[vanessaG]

So I finally wrote him back for those that have been kinda following... Here's what I wrote:

Hey doc. Srry took me while to respond I was really upset w/ you but whatever I'm sure was honest mistake...n ur human lol so it is what is is. It sucks for me cause I needed u, but whatever thats ok I guess.
Thx for offering me to talk 2 u via phone. I do really appreciate that it's just that I don't really Iike the phone (to talk) I usually am on it to txt n email on on Internet & I dnt really talk to anyone on the phone n I am just barely learning how to talk in ur office theres no way I could do that over the phone. If we talked it'd be some superficial bs and i dont wanna waste ur time...i already feel like im a burden on u n all not tryin 2 add to that...but thnx 4 the offer.
Happy New Year

And.... He wrote back this morning:
You are never a burden to me and I enjoy working with you. Maybe that's why I feel you are healthier than you think you are! You have such a great energy. I understand why you were so angry yesterday and I'm glad you expressed it! Have a good New Year's Eve. i hope you find a cute man to kiss! Email me if you want this weekend. See you on Tuesday. Dr. S.

So.. There it is. I WAS pleased to see an email...but I know he's doing that because he screwed up. Also does anyone else's T say i know ur better than you think you are??!! He says that all the time and I HATE it!! So what? I'm lying about how I'm feeling and you think I'm fine?? That I'm being overly dramatic?? Lol I'm srry just makes me mad. I've wondered if that's standard practice w/ T's?
I'm pretty sure thinking a out Sui idealation n stuff almost everyday isn't normal..(yes, he Knows this)

Anyways hope everyone has a good new year... I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight...


Sent from my iPhone

My T says I'm more normal than I think I am. Apparently other people are way more f'ed up than I think they are. LOL.

About the Sui stuff, my T says that thinking about ending it is completely normal. Having a plan moves it more toward the "not typical" end of the spectrum. [He's forever talking to me about the "spectrum of normal" and about how behaviors are on a continuum.] Part of the training that cognitive behaviorists get is to "normalize" our thoughts and behaviors so we experience less anxiety about them. I happen to know that, and periodically point out to my T that I know what he's doing and I'm not buying it. He doesn't find that amusing. When I do that, I can see him get a little frustrated, so I try not to do it too often.

[Trippin2.0]

My former T and my former pdoc said similar things to me, and i was angry too. I confronted my T and she elaborated by telling me it was b.c I had great self-awareness and good coping skills. Even though I didn't feel so great at the time. She said their statements were compliments, they were in no way invalidating me. #something.to.think.about#

[Perna]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

I'm lying about how I'm feeling and you think I'm fine?

No, just that you don't see yourself as positively as how others see you, as healthier than you think!

We all have known people who sincerely thought they were sick/dying, had this or that illness, and didn't? It is not bad or wrong to think these things but do you want to feel sick/dying/ill or would you rather feel you were healthy? I'd rather have the feeling of being healthy? That is what you are going to T for, isn't it? Well, part of it is that, yes, you have problems but another part of it is that your problems can be worked on and you have the ability to do that; that's healthy! Working on your problems as you are and yet insisting, "I have problems, I can't solve them!" is not seeing that you are working on them, you are solving them!

[unaluna]

Yeah, my T says you're so funny and friendly in here. I'm like, yeah, I KNOW how to talk to SHRINKS, I've been doing it all my adult life! Plus, you let me talk! You get my jokes! We don't do computers in here (the few times we have, yeah, I wanted to strangle him, he was so freakin slow!).

[JustWannaDisappear]

I may be way off base, but do you maybe come across as a happy, bubbly person- in person?

My T told me when she first met me I looked like a confident, happy young women... until I burst into tears when we sat down. (she didn't say that last part tho!) It's just I put on this mask and I ALWAYS say I'm good and things are fine, and she has caught on that it's just my reply.

I don't feel like I'm 'unhealthy' but I do think I am healthier than I think. Make sense? It's taken me awhile to see that. I think the Lamictal is helping me see myself clearer.. that and a very patient therapist.

[vanessaG]

@ justwannadisappear- yes! Exactly. Both t & pdoc have said how I look always happy, bubbly & smiling. I told t that I put on a good face and no one will ever see anything is wrong. I don't think he believed me till I came in one day a MESS. Lol I could barely get one sentence out.

He knows the bubbly personality isn't me 100% but were going very slow. He still says things like I said earlier in my posts but it's good to hear I'm not the only one cause I was thinking that I was.....

. Happy new year!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by vanessaG

Also does anyone else's T say i know ur better than you think you are??!!

As I understand it, the story goes like this.

You have a condition that exaggerates your sadness, anger and fear. You therefore regard all sadness, anger and fear as mental illness.
But that's not so: "normal" people get sad, angry and fearful too.

I used to have a fantasy that normal people were happy all the time without interruption, and since I never got to that place all my work was in vain.

[vanessaG]

Yeah I get what your saying- the thing is, I comparing how I feel now to the way I was a yr ago, 2 yrs ago. T may say he thinks I'm ok, but to me the old me and current me is like night and day & I know it's not just in my head cause I've had friends tell me also.
Not the most helpful, but "what happened to you" is one I get a lot.

So yeah it's frustrating for me cause t sees that I look ok, but I don't feel ok and if he saw me a yr ago and saw me today, I think he'd understand way better & not tell me that!