Struggling with wanting to cancel (confused)

I have a session on Wednesday at 1...which is a completely different day/time and I have a huge fear it's going to throw everything off...I like to have T when it's evening time...darker...it makes it seem easier to let go and let my defenses down...it's just a different space spiritually and mentally too-even physically...when I'm more tired I'm more apt to be vulnerable with T..so I'm conflicted about going on Wednesday...but I do need to process with him the horrible fight that happened the day before xmas eve-where I almost got hit by a family member...so I just don't know...I could save this money and buy new shoes that I need instead? Why do I feel like I dont want to see T so badly like I usually do? hmmm...

hugs. it'll be ok. i know it can be hard with family members. have that too. sometimes i have to get out my coofort zone and just process my feelings.

It does feel weird to see T at a different time. T knows it...sometimes when I see him at an unusual time, he'll ask me how it feels.

In my experience, when I've seen T at odd times, or on different days, it's usually a good thing. I think it's *always* good to see T, even if it feels like a so-so session, because it helps me stay connected, and unless I feel really connected to T, I can't do the work in therapy.

And sometimes the weirdness of a different time brings up different things in session...and since everything that comes up in therapy matters, and is important, it might help us move in a new direction for a little while that we might have missed otherwise.

I think you should go...talk about how it feels, if it feels strange...and see where it leads you. If nothing else, let yourself be cared for after your difficult time with your family member.

Isn't therapy odd?!

Yeah it is soo weird to have it at a different time-but i really should just be thankful he is seeing me this week because I know so many T's take a lot of time off this time of year...I think a part of it is being scared of having to process yet another scary thing that happened to me...I told T last session-this fear will never go away-until this person is dead-I will always have the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that another crisis or trauma is going to happen..ugg! I don't know if I have the energy...no matter what time of day it is...but I'm going to go...if nothing else I get a hug from T <3

Please don't cancel, delicate. I think the session will benefit you no matter when it is, but only you can make that decision. Do what's best for you!

I so understand the fact that you meet at dusk/dark and I can totally relate!

I ALWAYS feel like canceling. ALWAYS! I think there's a part of us that knows we're going to go, but the child part of us fights it (unless of course, there is a legitimate reason you can't make it, etc).

Just go! Try not to feed into that child part that's fighting with you. You'll feel better for it, even if it feels strange at a different time of day.

I'm seconding treehouse's advice here. Don't cancel. If the mtg feels strange because of the different time, discuss it with T; but deal with that family member issue. Do that for yourself.

Roadrunner

Woah!!! I just had a huge realization! I like the evening/night sessions because it's closer to bedtime...and our routine of prayers and hugs feels the closest I will get to having him tuck me in...I just put this together and I feel like I can't even think about it anymore because it's too much..ugg

P.s. I'm not going to cancel...and I think I might even tell him this new realization....maybe ; )

Change really does bring insight. Shakes us up, but often is productive, eh?

Probably would be good to discuss it. Who knows what other insights it might lead to?

Roadrunner

RR is right...discussing it will probably bring some good insight about your needs and desires for your life!