I need help, please!

After my T's sudden disappearance I have finally gotten news on Friday afternoon that he might be back on Tuesday for our regular appointment, "if cirumstances are not changing".
To me this still sounds bad. To me it sounds like somebody in his family is in the hospital and it is serious.

Now I have been wondering how to react when I see him again and also what I should talk to him about and what not.
The thing is I think eventually I should bring up how scared I was when i heard he is gone and nobody knows when he is coming back. And also that they said he might be replaced if he is not back. I have spent some days being seriously worried and restless and all emotional being afraid he would never come back. He needs to know, right?
But I am afraid of bringing that up just next session while there is maybe still something serious going on with his family.
After all he has probably felt much worse than me last week. Would it be better to wait 2 or 3 weeks before bringing up that topic?
We have a couple of other things that we can talk about anyway. Or should I better say it straight away?

i would say something to him i do think he needs to know .he may not be willing to tell you what was going on but may help you develop a plan for dealing with this sort of situation if it should ever happen again.glad he is going to be back tuesday

Your T can and has been handling what is going on in his life.
In therapy it is absolutely okay to talk about your feelings about it.
He will not return before he knows he can speak about it, because he would be aware how stressful his being away suddenly would be. He may or may not share anything personal about what is going on, but he is your T and he can respond to your feelings about his sudden absence. I'm just guessing, but I would imagine he will expect to talk about how it affected his patients/clients.

If your T is returning to work, then he is implicitly saying his issues are handled. He would not want you to hold back on his account, so you should be able to talk about whatever you want to talk about.

I'm sure he'll be answering more than just your questions about what was going on. I think he'd be prepared to answer any questions you have. It's ok to ask.

"The thing is I think eventually I should bring up how scared I was when i heard he is gone and nobody knows when he is coming back. And also that they said he might be replaced if he is not back. I have spent some days being seriously worried and restless and all emotional being afraid he would never come back. He needs to know, right?"
Joanna- this is what is important. If you are comfortable with starting with your scared feelings when T was away and how it impacted you, start there. If not, try a lighter topic first. Sometimes it helps me ease into by telling T, I have something I want to talk about, but it's going to take me a while to get there. She can then help me figure out how to best get to talking about a more 'heavy' topic.

I have come to the conclusion that T's are there for us to learn how to deal with our feelings. To get to understand the triggers to overwhelming feelings, to learn how to sit with our feelings and not want to escape them.

I think it is therefore very useful for you to discuss these feelings with your T, although I know it can be really really hard to do - maybe there is just a small thing you can say to begin with. As T is a professional he shouldn't be returning to practice unless he is fit to do so, so I also wouldn't worry about trying to protect him.

Let us know how it goes - Soup

I agree. The strength of the T relationship is that if something goes wrong, T is always willing to talk about it.

I agree with the others. If it happened to my T, I wouldn't be able to sit in my session without discussing her absence. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else. She would probably know that and would expect to answer any questions I had.

Thank you all so much for your answers! This has helped me a lot!

I guess I have been seeing it the way I would do or handle things and would want that people deal with me. That does not mean that T is the same way.

For example I always keep on working or return to work earlier than I should because I feel so responsible for getting my things done and letting nobody down to the point that I really wear myself out. I know that is not the best way of doing things yet this is how I feel. But T will be able to look much better at himself and judge if he can come to the practice or not. You guys are right that he will not return before he does not have the feeling that he will be able to do a good job again and not just be present.

And it is also me who tries to protect others and be the strong one. T does not need me to do this for him. And he will be able to protect himself if I ask him a questions or tell him how this situation made me feel.

But I guess the really hard part will be telling T at all. Or how to do it. Telling him that I was worried about him, that I was afraid he would not come back, that I was crying feels to me like admitting to him that I like him. Liking him would mean that I am very vulnerable in this relationship. And being vulnerable means being weak to me. That makes me feel like I should protect myself more/better... which means closing up. I am still afraid as hell to make myself so vulnerable to him.

So he was back today. Hmmm... I don't even know how to describe it well.
He did not tell much about the situation itself, although one time it felt like he almost blurted it out. It all seems somewhat unsure for the coming time. He just came in and tried to see everybody (the session was also shorter because of this) now. Next week he won't be in the practice at all. After that he will only work 2 days a week so there are no fixed appointments anymore, they will change from week to week and can be cancelled or postponed short notice again. There is no knowing how long this will take until he will be returning to work full time again. So he offered I could chose to see somebody else at the practice in that time or have to accept that insecurity. At some point he just said that it was something regarding his family and that it is still acute and he does not know how long the situation will still be.

I told him what the secretary said to me and how it made me feel and he said he did understand and say he will make sure this will not happen again.
Further we did not talk about last week and went on talking about other stuff.

He did not look so well though I thought. Also he seemed not completely himself. One time I caught his tears to be a bit teary. I don't think that it was of the things I told him. Hmm...

My next appointment will be in 2,5 weeks. Awful long time I think...

I hope he will be alright. It made me a bit sad somehow...

Still feeling sad for him, somewhat confused about the situation and feeling the long wait of 2,5 weeks. I am a bit afraid I could start feeling like he has left for good and without any chance to contact him. So I ended up mailing him last night. Telling him, I was glad I could see him, asking him if he could maybe write something for me that would reassure me in case I get afraid again and wishing him all the best for whatever it is.
Now I feel incredibly stupid about writing to him. He probably will be in only one more day this week and not having the time for my mail. I feel stupid about asking him to write something reassuring for me... I wish I would not have sent that mail...
And now I have to sit it out for 2,5 weeks...