never be able to take a shower. i feel like such a loser. im staying away from friends and trying to be quiet around people. i can feel me going down hill but i cant seem to stop it.arggg

[SoupDragon]

Hi kasva,

I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. Have you done any work with your T on managing your fear? Breathing, grounding stuff?

I also wondered whether you could break down having a shower into smaller chunks - like first only put one hand under the shower until that feels more bearable, then the next day further up your arm etc.

When I get really triggered by stuff, T reminds me that I am safe and that those things are not happening to me now - they are "only" thoughts and feelings and they can't hurt us.

And you are not a loser, I know it can be so tough and scarey looking at stuff with T - hugs to you - Soup

[kasva]

thank you soup....you made me cry for caring enough to respond.....

[delicatefade26]

(((Kasva))) I'm sorry you feel like you are slipping...you are not a loser!!! Hang in there...it will get better...can you take a bath instead? Or stick one hand/foot in at a time like Soup said?

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by kasva

hi......im having a struggle in my life and with my t. its embarressing but.....because of terrible abuse that happened in a bath tub i cant always take a shower. im beginning to process these memories and taking a shower has become impossible. i wish i could but my fear is too huge. my t is like well if you cant take a shower then we cant process these memories. but it seems if i don't process these memories then ill never be able to take a shower. i feel like such a loser. im staying away from friends and trying to be quiet around people. i can feel me going down hill but i cant seem to stop it.arggg

First, (((kasva))) you are not a loser. I think it was wrong of your T to tell you that you can't process without taking a shower. Desensitization is usually a slow process. Can she help you with desensitizing yourself to taking a shower before you process the memories?

I'm here for you if you need anything. Just ask.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by kasva

my t is like well if you cant take a shower then we cant process these memories.

That's not very supportive...

FANTASY:

T: There's a shower in this building. Would you feel safe showering here? I could watch the door if you like, and we could talk about it afterwards.

[JustWannaDisappear]

*This could be really triggering*
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I couldn't take a bath for a long time because of CSA and a bathtub.. actually for a long time in the beginning of my ED I would purge in the bathtub. Looking back, I think it was me trying to rid myself of feeling so dirty.

Showers were always okay, but baths were not.

Work slowly, and remember it isn't happening now. Your T should know that you can't just jump right in.

[unaluna]

I feel like such an idiot. I am so out of touch with my feelings. I could write a book of short stories about bad bathroom family adventures (and probably have here on PC), but couldn't connect that to my feeling creepy in my current bathroom? Signal negation. Thanks, kasva. I hope we both feel better soon.

kasva, I agree with the slow desensitizing thing and having your T work with you on grounding exercises. You are NOT a loser. Something horrible happened to you and you just need some help dealing with it.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by kasva

thank you soup....you made me cry for caring enough to respond.....

((((kasva))))

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

I feel like such an idiot. I am so out of touch with my feelings. I could write a book of short stories about bad bathroom family adventures (and probably have here on PC), but couldn't connect that to my feeling creepy in my current bathroom? Signal negation. Thanks, kasva. I hope we both feel better soon.

You've been helped!