Going into a session with NOTHING to say!

I used to journal A LOT! I took notes with me to every session. I typed them out. Gave her a copy and I had mine. We took turns reading. Then we would discuss what was going on with me. There was a lot to talk about.

I have taken posts from PC many times. That would start a good conversation. But lately, I walk in there with nothing. Nothing at all. Sometimes that works. Many times it doesn't. It makes me feel that I wasted a session (money). I have worked on so many issues. I feel like it is redundant to keep talking about the same thing all the time. I don't like doing that!

What do you do when you have nothing to say? I don't want to go into my session tomorrow and sit there like a mute again! She will not really bring anything up. She waits for me. If I stay silent too long, she will try to encourage me in some way. Or she may try to start a conversation. I don't think that therapists really like to do that because they feel that what they may say might not be what we really need. I guess that is why they wait for us to make the first move?

I know that many of you go into a session cold turkey and seem to be fine with that. How can I get to that point and be comfortable with it? I know that I can pull out my "goals" sheet and pick something from that, but if I don't 'feel' it, then I don't want to talk about it. How do you just say, "Today I want to work on not having such a negative self image" or "Today I want to work on how to be a better wife and mother."

That sounds dumb to me. How do you work on that in a session? What would a therapist say? What would I say? It is hard to carry on a conversation about something when you feel absolutely ridiculous even bringing it up because you have already talked about it 1,000,000,000 times!

Sometimes I think I need to just accept some things as they are. I feel like I am beating a dead horse on some topics. Maybe it is because I am stubborn? Or is it because I am trying to change something that is not going to change? I don't know. I just wish I had more of an agenda when I went into a session. Lately I have NOTHING at all to talk about. We do eventually find something to focus on. Maybe she will focus on why I think I have nothing to talk about!

She seems to think that we have a lot to talk about. Isn't that what all therapists say? I know I have issues and I know that I need help. But this is so hard! You guys know how hard it is. I struggle every week to make myself go to my session. It is a tug of war for me. I want to go, I need to go, but I don't want to go.

I am waiting to hear wait everyone else has to say on this... I identify with some of these struggles!

My husband does not understand this at all. He says, "You never seem to be at a loss for words around here!" I try to tell him that being in a therapy session is different. It can be like a deer in headlights. You freeze up at times. It is such a strange relationship. A great one, but a strange one. Its like he/she is your best friend and you want to share everything with him/her, yet you realize he/she are NOT your friend. He/She is your therapist and you have to keep that boundary.

One thing that is really hard for me is the struggle not to think things I say are dumb. Or that they don't amount to a hill of beans! Yet, she makes them into a bean stew. Its like no matter what I say, she will make something of it. She keeps prodding to see why I said this, or why I said that, or why I shrugged my shoulders or rolled my eyes, or whatever....

She doesn't let anything I do or say in a session slip by her. She always wants to watch me. Watch my every move. I wonder if that is normal? I know she is trying to read my body language, and I am glad that she pays attention, but is everything I do something to talk about? I don't mean to sound like she is a nut, but she does pay alot of attention to me when we are in a session together.

i know exactly how you feel. more often than not, i have no idea what to talk about.

does your t ever ask you general questions, like "how was your week?" that sometimes gets me going. if i answer "ok" she'll ask me why it was only okay. it's a stupid conversation starter - i get that - but at least it gets us going. sometimes i don't even have answers for that, and she'll just ask me how i'm feeling in the moment. it always leads to something. i don't think she likes the silence, and she is reallly, really good at finding ways to fill it. i hope the same happens for you. my t has told me many, many times that i don't need to know what i want to talk about before coming to session. she thinks i am setting an expectation and that can backfire. she told me it's completely okay to go in and just roll with the punches and take it as it comes... it's not as bad as you might think

I have been in therapy for two years. I think I have gone through just about every up and down you can go through in therapy. Things just feel different for some reason. I can't figure out what it is. I know its not that I am finished because I see that all my goals have not been met. For some reason, she is feeling like a stranger again. That is weird because I like her and we get along great. Yet, I have this odd feeling when I see her. Almost like I am angry at her and wish I had never met her. Where the heck is that coming from!

I'm usually not at a loss of words for T, but when I do...

...I drink Dos Equis...

...but that's a really bad joke.

On the rare occasion I run out of words (because I come in with an agenda, dammit), T fills in the blanks. We did have an odd occurrence last session. I told T about my promotion and she was happy about it. When I could tell she wanted me to talk about something else (which I was a little uneasy about), she just kept saying, "yaaaaay" in a soft voice which made me look at her like:

I realized after session I should have just said, "Would you quit with the 'yaaaay' already? It sounds contrived."

He/She is your therapist and you have to keep that boundary.

Squiggle, I have never thought there were boundries in sessions as far as what you say to them.
I look at a T. as the expert that wants to help me. Some things are uncomfortable to come out and say. I do with faith the T is there to help, not judge or lead me in the wrong direction.

I can understand you not wanting to go over the same things time and time again. If she has gone over these things a few times, and you've had no reaction, then why does she continue? Maybe you need a new T.

I just finished 12 weeks of CBT and I will be moving to another type of sessions soon; why, because I think the T I had has done all he can do for me. Just a thought. hugs, bj

I go through that everytime I go see my T. I stay awake the night before trying to think of what we should talk about and then I get there and we talk about something different than what I had planned.

I just ask my t about this last time I seen him. I asked him if it's normal to feel that way before a session. I only see t once a month but I would hate to see how I would be if I seen him every week.

I went through a phase a few months back where I didn't journal because I didn't have anything to write about and I felt like I had nothing to talk about in therapy. We actually ended up spending a great deal of time talking about that because what I realized was that I was really disconnected from myself. I had to work through what that disconnect was all about. What was I avoiding? What was I afraid of looking at?

Maybe you need to start with that. What are you avoiding by not thinking? Are you angry or afraid of something that you know you could be working on, so you are claiming you don't have anything to say to avoid it? Why don't you want to be in session? etc.

You admit you have much to work on. So, why are you afraid to look at those topics? Something to think about.

What I meant was that she is not my friend. A friend would be emotional at times, or just act different. It is her job to help me figure out what I need to do and not try to tell me what to do. She doesn't talk with me like a friend would. That is why we seek out therapists. They are neutral.

I don't mean to sound like she is not compassionate or anything, but she does keep a poker face most of the time. Yes, she laughs and does show emotion at times, but not like she is going to cry with me about something I am upset about. She hands me a tissue! She keeps herself professional.

She is not the one who brings up the same things, I do. That is why I feel so dumb about it. I worry that she is tired of me talking about it. Of course, she says that she is not. She tells me that if I need to talk about it, then there are some parts that we have not worked through yet. I think I am making her sound like a bad therapist. She's not. This is just me venting a little frustration, that's all.

That's good farmergirl. I think you hit the nail on the head! This is basically what my therapist has been telling me. She thinks I am shutting down because there is something I can't (or won't) talk about. She keeps telling me to 'dig deeper' to see where the feelings are coming from.

Wow! This sure opened up a flood of tears. Maybe I need to work on figuring out what I am angry about or what is so painful for me to talk about. Thanks, farmergirl!

You must be the most interesting man In the world.... Stay thirsty my friend.... Sorry couldn't resist.

On a serious note, I never know what to say... I wish T gave prompts like when you wrote an essay in school....

For my summer vacation I ...... Or
I feel really sad when I think about.....

I used to bring in notes all the time, typed up, single spaced, arial font at 12pt. I then downsized to note cards to satisfy my need for making concise notes and outlines like you do for a book report. I hate the feeling of not being in control of what happens to me, so I used to prepare, prepare, prepare for my sessions in an effort to protect myself from my therapist digging too deep and so that I could somewhat control the digging.

I have tons and tons that know I need to talk about and deal with, but there are many times when I think, "What am I going to talk about?" even as I'm sitting in the waiting room. Then, my therapist sits in her chair with her lime green clipboard, paper, pen, and her animal print reading glasses, and I take my usual place on the loveseat. She says, "How are you? How have you been?" I mumble, "Great???". She says, "Okay, remember you just came through those doors into my office. Now, how are you?" Then, things get rolling pretty intensely from there.

I feel like some of my most amazing sessions were the ones that I didn't prepare for or where I didn't know what to talk about. My therapist just happens to be a great fire stoker. She can get water moving in a dry creek. She's just that good.

I think the "I don't have anything to talk about" IS something to talk about.

Hi Squiggle!

If you go back far enough in your journal you might find an issue that isn't completely resolved. You're allowed to bring it up again.

I can tell when T and I are both at a loss--he asks me about my dreams, cliff notes to the subconscious! Cheating really. But preferred to "how was your week". I can deflect serious talk by asking about him. My T does share but will catch on eventually to what I'm doing.

My T never misses a trick. She is in complete control the whole time.

On a good day mine can be soft..he plays along until he feels manipulated

Mine acn be soft. But she always knows exactly what is going on.

Squiggle, I have those times too. I usually start by saying that I feel like I have nothing to talk about.
Her: What's that about, do you think?
Me:
Well, actually sometimes that does work and I can spontaneously reply and we are off, but not always. But she is patient and open to anything and everything, of course. Sometimes it does feel more like sharing with a friend when I begin, but we go in a different direction than I would with a friend. We explore. Which is usually really interesting but sometimes intimidating and can make me hesitate to begin talking about something. About that boundary, I let her establish it: it is my work to talk about anything and everything, and it is her work to make that useful and respond in a therapeutic way.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that it is similar to a friendship in that sometimes we connect really solidly and other times not so much. Sometime I leave there walking on air and wishing I could have therapy every day, and other times I leave wondering what's the big deal about therapy anyway.

Sometimes my not having anything to talk about leads to talking about - again - what that IS about: the fears of sounding stupid, of her being bored with me, of me talking about things that are unimportant or trivial, of introspection, of being vulnerable, etc.

When I go in convinced that I have nothing to talk about, and I don't fight that idea, it is interesting what comes to mind and where the session goes.

But when I judge myself for having nothing to talk about, when I criticize and demean myself, then it makes it that much harder. It's hard to begin when I am busy punishing myself So when we talk about what it's like to have nothing to talk about, I can move away from the self-criticisms, and I feel my mind relaxing and opening up.

If you haven't already, you might talk about what it is like to look at old pictures and the feelings that come up when you do. Maybe take that grade school picture with you and talk about what it was like to look at that and that you were surprised at what you felt when you did. Your observations about what you felt are really interesting and it sounds like it would make for an interesting session too.

this sounds like a good topic.... What happened in 1st grade? Is it hidden behind my smile?

I had my session today. It was GREAT! One of the best I have ever had. I don't really know what I did any different, but I am so glad that I talked. I did not have any shut down moments. Maybe some hesitations, but I was still able to carry on a conversation.

I told her about this thread and shared with her some of your insights into why that picture brought about so much emotion. Of course, I kept saying how silly I felt talking about being a child that was about 6 years old. I can't help it. I feel so ridiculous talking about stuff like that. I told her that I felt sad when I looked at the picture because it makes me realize how my life has taken so many wrong turns. This is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. Too many mistakes and bad decisions. I am grateful for so many things that I have, but I sure wish I could go back and do some things differently.

I did a lot of small talk to keep the conversation flowing. I found out a little more info about her. Nothing big deal, but little things. I am so glad that I do not have the blank slate therapist. I don't think that would work for me at all. One thing I found out was that she only sees about 6-8 appointments per week. That shocked me a little. I know she is part time, but I thought she saw more than that.

For some reason, that helps me to know that. It makes me feel like I am not such a burden to her. I write her emails between sessions and often worry that she may be getting bombarded by emails from clients. As far as I know, I am the only one who emails her regularly. All in all it was a fabulous session. Thank you for supporting me and giving me the courage to face her one more time! Therapy is so hard.........

Squiggle, I am happy for you that you had such a wonderful session!!!