Ready to reveal all with t tomorrow

Hi All,

In a follow up to my "honesty" thread, I have decided to reveal all to my t tomorrow. I have emailed her, and I was able to move my appointment from Friday to Thursday. I also have an appointment in the morning with my family doc. to discuss high bp and high blood sugars, either caused by med changes and/or bad choices in eating and drinking.
In my email, I didn't specifically identify my recent drinking binge; however, I did let t know that my recent erratic behaviors have scared me enough to put everything on the table. Maybe the honesty problem is just perceived by me because I never share all that I should.
I will also have to reveal all to the family doc. in order to allow her to provide correct treatment. I wish I could say that she will be surprised, but I doubt it. She is one of those doctors who remembers every detail of what you tell her in past visits without looking back at notes. She has even identified times when I have "changed my facts", so to speak.
Lastly, I want to also mention that I did not drink any alcohol last night. I did miss it, scary considering that normally, in the recent past, I only drank 2-3 bottles of wine a week, as opposed to the recent couple of weeks when I drank 1-2 bottles a night.

I am very resolved to share all, so that I can continue (start?) my healing process.

Thanks for past input, and for taking time to read this post.

Bluemountains

Wow, you're really making important changes.

Good luck! Hope you come out of your T appointment with a good plan and feeling better than you went in.

I am so proud of you! You've taken an important step. Make sure you follow through tomorrow. Good luck!

You are being incredibly courageous and I admire you for it.

On the role of high blood sugars and alcohol, my father's drinking transformed him from a type II diabetic to a type I. A cautionary tale.

Anne

I'm so proud of you! And so happy for you!

Roadrunner

Good for you ! Its hard to be completly honest ,,but it will help you sooo much ..

((( hugs ))

I wish I had an ounce of your courage! Good job!

Thanks for the words of encouragement PC friends!

I wish I was the brave, admirable person you perceive me to be. Actually I am a hard-headed person who has allowed my anger and sorrow over depression/bp issues to be an excuse for very bad decisions. I have been so reluctant to change, that I fear now that I may have gone too far in abusing my body, and may have done irreversible damage this time. I could fool myself into believing that the damage that my alcoholic, abusive family did caused this, but I am a very intelligent person (maybe less intelligent now after the many brain cells I have killed over the years!) and I could have avoided this. I have a very hard time with the word "addict" but I know that I am.
Okay, I am still have great resolve to get through my two appointments with honesty and full disclosure. I am so nervous over this, not with the reactions, but with the actual words coming out of my mouth which will make it all real. I have already had two nights of <4 hrs. sleep the past two nights, and I know that I won't be able to avoid the "worry" thoughts tonight.
In 13 hours I become a newly defined person, and I wish that it didn't have to be, but as I have said in many posts, I live my life for my kids, and it was very shattering when one of my boys picked up the wine bottle stopper and asked me if I had drank all of that bottle, too.(It was the second one)

I'll post tomorrow.

Bluemountains

Good luck.

Good luck Blue; you are going to do great. This is a step in the right direction.

You're doing great. See it through, tomorrow, and you will feel much relieved, I bet.

Good job!

((((((((blue))))))))!!

What a hard, good step you're taking. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow

i will be thinking of you .good luck i know you will do it because you have set your mind to it.please let us know how it goes

You really are very courageous and I can think of only good things that will follow

Good for you! That takes a lot of courage. I really hope you get the help you need. Thinking of you today.

am thinking of you today.

Hope it goes well! Looking forward to updte : )

You're in my heart & mind.
Roadrunner

Okay, I am half way there. I went to see the family doc, with the biggest concern there being my high bp and my inability to sleep, even on the trazodone. I told her about ALL of my behaviors for the past two weeks-the alcohol, the codeine, etc.

She adjusted my meds for a 1 month period and added klonopin, but she said that I must make an appt. with the psychiatrist, and to try to take care of this today. I have already called the pdoc and left a message. Also, she wants the psychologist to contact her after my appt. today. I assume because every time I see her lately I shed some new light on my mental health problems, and she thinks I have told her everything until something else comes out at the next appt.

Anyway, I am relieved that I shared all. It was good practice for this afternoon's t session.

I'll report on visit #2 later this afternoon.

Bluemountains

Great going, Bluemountains!
Still holding you in my heart and mind.
Roadrunner

(((Bluemountains))) good job!!

good for you! keep going!

You're a rock star!

I did it! I got it all out.
Some good news, possibly-because this is a new behavior (the uncontrollable drinking, not drinking in general), there is a possibility that the wellbutrin has contributed to this behavior-the timing of the two seem to coincide. I am going off of the wellbutrin, I am already in the middle of weaning off of the cymbalta, and I am going back on prozac. I am going off the trazodone and on to klonopin at night, for sleep. These drugs should hold me over until the psychiatrist reevaluates me.
My hope is that my behavior has not put me into an uncontrollable state, but I will have to monitor consumption as I go off the meds. T was encouraged because I could stop right away when I panicked. I hope that I will be able to stop the behavior long-term, because if not, I will have to change t's-mine is not a substance abuse specialist. The possibility makes me sad because we have developed a good relationship. She did say that I could also see her along with the other t, but I don't know if I can consider this financially.

All in all, it has been a productive day. I don't know if I would have taken this step without all of your encouragement. Now, on to healing!

Bluemountains