[Elley]

I'm sorry that I don't give much advice here but I seem to be asking a lot. I'm just a mess right now and wondered if anyone had any advice. Here is a summary of what's happened:

- I have had problems with feeling sad and hurting myself since mid teens, which escalated at university so that I had to go to hospital.
- I get infatuated with parental figures like my university tutor, which can last intensely for years.
- In the last few years I have had CBT, counselling, and recently some psychotherapy.
- I fell in love with my last psychotherapist and can't stop thinking about him a year later.
- I want more psychotherapy but can't afford it and I'm scared I'll just feel hurt again.

It's such a mess, I have no idea where to go from here. I'm so lonely and feel like a hopeless case, I don't know how to get anywhere in life. I can't make anyone love me, my last boyfriends have all left me. I have wasted all the opportunities I've had so far. I feel like I want to email my old psychotherapist but know he would just ignore me because it would be the professional thing to do, which would feel even worse.

[stopdog]

In the US there are there any clinics you could check out or group type therapy situations - they are often low fee. Also if you are at or near a university, they often have clinics or studies you can join and get counseling. I do not know if the UK works like that or not. Good luck to you.

[Elley]

Thank you for the reply. Yes I think i will try to find some low fee therapy. It's just that I'm unemployed at the moment (which doesn't help) so need to get settled in one location before I can commit.

[SallyBrown]

Hi Elley,

I'm not sure what to say, but I did want you to know that I hear you and I'm sorry you're feeling so alone.

I totally get becoming really attached to parental figures... for me it was especially father figures. The child in us is probably always going to crave parental love that we felt was missing. It's related to something else you said, which is that you can't make anybody love you. And no, you can't -- neither can I. Nobody can MAKE anybody love them. And I think that for some of us (me included) that feeling itself, that we must MAKE people love us as if they were our parents or lovers is a huge part of what stands in the way of really experiencing love. I'm certain you're quite lovable, and that there are people in your life that love you.

I guess if I had any advice it would be to seek out the support of people that love you, but try not to force your expectations of what their love should look like upon them. Let people be loving to you in the way that they already are. I am definitely putting a lot of my own experience and my experience with others in a similar situation in here, so just take it for whatever it's worth.

Do you have friends you can hang out with nearby? Siblings, parents, other family? Try to stay occupied and social.

And if you can find some low fee therapy, go ahead and do it! So what if you have to cancel abruptly because you need to move. It sounds like you could really use the help now, so don't let anything like that get in the way of it.

Finally, it sounds like some sort of meditation or mindfulness group might be helpful if you can find one that's free or cheap nearby. It seems like it would ease the stress, but also the principle of letting go of things that aren't working out might be helpful for you, too. Good luck and keep posting.

[sittingatwatersedge]

also... if you do start with a new T, would it be better to seek one who is not a male? just to reduce the risk of a repeat, and more hurt.

for you

[learning1]

Elley,
This is a good place to ask for help whenever you want. It doesn't matter if you post replies or not.

You sound very self aware of what happens with you, so that should make it easier to move ahead.

Are you still at a university? They probably have some counseling you can get for free, though it might not be as much as you want or need. But maybe if you ask even at the places that charge for therapy, they could refer you to someplace that does it for free or for less.

[Elley]

Thanks for the replies, they're really helpful. I am moving to the city soon I think so will look for some therapy there, hopefully as cheap as I can get it.